Sensual Sunday ~ The Art of Seduction!

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Good evenin’, ladies!

It goes without sayin’ that Rob could give lessons in the Art of Seduction, but I’m not here to give away any of his trade secrets!

No, I’m here to wallow in the sensual beauty that is Rob and I’m takin’ you with me!

I NEED to be seduced all over again…

’cause I’ve been feelin’ kinda neglected since Rob’s been in ninja mode!

With The Rover his only film in the can so far this year….

it could be AGES until he’s on the promo tour!

Somethin’ along the lines of the Cosmopolis promo tour would be ideal!

I wouldn’t wish for him to be subjected to the intense fuckery that encompassed promotin’ the Twilight Saga ever again!

Although, WE got an epic amount of RobPorn out of the deal…

I don’t think it was all that much fun for Rob!

Well, except maybe for some of the nicer fan encounters!

The quiet, respectful fans who’d show up late at night around his hotel…

hopin’ for a glimpse,  a kind word…acknowledgement, if you will…

and an autograph…better yet, a photo!

Rob DOES appreciate his fans, I’m sure!

And, boy, do we appreciate him!

We appreciate everythin’ he does for us…

it’s just that we miss him!

Maybe, if we’re lucky…

some charity event or other will touch his heart enough to attend!

Oh, my! Rob in a suit again after all this time?

That would be such a treat for us…

his 1%!  You remember? He said if only 1% of his Twilight fans followed him forward…

he would consider himself lucky!

Ha! No luck about it!  We’d follow our man to hell and back!

All he ever has to do is ask!

All he ever has to do is give US even 1% of his attention!

Just let us know what your own way is, darlin’, and you can have it!

Oops!  I mighta got off track LOL! But I sure do feel a whole lot better, don’t you?

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Excuse Me, Butt…!

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You know what, ladies?

You’re just gonna have to ride this out with me ’cause, much as I love Rob’s beautiful face, my perv is all about his lower half at the moment LOL!

‘Fraid so!  You see…                      

The way that sweet butt sways back ‘n forth in those jeans…hypnotic!

The tighter the jeans, the better…hell’n we almost have crackage!

Yeah, I just put this one in ’cause it’s so freakin’ cute LOL!

Now, some of Rob’s jeans just don’t fit right…looks like he ain’t even got an ass in some of them…

Maybe it’s the fashion {or was at the time}….

but a good pair of jeans are supposed to make your butt look gooood!

And these?

just DON’T!

Sexpenders were a vast improvement while they lasted…not long enough, right?

Then again, we all know that jeans fit just fine when you first put them on…

but loosen up the longer you wear them!

Now THIS is more like it…nice tight jeans huggin’ Rob’s sweet tush!

See? They were so tight his boxers got squeezed out the top like toothpaste LMAO!!!

Basically, pants flatter Rob’s ass better than most of the jeans he wears!

Who doesn’t love to see is that ass sittin’ snug inside a fabulous pair of designer pants?

Uh, OK…these are probably NOT Gucci pants LOL!

But, oh…

when he’s wearin’ just the right suit…

Poetry shall be written in honor of Rob’s butt!

All right, dirty limericks, then LOL

Yup, a view from the back is sometimes…not always…as good as the front LOL

Chris musta thought his ass looked pretty fine in Tokyo that day LOL!

Again, just ’cause he’s so adorkable when he tumbles head over heels…showin’ his ass!

Pfffft! Like I’d forget! Thanks, Sally, for the gorgeous Birthday edit!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Your Guide to the Promised Land!

Good evenin’, ladies!

I know I’m very late, but it’s GOT to still be Sunday somewhere in the world, right?

You can probably tell from the title that I got my perve on today LOL!

Yup! I’ll be examinin’ that typical male leg spread that leads us to “The Promised Land!”

It’s a guy thing and Rob, king of all guys, will be demonstrating some of the subtle nuances {whether he wants to or not}!

I call this the Semi-Open Invitation!  Rob’s feelin’ good about himself and is open to communication, but that’s it…no touchie feelie shit allowed!

Seein’ as he’s hunched over Hidin’ the Goods, I’d say the invitation is hereby revoked… don’t expect anythin’ more’n a polite howdy do!

Rob’s Alpha Male Signal to all other dudes to back the fuck off…he’s Numero Uno!

Which, at the same time, is his Matin’ Display to the ladies!

Well, I’m sure as hell ready to be mated LMAO!!!

And I know I’m not the only one!  DIED an’ Gone to Heaven *groan!*

This subtle signal means Rob’s Not Available no matter how funny and cute you are!

Rob’s You Do All The Work display! {startin’ with gettin’ rid of that belt *THUD!*}

Who’s up for a matin’ session with Rob on that hammock? Raise your hands!!!

Awww, Rob! Fair warnin’…we’re not above molestin’ you in your sleep LOL!

Heheheh! I thought that would get his attention…he wouldn’t wanna miss anything, right?

Subliminal Size Suggestion! By puttin’ a couple large, inaminate objects between Rob’s legs, we are subconsciously lead to assume there’s more than enough to go around LOL!

I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be so suggestive as to be downright scary, but whoever took that photo wasn’t takin’ our pervy little minds into consideration!!!

If they knew us at all, they’d know that we are, at this moment, measurin’ Rob’s hands, fingers and thumb LMAO!!!

Not to mention his feet LMAO!!!

And the results of our measurements have just been confirmed by Rob himself ROTFLMAO!!! {Poor Matt gave up and crossed his legs in shame!}

Ultimately, Rob’s Wide Legged Straddle is an invitation to be, well…straddled!

Excuse me while I live vicariously for an hour or two…maybe longer *le sigh!*

Oops! A blatant signal from Rob that he’s had enough for today!

Until next time!!!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Treats from Toronto!

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Afternoon, lovies!

One or two of these pics crossed my path on tumblr the other day and I knew right away we were gonna need to see lots MORE!!!

Star date: June 4, 2012

Location: Toronto

Event:  Cosmopolis Press Conference

Don’t know that I need to add much narration today…

I mean, how could I improve on that sweet glow of success on Rob’s face?

So we’re just gonna perv on every arched eyebrow…

Every wicked little grin…

Every thumb and knuckle…

And every {almost} clinched fist!

We’re gonna count chest hairs… {ps: all these photos are HUGE if you click them to full screen! Ideal for countin’ chest hairs LMAO!!!}

And eyelashes!!!

Unless we get distracted by FingerPorn…

And EyebrowPorn!!!

Are we crazy about this man?

Well, duuuh!!!

There’s nothin’ we love more…

Than spendin’ our otherwise borin’ Sundays…

Gazin’ at the glory that is Rob!

{Hang on…gotta count chest hairs!}

OK, I’m back LOL!

Remember how we freaked out last year during a RobDrought?

How WOULD we survive without him?

Well, we all learned to survive and even thrive…

Cause not only do we have a huge stash of past RobPorn, but the absolute certainty that there WILL be more in the future!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Double Shot of My Baby’s Love!

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Good evenin’, ladies!

Among others, I’m fascinated by clever edits of Rob and his “shadow!”

Here’s a selection by some of our best photo enhancers…enjoy!

New kid on the block, EucalyptaWitch, stole my heart with this gorgeous still from Remember Me!

Veteran Francies67 spoils us rotten with her color “shadow!”

Of course, completely black ‘n white works nicely, too!

Really doesn’t matter…

’cause we love our double shots of Rob!

No way could I not include Sally’s poignant still from Remember Me!

I won’t apologize for usin’ her edits more than once in my posts LOL!

Some beauties just bear repeatin’ to infinity!

Who cares that Witchy girl’s edit isn’t exactly a “shadow” shot…check out that package!!!

What if Rob really did have an identical twin?!  The mind boggles!

Nah! It might drive the paps {and us} crazy, but what kind of life would that be for the poor guy?

Still, I wonder what his name would be? Any suggestions?

Ah, well! Rob already has an honorary brother, who just happens to be his BFF!

Let’s face it…Rob was never so beautiful as when he played Tyler Hawkins *le sigh!*

Oops! I think his back was sexier as Edward in BD1, but I’m willin’ to put it to a vote LMAO!!

Fearlessmore is one tricky lady…click this to full screen and tell me who you don’t see where you expect to see them!

Well, that’s it for today! We’ll work our way up to multiple Robgasms in future posts LOL!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ My Sexy Vampire!

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Good mornin’, everybody!

You’d think Winter was comin’ on instead of steppin’ aside for Spring the way I’ve been stuffin’ my RobPorn stash this week.

Guess it’s a good idea to stock up for the drought that Rob goin’ off to film Mission: Black List is gonna bring, right? Anybody heard a firm date/location yet?

So, while I was busy stuffin’, I hoarded a bunch of gorgeous edits by MySexyVampire!  Don’t know who she is or where she hails from, but I surely do like her work!

See for yourself!

What’d I tell ya? Sexy as fuck vampire!

Oh, hell! Even sexier than fuck vampire *THUD!*

Well, not ALL her edits are of Edward…

Although she’s not above givin’ Rob green eyes like Edward LOL!

But Rob’s own pretty blues are still the most beautiful color to me!

Sweet baby Jesus! She makes golden eyes look good on our man, too!

I recall the lightin’ wasn’t that good at this event, so our girl did a great job here!

Y’all ‘scuse me while I dream of takin’ a little “nap” with Rob *Swoon!*

Wait! Shouldn’t Rob’s eyes have been red for this scene? No matter…he’s still FuckHAWT!

LOL! Rob appears to take issue with his status as our Sex God!

Don’t know how she got that slight rainbow effect in there, but I really like it!

But even very little color can’t hide Rob’s inate sexiness!

I swear it’s in his bone structure!

Along with the face he was blessed with!

And even pullin’ faces won’t make me think Rob’s anything less than perfect!

So don’t give me no lip! Unless you want to give me THAT lip LOL!

Nope! One measly little ol’ stink-eye won’t change my mind either! *DED!*

Cause we all knew he was ”The One” for us ever since Rome 2008! Can I get an Amen, sistas?!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Baseball Boy!

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Oh my God, ladies!

I’ve been laughin’ my ass off all week readin’ one of the funniest fics I’ve come across in a good while LOL!

Bella at her snarkiest best…Edward {a.k.a. Baseball Boy} at his dorkiest EVER!

“Wait! What?” you may ask. “It’s not Fan Fiction Friday!”

Yeah, but it’s the inspiration for my post today and, therefore, fair game! Get it…Fair Game LMAO! But, seriously, do yourselves a HUGE favor and start reading:

Curve Ball by Staceleo

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9102043/1/Curve-Ball

Opposites attract don’t they? Not in Bella Swan’s world. Unfortunately, the Captain of the baseball team has other ideas. A short chapter tale written for mauigirl60.

♦ {Diamond…*gigglesnort!*}

The key word bein’ “baseball,” it stood to reason I’d hark way back to the Vampire Baseball scene from Twilight LOL!

Of course, it’s from Cosmopolis rehearsals, but Rob’s got to practice first, right? Well, it does look like he’s at a battin’ cage, don’t it?

And, Rob’s wearin’ a proper baseball cap. What? I liked that pic in color, too!

You have to catch the ball, before you can throw it Rob!

There ya go, darlin’! {Are you catchin’ Rob’s pout? *Drool!*}

Time to suit up and get out on the field…give ‘em hell, baby!!

Why so serious? It’s supposed to fun!

Oh, I get it…someone’s cheatin’! Fuck ‘em up, darlin’!

LOL! I spy blue boxers!!

Don’t let that big bully push you around, darlin’!

Sorry, Missi! Guess Rob’s not beyond flippin’ someone the bird after all LMAO!

Heads up…you still have a fastball to catch!

Faster Rob!

And NO CHEATIN’!

Uh, oh! They saw you cheatin’ with the wires, baby!

Bunch of pussies! You call that rumblin’?

Game called on account of gross incompetence LMAO!!!

One of the reasons that made the whole Vampire Baseball scene so much fun for me was the music that went with it…Supermassive Black Hole by Muse!

Hell’n I was stuck in a Classic Rock rut for years until Twilight came along and updated my taste in music LOL!

What life change did Twilight do for you?

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Wearin’ O’ Tha Green!

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Good afternoon, Lovies!

You can tell it’s Saint Patrick’s Day by the explosion of green throughout all the social networks LOL!

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Growin’ up in Texas…in a dry county…as a kid, my favorite thing about it was wearin’ green to school! And woe unto those who forgot, ’cause they got pinched!

Much as I’d love an excuse to pinch Rob…

Uh, oh! My RitaRadar is tingling!

right on that tight, sweeeeet ass…

Say, WHAT???

Just a little love pinch, Rob darlin’! {and maybe a squeeze or two LOL!}

Oh, God! I can’t let her catch me with my pants down!

Whut? You think I’d take advantage of a clothin’ malfunction? Meeee? *gigglesnort!*

Hell, Rita! I KNOW you would!

Ah, you do know me so well, sweetie!  {Gah! FingerPorn!!!}

{Rob! Rita’s here somewhere…watch your back!} You mean, watch my ass, don’t you?

*Sigh!* These guys’ll never learn…resistance is futile LMAO!!!

You can’t get to me, Rita! Give it up!

Psssst! See that girl a few feet to your left? You’re in more danger from her than you are from me, baby!

Little girls don’t scare me Rita! It’s women who know what they want and go after it that give me nightmares…like YOU!

ROB! I’m wounded…or flattered, I can’t decide LMAO!!!

Matching wits with you is pretty fun, though!

Um, Rob?

What NOW, Rita? I’m busy, if you can’t tell!

Since when do you wear lipstick? Well, outside of the Twilight saga,that is?

Lipstick? Where?

Right there on the left side of your upper lip, darlin’!

Uuuuh…my Chapstick wasn’t clear like I thought?

Nuh uh! You done been smooched! And it ain’t MY lipstick color *Damnit!*

Crap! Gotta lick it off fast before anyone else notices!

Too late, angel! You are so busted LOL! {Sweet Jesus! TonguePorn!!!}

Rita, you’re such a (_E=mc2_)!!!

I know, but you love my Smart Ass *gigglesnort!*

Yeah, you’ve grown on! Now let me do my thing so I can get outta here!

Bein’ Rob is thirsty work! He should have his own beer lable as a reward, don’t you think?

You ’bout ready for a beer, Rob darlin’?

Thanks, Rita! Thought you forgot it was Saint Patrick’s Day!

Yeah, you pretty much distracted me…again LOL!

As I was tryin’ to say before Rob confuzzled me, I’d love an excuse to pinch Rob’s ass, but he’s wearin’ green today, so I’ll have to find another excuse!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Rob, Where Are You?

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Ladies,

I don’t know how much more I can take! Seems like it’s been forever since Rob disappeared on us and I’m missin’ him real baaaad!

Last time he made an official personal appearance was at the Golden Globes on January 13th! Hell’n that almost 2 months ago! Even then…well, just look at this one and tell me that’s not goodbye in his eyes already!

Don’t worry, Rita…it’s not forever!

Yeah, but that’s what it feels like to us, Rob darlin’!

Three days later, on January 16th, Rob lands in Melbourne!

“Welcome to Melbourne, Mr. Pattinson…hope you enjoy your stay in Australia”!

By the grin on Rob’s face, I reckon he’s lookin’ forward to some adventures in the Outback!

Throw another shrimp on the barbie, mate…I’m on my way!

Once Rob hits Adelaide, he hooks up with The Rover crew and gets to chill out a bit…

Bondin’ with his new mates in the pub…

Quietly bikin’…without a helmet LOL! {Got his hand slapped for that one, I hear!}

Oh, crap! The Pouty Lips *THUD!*

And then it was off to the Outback for filmin’ and, all of a sudden, our Pretty ain’t so pretty no more!

God only knows what kinda critters have nested in Rob’s pants, what with all that dirt!

*Eeeep!* What the hell happened to his gorgeous smile?

This is the smile we know and love…and hope to see again real soon!!!

As for Rob’s hair, I expect we’ll be seein’ it buzzed off like this again since he starts filmin’ Mission: Black List some time in April!

But, that’s OK. Our Rob is beautiful with or without hair!

Although I’d love to see more of it…

In fact, the more the better IMHO!!!

ROB! COME HOME, ROB!!!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Sensual Sunday ~ Dear Rita!

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Ladies!

You are NOT goin’ to believe this…hell’n you coulda knocked me over with a feather then this arrived in my RA in-box the other day!

Was this for real? Is someone pullin’ my leg?

Stranger things have happened, I guess, but WTF?

♠

Dear Rita,

I hope you don’t mind me writing to you like this, but I’ve had such a bad week that I needed some advice.

First of all, just when I thought I was managing to snag myself some interesting roles out of the shadow of Edward Cullen, they go and drop me from Unbound Captives for being too manly and not Edward Cullenish enough! Bloody Hell, Rita! You’ve seen my long, bendy fingers and wonky legs…Do they look overly manish to you?

Then they go and nominate me for Worst Actor at the Razzies. Still, at least I didn’t win that one (but I do think they should have had a separate category for that bloody itchy wig I had to wear )!

Rita, I feel I’ve known you long enough that you’ll give it to me straight…well, you did offer something like that the last time I was in the RROP with you, remember? Do you think my fans will still love me after Twilight?

I’m sorry to be a bit of a Whinging Pom about it all but, what with the heat out here, and spending my nights watching reruns of Only Fools and Horses and Fawlty Towers, I think I might be feeling a tad homesick.

Yours Sincerely,

Rob

Somewhere in the outback of Australia

(Sorry, can’t say more…you know how the paps are.)

♥

{Rita bites down hard on her knuckles, squeeein’ herself blue in the face as silently as possible, and grabs an industrial strength ShamWow to sit on!}

Dear Rob,

You know you can write to me {or anything else you might want to do to me *THUD!*} anytime you want, darlin’!

Just remember that turnabout is fair play!

Sweetheart, you were still just a kid when those people approached you for Unbound Captives. Your Edward Cullen, gangly 109 year old teenager, persona may have been how they saw you back then…

but, honey, you’re all MAN now!

So, let Zach Efron play Unbound Captives. We want to see you play the Sexy Beast we all know you are. I hear there’s a great movie in the works that needs a leadin’ man and we all think you’d be perfect for the part. It’s a rather large role and the lead character’s name is Christian. Perhaps you’ve heard of it…Fifty Shades of Grey?

As for the Razzies, your ridiculous wig absofuckinlutely deserved to be in the Razzie Hall of Fame, but that has nothing to do with your actin’. Don’t listen to those f*cktards who put that shit out there, baby! Your massive fanbase knows you are an amazin’ actor. WE will NOT be surprised to see you takin’ home an Oscar someday instead of presentin’ one to someone less deservin’!

Rob, you can always count on  me to give it to you hard and straight…

and believe me when I say your fanWOMEN, hOOrs and Angelz will follow you unto the ends of the Earth!

Now, I know it’s been hot as hell in the Land Down Under, so just get yourself back here to the RRoP as soon as you get home…I’ve got just the thing to cool you down *gigglesnort!*

Feel better now, darlin’!

I’ll take that as a “yes!” LMAO!!!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Super huge thanks to ClaireBamboozle {Rob’s letter} and RF {BIG help with responses}!!!