Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fic!

Wet Rob Avi

“Eenie meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak!”

Bullwinkle J. Moose

*   *   *   *   *

Evenin’ ladies!

Midnight approaches and I’ve been readin’ all day tryin’ to finish today’s rec in time but it wasn’t to be…I’m still 10 chapters from the end!

Still, that’s no reason to keep it from you now, is it? NO!

And after what I did to you WIP Wussies last week, this one’s COMPLETE!

Rob Attack

banner by AstridGreenEyes


When Edward Cullen’s soul separates from his body after a car accident, he realizes it’s going to take a lot more than jumping back into it to get his life back. Fifty days should be plenty of time to find three tears of pure love, right? Based on 49 Days and Pure Love.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Supernatural – [Edward, Bella] Jasper – Chapters: 38 – Words: 87,358 – Reviews: 437 – Favs: 147 – Follows: 222 – Updated: Feb 3 – Published: Sep 26, 2014 – Status: Complete – id: 10717411

As you can see from the summary, Edward’s body and soul have parted company and he’s gonna need a little divine intervention to get it back…enter Scheduler!

Edward’s eyes widened as he saw his body carried out of the mangled Aston Martin. His head was bleeding profusely, and his eyes were closed as the EMT’s hurriedly transferred his body onto a stretcher and eventually, brought to the ambulance.

“What the hell happened?!” he fisted his hair in confusion. “That can’t be me! I’m right here!”

“Actually, that is you. Or, your body, anyway.”

Edward spun around at the voice. What he saw was a petite girl with spiky black hair and the most ridiculous outfit he’d ever seen.

Seriously, who wears gold tights with a pink tutu?

“Like you haven’t seen women in eccentric clothing before,” the girl scoffed as she came closer.

“Who are you?” Edward asked warily.

“You can call me Scheduler,” the girl grinned. “And I’m here to help you.”

 And, since he’s a spirit, he won’t be able to physically facilitate his search for the three tears without a host!

“Him?” Edward clarified as he looked at the man who brisk walked towards them. He was tall, probably around Edward’s height, and had a lanky built. His shaggy blond hair kept getting in his blue eyes’ line of vision, so his hand constantly worked to keep them away.

“Yeah, that’s definitely him,” Scheduler nodded. She followed the blond man as he entered the diner, Edward not far behind her.

“Jasper, there you are!” an elderly waitress – Shelly, her nametag said – exclaimed once the door opened. “I was beginning to worry, honey. You’re almost an hour late.”

“I know, I know,” Jasper huffed as he removed his jacket. “Is Mel mad?”

Shelly scoffed. “Of course not. Anyway, it’s not like we’re in the middle of a bustling dinner service here. It’s midnight after all.”

“Good point,” Jasper smiled as he donned an apron. “So, what needs to get done around here?”

Poor Jasper doesn’t know what the hell’s happenin’ to him…there are holes in his memory and he’s missin’ blocks of time! Little does he know Edward has the day shift while he’s stuck with the night shift LOL!

Not gonna give away all the plot twists and turns and, believe me, there are plenty! Just when you think you’ve got things figured out BAM!

All-in-all, I’ve been enjoyin’ the hell outta this fic and plan to finish it before I go beddies *gigglesnort!*

Rob Attack

banner by AstridGreenEyes

What fics have been hauntin’ you this week?

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider



Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Afternoon, ladies!

Again, I’ve been blown out of my socks by the first chapter of a WIP, which means I’m not even gonna wait for chapter 2 to post to tell you about it!

In fact, THREE WIP’s have grabbed me this week!!!

Rob Attack

 {banner by Cared}


Follow Professor Swan as she flees her academic life in Massachusetts and goes on the lam. But when her truck breaks down in a small North Carolina town, will the love of a simple man and the friendship from a couple of bat-shit crazy waitresses be enough to save her? “We ain’t Flo and Alice, Hun, but we’re all you got.”

Rated: Fiction M – English – Drama – Bella, Edward – Words: 1,714 – Reviews: 29 – Favs: 32 – Follows: 81 – Published: 10h ago – id: 11007954

Every school in the United States, and most likely, in the world, has a beloved educator, bar none.

From the smallest elementary school to the largest university, there is that one teacher, counselor, professor, or college Dean, to whom everyone gravitates. It’s almost as if they have within their very beings, a magnet that draws students inside their offices for deep discussions about deteriorating grades, or for a nonsensical discourse about the questionable entrées dished up weekly in the student dining hall.
His students (for it is most often a position filled by a man) simply adore, no, revere him.

He is the man about campus, the person you want to be, or failing that, wish to be with; a true legend in the making.

His colleagues attempt in vain to emulate his style, and pattern themselves after his character, but unfortunately for them, they fall short, abominably.

He is in a class of his own.

He has that certain something, which the French call Joie de vivre, a joy of living, an exultation of spirit, if you will. It can never be imitated or learned regardless the effort one employs.

It is simply innate.

At Haworth-Adams, where I am a Professor of Literature, we had James Witherdale.

First off, I was struck by the truth about beloved educators! We all have/had them! So, what happens to make Bella run away screaming?  You’ll have to read to fine out *wicked evil laughter!*

And, in case you don’t want to wait until WtWAB#U is complete, Jane-with-a-y has 2 complete fics on her profile!


Rob Attack


Bella is a powerful woman,being wife of Edward Cullen,the head of mafia family of USA.Having lost her parents to human trafficking at the age of twelve,she never expected her adoptive family,the Cullens,to be involved in crets unveil and plots unravel,as she finds herself on the run from everyone she ever knew.But where do you hide,when your husband owns the entire country?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Crime – Words: 1,248 – Reviews: 11 – Favs: 28 – Follows: 50 – Published: 14h ago – id: 11007462

Bella sat there unmoving, her arms folded in front of her, moodily looking at the wall, instead of the Native American sitting across the small table. She silently cursed herself for the millionth time, as she heard him ramble on, trying to get her to speak. She had taken her black Mercedes this morning and peeled out of the house, without the driver or any of her bodyguards, and now she was regretting her decision.

For the last hour, Jacob Black, her childhood friend, the one she made mud-pies with, was trying to convince her to confess against Edward, against the Cullen family; the head mafia family of the entire US.

Bella could feel her heart thumping loudly; she had to remind herself to breathe. She struggled to remain unmoved, to maintain the perfect mask she had been wearing since she came here. There was nothing the Cullens were not involved in; they were into everything- arms and weaponry, drugs, oil, money laundering- if it was illegal, the Cullens did it.

Except one thing. One thing that Edward had promised her the family would never get into. He had promised her that no matter what happened, he would never get into the thing that changed her life in a second, had taken away her parents at just twelve years of age and thrown her into the world of crime.

“Human Trafficking.”

Holy crap! I had so many questions at the end of chapter 1 and I can’t wait to get the answers *squeee!*

Unfortunately, this author has no complete fics on her profile so it’s either dive straight in or wait LOL!


Rob Attack

 {banner by Cared}


This was going to be a fresh start; a new beginning, in a far off place. But what happened that night, on a dark road near Maxwell changed everything for Bella.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 22 – Words: 82,264 – Reviews: 1,609 – Favs: 692 – Follows: 1,146 – Updated: Nov 23, 2014 – Published: Dec 2, 2013 – id: 9894117

We had been on the road for more than four weeks, slowly making our way from a small town near Atlanta to the newly opened Oklahoma Territory. Having been recently hired as the sheriff of a small, but growing town, my Pa was looking forward to a fresh start for the two of us.

My mother, Renee, had died in childbirth, leaving a grief-stricken husband to care for a tiny, newborn girl. Of course, he had no idea what to do with a baby, much less a baby girl, so I grew up being entertained by the town drunk in the holding cell, and the occasional thief or gunslinger when they were caught. These circumstances did nothing for me socially, and I became the outsider, the strange girl who spent her time in places a lady should never be.

Without even realizing it, I shifted in my seat once again, causing Pa to glance over to watch me as I rubbed my hand across the back of my neck and rolled my shoulders.

Clearing his throat, he tried to distract me.

“This will be good for us, Bella. Who knows, we might just find you a man.”

So, we know what brings Charlie and Bella to the frontier town of Maxwell, Oklahoma, but what about Edward?

 Dr. Cullen dropped his gaze to the table, frowning for a moment before clearing his throat. When his eyes met mine, they were blazing with an intensity I had never seen.

“My name is Edward, and I prefer that to Dr. Cullen, at least from your lips,” his eyes dropped to my mouth for a moment before returning to hold my gaze once again. “I moved here from Chicago just over a year ago. My parents still live there, as does my sister and her husband. I enjoy the challenges life in Maxwell brings me, and have no desire to live in the big city again, as I am quite content to care for the good people here. I have never had a wife or children, and will be twenty nine on my next birthday.”

He placed some money on the table before he stood and offered his hand, “I truly believe this will be good for the both of us, Bella.”

What the hell? How did she wind up with Edward and where’s Charlie? This is Hopesparkles’s 3rd fic, the last two completin’ in 2012, so I’m excited to take this ride with her!

WIP or complete, what fics have you been readin’ this week?

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider



Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

When you hear the  name Awesomesauce76, you automatically think Last Tango in Forks *standin’ ovation with whistles and cheers’*…which was subsequently pulled for publishin’! *well, pooh for us…good for her!*

However, it would be beyond silly to forget the other fabulous fics still listed on her profile, such as…

Rob Attack


New girl Bella Swan is finally ready to start dating again, but the only boy she’s interested in is too shy to even talk to her. Why are her friends convinced that the answer to her problem is some crazy party game… with kissing? AU/AH, BPOV, COMPLETE.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 43 – Words: 94,173 – Reviews: 6,305 – Favs: 3,729 – Follows: 2,278 – Updated: Jan 14, 2014 – Published: Dec 11, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7628327

Bella discovered sex while livin’ in Phoenix with Renee but after her boyfriend, Riley, cheated on her, she decided to escape all the drama by goin’ to live with Charlie in Forks.

God I miss sex.

It’s been two months since I moved, and it hasn’t gotten any better. There aren’t even any boys that interest me, so I don’tknow why I can’t stop obsessing about it, but I miss the closeness… I miss the intimacy.

I’m also starting to wonder if it might be better with someone new, which has me reevaluating the whole ‘no boys’ idea.

The only problem is… who?

After consultin’ with Alice, she insists it would have to be someone who is the complete opposite of her ex, Riley!

I turned and ran down the hall, just making it to my next class before the last bell rang. As I dumped my bag on the table, I sat down with a huff next to my lab partner. I couldn’t get all the things Alice and I had talked about out of my mind.

“Hey… are you okay?” a soft, gentle voice asked beside me. “You seem a little upset.”

“Huh?” I looked over at the concerned boy sitting next to me, blinking at me behind a pair of black-framed glasses. I think it was the most words I’d ever heard him put together at one time. “Sorry, Edward. Don’t mind me today. I’m just a little preoccupied, I guess.”

“Okay,” he whispered, more to himself than me.

So, where was I? Oh yeah… how would I know when I had found him?

Oh, I do love a story where geeky Edward surprises the hell out of Bella! And just so you know, I gave this story 4 stars on my TBR!


and goin’ from lightness into the dark *gasp!*

Rob Attack


Edward is having trouble balancing his urges for Bella’s blood and Bella’s body before the wedding. What started out as a simple “Practice Fic” has become a retelling of BD from EPOV that lets us see just how much he struggles for control at every turn.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Angst – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 21 – Words: 133,650 – Reviews: 1,738 – Favs: 1,675 – Follows: 673 – Updated: Mar 31, 2010 – Published: Apr 9, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 4979836

As far as I’m concerned, Bella never did take Edward’s struggles not to kill her seriously!

Bella thinks it’s almost cute when I try and explain my fears to her about losing my control in the heat of the moment. She has complete faith in me that I will never hurt her. While her faith in me is very endearing, I wish I could be as confident as she is. She thinks that I am only worried about harming her with my physical strength, which is usually our only obstacle these days since I have become more accustomed to her scent.

If only that were true.

Little did we know the other struggle Edward was havin’!

Not only did I want her, but I wanted her with a violent urgency that made most rapists seem sane and level headed.

This was Blood and Lust. Oh I wanted her blood… but I wanted another delectable, vital fluid from her as well.

Uh, did it suddenly get hot in here *fannin’ frantically!*

One thing’s for sure! You can count on Awesomesauce76 to have something for everyone…enjoy!

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

 Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

Today, I find myself in the mood for somethin’ a little more…genteel!

Nothin’ too terribly angst driven, although there might be a few unfortunate misunderstandin’s to keep everyone on their toes LOL!

Specifically, a period piece or two where life proceeds at a more leisurely pace than the hectic rat race of today’s world!

Rob Attack


Timid Isabella is sent to keep the home and children of widower Edward Cullen.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Hurt/Comfort/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 45 – Words: 38,419 – Reviews: 1,461 – Favs: 477 – Follows: 913 – Updated: 48m ago – Published: Dec 5, 2014 – id: 10871128

I’d like to thank Clairebamboozle for tellin’ me about this fic back in December! It’s still a WIP, although very close to complete, and I’m enjoyin’ the hell out of every update! Also, Shouldbecleaning’s FFN handle cracks me the fuck up with its accuracy LMAO!

Just shy of her sixteenth birthday, orphaned Bella is introduced to Dr. Cullen.

“My name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I reside with my wife in a town a few hours from here. I am looking for a young lady to become housekeeper and nanny to my grandchildren. My widower son is unable to care for them or the house at this time and I won’t have the children suffering for it. Mother Superior says that you are the ideal girl for the job. Would you be interested?” While he left out a great deal about the situation this was the crux of it, not wanted to scare the girl further with more information. The girl looked at the serene smile on Mother Superior’s face and nodded to the gentleman.

Hmm, why should she be scared? Her first sight of Edward might provide some indication LOL!

Around half an hour after the city faded from view the carriage pulled into a very long drive. It wound around its-self many times before ending in a very large farm house. It didn’t look to be in too bad repair so Isabella felt reasonably confident that the cleaning would not take too long.

The group separated as Dr. and Mrs. Cullen went into the house. Em accompanied Isabella around to the back of the house where the larder was located in a grove of tall trees. He left her at the door of the small building and went on his was to find Edward.

She looked behind the door for a crate to hold any goods she could save. The first set of shelves held root vegetables and fruit, all rotten and mouldering. The next set held jars of preserved vegetables, jams, jellies and crocks of pickles. Above her head hung a few hams and rashers of bacon. As she went closer her foot knocked against something unexpected.

She found herself looking down at the prone form of a man. A very handsome but dirty man. He was semi-clothed, wearing trousers and only one shoe. She knelt down beside him, quickly, praying that he wasn’t dead.

“Mr. Cullen.” She said while she prodded his shoulder.

The man gave out a loud grunt. Half the foul smell in the building seemed to be coming from him.

Not exactly the best first impression but, in all fairness, he wasn’t expectin’ visitors LOL!

If you decide to give it  try, I’m sure you’ll enjoy Shouldbecleaning’s first fic and I look forward to seein’ what else she comes up with down the road!


Rob Attack

{banner by Cared}


England, 1795. Lord Edward Masen and Miss Isabella Swan promise to love one another for all time; but will the harsh realities of life allow two souls from very different backgrounds to fulfil their vows? EPOV, AH

Rated: Fiction M – English – Drama/Romance – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 29 – Words: 160,023 – Reviews: 3,697 – Favs: 1,950 – Follows: 1,696 – Updated: Sep 16, 2012 – Published: Sep 4, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7353115

There is a decidedly Pride and Prejudice flavor to Gingerandgreen’s first fic, which I adore! Best of all, it’s written in EPOV *squeee!*

“Ladies, may I introduce my friend and second cousin? This is Lord Masen of Forbrigg, in Norfolk. You may have heard me mention him.” He winks at the smaller of the pair. “Edward, these here are the beauties I was telling you about. May I present Miss Swan,” he offers me the opportunity to approach the fair-headed girl, with a somewhat proprietary air.

As I doff my hat, bow, and kiss her hand, I watch Em’s antics from the corner of my eye. He waggles his eyebrows suggestively and rather crudely, given the company he we’re in. I take this to mean he has boasted of my accomplishments and wealth to the ladies already, which annoys me. He knows I want to make my own conquests. In time – all in good time.

“And this is her lovely sister, Miss Isabella Swan.”

When I take the hand of the younger Miss Swan, his clowning and my annoyance cease to exist.

She truly is beautiful. Her eyes are large and round and deep, their rich brown intensity evaluating my very soul, at least this is how it seems. Strands of her hair fall all around her face as though unwilling to be trapped by her simple bonnet. Her skin is both pale and very flushed, and her expression is serious as I press my lips to her gloved hand.

“Miss Isabella,” I murmur, and she breathes back,

“Lord Masen.”

And let me tell you…Mister Darcy has NOTHIN’ on Lord Masen *swoon!*

What fics are you enjoyin’ this week???

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Good evenin’, ladies!

You can’t imagine how excited I am to bring today’s fic to your attention!

If you’ve ever watched a Charlie Brown cartoon and seen Snoopy do his dance of joy, you’ll know how happy I am to rec An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy by M81170, which was marked complete on January 5, 2015, exactly five years from the date the first chapter was posted on January 5, 2010!!!

Rob Attack


A first kiss, a first dance, a first curse word shared between best friends. This is the tale of a boring, young geek and the social pariah who thought the world of him. A tale of growing up. A tale of a Non-Romantic Romance.

Rated: Fiction T – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 43 – Words: 232,358 – Reviews: 14,521 – Favs: 7,123 – Follows: 7,033 – Updated: Jan 5 – Published: Jan 5, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 5642262 x

You already know how much I adore fics where Edward and Bella have been together since they were children and THIS fic is the reason why!  Waitin’ for updates was agonizin’ and I had to go to my happy place {here} between them LOL! But was it worth the wait? Hell yes, it was!!!

“My name is Edward Cullen, I’m thirteen years old. My home phone, beeper, and fax number are all on that card.”

Wow, this guy was smooth. How many other girls had this card in their backpacks (or purses)?

“How many other girls have this card?” I blurted out and internally punched myself in the nose.

His cheeks reddened, and damn that was really cute. I internally slapped my wrist for thinking the word “damn.”

“Um, I actually just had them printed up,” he muttered. I internally let out a sigh, and then decided I was sick of doing everything internally and held out my hand.

“My name is Bella Swan. I just moved here from Phoenix to live with my dad. I actually don’t know my phone number. It’s really nice to meet you, though.” He nodded but seemed hesitant to reach out and shake my hand. I saw him covertly wipe his hand on his jeans, but it was still a little sweaty when he placed it in mine.

I couldn’t bring myself to care, though, because I was actually holding hands with a boy. And by holding, I meant shaking, but really it was the same thing. And maybe it was just my imagination, but I thought he held my hand longer than what was necessarily polite for the circumstance. And the heavens opened up and angels sang as I realized I had found my soul-mate. I was meant to be with this boy.

Of course all of this was completely ruined by the next five words out of my mouth. “You aren’t gay, are you?”

Is that cute, or what? At this stage, they couldn’t be more opposite! It’s how they manage to survive together that makes it the most wonderful journey from childhood to adulthood you’ll ever read!

Rob Attack

{banner by maimu}

There’s also a companion fic to go along with it called The Misadventures of Daisy and Swirl and I’ll be readin’ it myself this weekend!

Rob Attack


“Daisy bit her lip and nodded, trying hard not to audibly moan. The way Swirl wielded his hammer rendered her speechless.” For the moments that boring, young geeks and social pariahs share – snapshots from Swirl and Daisy.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 33 – Words: 21,390 – Reviews: 1,048 – Favs: 807 – Follows: 901 – Updated: Jan 4 – Published: Jun 19, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 6065116

If this is anything to go by, it’s a MUST READ, as well LOL!

“Body Lotion and the Dangers of Sensitive Material”

. . .

“Edward, what is this doing here?”

Swirl looked up from the computer screen, before he frantically scurried across the room, stumbling over his feet, in order to snatch the bottle of Strawberry Delight body lotion from Daisy’s hand “What the hell are you doing with that?” he asked, maybe a bit more panicked than he intended.

“I was looking for the t-shirt release forms,” Daisy lied, crossing her arms over her chest.

“In my nightstand drawer?” Swirl shrieked. He kept some very sensitive, uh, material in there.

Daisy shrugged and asked again, “So, what is it doing here? Did you take it from my bedroom?”

“Of course I didn’t!”

“But it’s the exact same kind I use,” she said.

“Yes, I know,” Swirl said reluctantly.

Daisy stood there with an expectant cocked eyebrow and a small pout on her lips. From that one look alone, Swirl knew that she would not give up easily. He couldn’t tell her the truth, though — it would freak her out.

“Your scent is like a drug to me,” he blurted under the pressure of her gaze. By the slight softening of Daisy’s expression, he could tell he had said the right thing. She was a strange girl. “And it just so happens I can get it at Bath and Bodyworks on sale for $19.99.”

“Do you use it or something?” Daisy asked, more than a little flattered that Swirl adored her so much.

“No, of course not.”

“Then why is like half of it gone?”

Swirl froze, trying to come up with an explanation that did not include the intimate details of exactly what he used the lotion for: “Massage?”

What are you readin’ this week?

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Happy New Year, ladies!

Hope you’re as excited as I am about what our favorite authors are gonna have in store for us in 2015!

Hell’n, I already have a fic that’s not gonna let me wait until it’s complete to rec it LOL!

Only 4 chapters in and I’ve already sobbed my eyes out and fallen out of my chair howlin’ with laughter…it’s amazeballs!

Rob Attack


Actor Edward Cullen is rich, famous & sexy hell. There’s just one fly in the ointment.He can’t keep the other personalities in his head straight.Emmett, his bodyguard, needs help sorting his charge out.Enter his ‘crew’, Alice the hacker, Jasper his second, Rose the shrink…and Bella, the girl who’s father gave his life to protect Edward’s. If only he remembered why.AH AU HEA

Rated: Fiction M – English – Angst/Romance – Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jasper – Chapters: 4 – Words: 21,670 – Reviews: 33 – Favs: 20 – Follows: 38 – Updated: 1h ago – Published: 23h ago – id: 10937150

Maxi’s first AN gives away a little secret about this fic…the plot bunny belongs to her DH!!! Lucky lady, is all I gotta say LOL!

So far, the story is mostly told in Emmett’s POV…

He walks dead straight, right ahead, with the flames roiling behind him and as he reaches the designated ‘mark’ on the ground a smouldering piece of cloth drifts down, still on fire, and lands at his feet. 

My mark stops, right where he’s supposed to, and nonchalantly takes a cigarette out of his shirt pocket. Right on cue he bends down and picks up the still burning piece of cloth. He uses it to light his cigarette and as everyone on the set holds their breath he delivers his line. Perfectly. 

“I told you it was a smoking jacket, asshole.” 

Twenty minions rush forward as my mark moves quickly away from the flames that are still writhing and seething even in the controlled environment. The workers blast their extinguishers at the base of the fire and within seconds it’s been reduced to a heap of smouldering ash and useless props on the concrete floor. 

My mark ignores it all, is oblivious to everyone and everything around himself because he’s still in character. He’s still the guy he’s been portraying in this film for the last nine weeks. He’s still James Goodall. He’s still the spy. Still the agent. 

No one else seems concerned about Edward’s little “quirks” since they don’t want to lose their meal ticket…can’t have that, can we? Good thing Em thinks otherwise and marshals the forces of good in the form of one Dr. Rosalie Hale! Of course, Edward thinks his appointments with her are a debriefin’ session for his latest mission!

Getting Edward to think back to the time before I guarded him was never going to be easy. Getting him to remember the details of that time had proved all but impossible and we’d been trying for all of the last five years.

“He was more agitated than usual,” she tells me once Ed’s left the room. “He had no visible reaction to the mention of Bella but he did when I mentioned Charlie.”

“Well that’s something at least,” I mumble.

“I’ll keep trying, keep asking, but when he’s being James it’s hard to get him to think past being a spy I’m afraid. He won’t be led to the timeframe and he won’t open up about that time when he thinks my asking is something to do with a mission I shouldn’t know about. I’ll try again when he’s himself,” she tells me sadly.

“Unfortunately he’s going to continue to switch to the James persona as a mental defence.”

“Thanks for trying,” I tell her.

“I’ll keep at it. He’s getting worse, not better, and if the re-emergence of Bella is as pivotal as you think it is the time is right to press forward more aggressively,” she says.

“It is pivotal,” I sigh.

“Take him home and let him sleep this off. A good night’s sleep and he’ll wake up as Edward Cullen again, like he always does on Thursdays,” she reminds me with a soft smile.

“I hope so,” I smile back. “We’ll see you next week.”

Not gonna give away the ink bomb incident…you’ll just have to read it yourself LMAO!


And for my ladies who plan to wait, I found this juicy little COMPLETE fic just for you LOL!

Rob Attack


Bella Swan, 18,virgin, learns about lust in a dark cinema with a beautiful stranger.What does she teach him? Varied lemons acted or reminisced about.Not suitable for the faint hearted. There is a plot!Warning Jasper and Alice very OOC. Not cookie cutter.M.Beta’d by Mandee,from Utah. I’d have no idea how far is not too far for American readers if not for her guidelines.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Drama/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 25 – Words: 71,577 – Reviews: 1,195 – Favs: 1,048 – Follows: 499 – Updated: Feb 28, 2011 – Published: Mar 1, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 5784802

Smut, glorious smut!
What wouldn’t we give for
That extra bit more –
That’s all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but glut
On smut,
Magical smut,
Wonderful smut,
Marvellous smut,
Fabulous smut,

Well, you get the picture!

Zosie’s summary says it all so I’ll let it stand and just remind you under 18’s THIS ISN’T MEANT FOR YOUR INNOCENT EYES!!!

Happy Friday, y’all!


Rob Attack


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’, ladies!

With any luck, you might have a little time between Christmas and New Years Eve to enjoy some fanfic goodness!

If not, you’ll at least have one to push straight to the top of your poor ol’ TBR!

It was first rec’d to me by Clairebamboozle through her friends at Perusing the Shelves way back in March but I only recently picked it up…and couldn’t put it down LOL!

Rob Attack


COMPLETE Edward left Bella, forcing his family to stay away from her. Six years onwards, the Cullens are a mess and Emmett decides to get away from his angst ridden family and let loose. What he finds in the meanest biker bar in Seattle will shock everyone.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 40 – Words: 115,168 – Reviews: 1,694 – Favs: 1,858 – Follows: 704 – Updated: Dec 7, 2009 – Published: Jun 1, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 5102709

Holy fucking shit. She was a waitress in the meanest bar in Seattle, talk about a danger magnet. I had to get her out of here. I watched her stroll over to me, balancing her tray with ease.

“What’ll it be, Bub?” she asked me.

I chose to sit in the dark corner so I didn’t bring attention to myself and, of course it has been six years since we saw each other; maybe she’d forgotten me. Ouch that would hurt.

“Bella?” I asked as my eyes swept over her.

The shock on her face was evident. I felt a smirk creep up my face. Wait till Eddie finds out what leaving Bella did to her. He is going to fer-lip. She saw the smirk too and before I realized what had happened, she brought the beer bottle she was holding down on my head. Glass shattered around my ears and despite the fact I barley felt it, I groaned.

Whoa, I can’t believe Bella just did that. Sweet innocent Bella, who was constantly blushing at anything slightly embarrassing had just… glassed me. She obviously had changed, this was gonna be fun. God, this was exactly what I needed.

Yup! Not exactly the shrinkin’ violet Edward left behind in the woods that night, is she? So, what happens now that the Cullens have found her, ’cause you know Em won’t be able to keep his big mouth shut LOL! Why, she follows them back to their new digs, of course!

I watched as they stepped into the street, Emmett lagging behind scuffing his shoes against the asphalt. I couldn’t help but laugh when Rose told him to get in the car and he sat down in the middle of the road and screamed, “I don’t wanna!”
Rose stormed over to him and twisted his ear yelling at him that four year olds behaved better than him. Once Rose had him in the Jeep she signaled to Jasper and Alice who were driving a silver Aston Martin Vantage and they sped off down the street. I ran down to where I stashed my bike and sped off after them hoping that some of that shock I laid on them earlier hadn’t worn off and they wouldn’t notice me following them. Luck was apparently on my side.

Just as she gets there, Edward opens the front door to do a runner and stops dead in his tracks!

“Hello Edward,” I purred.
Ooooh well done.

Bella’s plan is quite simple, really…

“I’m going to make your life a living hell, Edward. Because that’s what you did to me,” I said smiling wickedly at him. I crossed my arms and waited for him to say something.

“What…wait…how?” he scrambled for words. I smiled wider.

“I’m moving in, Cullen…”

And with that I raced up the stairs to talk to Carlisle and Esme, hoping that they would go along with my plan. I turned into another hallway and saw Esme standing there. She had the biggest smile on her face as she held out her arms and I simply ran into them.

“Welcome home, Bella,” she murmured into my hair.

“Her name is IZZY!” Emmett shouted.

If you are a fan of vamp fics, a seriously bad ass Bella and one sexy as fuck Edward Cullen {oh, hell yeah!}, then you won’t want to miss Dirty Dancing with the Devil Herself!


Now, if you’re like me and have indulged in so many Christmas one shots and short fics you actually gained weight from all the sweetness, now is NOT the time to stop LMAO!

Out of all the goodies I’ve read, FyreMasen’s Blame it on the Mistletoe, put the biggest smile on my face of them all!

Rob Attack


Sometimes it just takes that one special thing to turn a regular moment into a magical moment, and sometimes you just gotta blame it on the mistletoe.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Family – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 7 – Words: 12,839 – Reviews: 178 – Favs: 84 – Follows: 130 – Updated: Dec 25 – Published: Dec 20 – Status: Complete – id: 10903761

I’m a complete sucker for any fics that have Edward and Bella together since childhood!

Edward and Bella, age 5

“Bella! Bella! I need your help. C’mere, please.” Edward has found Bella and is now dragging her toward the door.

“What’s goin’ on, Edward? Where we goin’?”

They come to a stop in the foyer. Edward looks up searching out the mistletoe. As soon as he finds it, he maneuvers Bella directly under it. Then he looks around to make sure Emmett’s watching.

“I need you to do me a favor, please.”

“What do you need me ta do?” Bella really wants to know why he’s been dragging her all around.

Suddenly, he’s giving her a kiss … on the lips! Gross! Her dad told her never to kiss boys. They all have cooties.

She pushes Edward away and stomps his foot.

“If I get sick, Edward, I’mma tell my daddy. He said to never kiss any boys.”

“I’m sorry, Bella. Emmett made me. He dared me or I had to give him my Gameboy. Do you forgif me?”

Bella thinks it over for a second. “I guess. I know you really love your Gameboy. Just don’t do it again, ‘kay?”

Edward nods his head. “Okay. Do you really think kissin’ me will make you sick?”

Shaking her head she leans over and kisses his cheek. “Nah. Not you. Let’s go play. We have to figure out a way to get Emmett back.”

And with that they clasp hands and are off and running, back to normal.

Meanwhile their parents watch the whole scene, and while their moms think it’s sweet, Charlie just knows, some day that boy is going to take his baby girl.

It was her entry in the Beneath the Mistletoe Contest, winning 3rd Place Public Vote, Judge JennRG324’s choice and she also received Best Use of Mistletoe.

A quick read at only seven chapters so do yourselves a favor and cuddle up to Blame it on the Mistletoe!

What fics kept you sane over Christmas?

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fic!

Wet Rob Avi

Good evenin’, ladies!

In my vast *cough* experience, the best medicine for gettin’ through the dark, cold days before Christmas is laughter…and lots of it!

My rec for today is not a new fic but I came across it again this week and couldn’t resist readin’ it again!  What a riot!

I’m so excited to remind you {if you’ve already read it} or introduce you {if you haven’t} to…

Rob Attack


“Who said I had a motive?” he asks.”Why’d you ask me out, Stalkerboy?””That’s simple,” he shrugs turning to me. “I wanted to get into your pants.”I don’t think before I act. I punch the douche in his mouth. And he has the gall to look surprised.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 32 – Words: 34,095 – Reviews: 1,548 – Favs: 1,189 – Follows: 754 – Updated: Jun 8, 2012 – Published: Nov 21, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7569923

Edward first lays eyes on Bella as she works in Charlie’s coffee shop…

The coffee shop is packed.

I watch as a middleaged woman in a tight pinstriped skirt and a Bluetooth in her ear runs straight into the only waitress in the joint.

“You idiot!” She turns her head as if she’s talking to someone else. “No, not you, Jerry. This retard just spilled coffee all over me!”

The entire shop is silent as they watch the altercation. The waitress turns to see that everyone’s attention is on her and Skirt. Her eyes are brown, and her lips are full, but pursed in anger. Skirt steps forward, but Brown Eyes holds her hand up.

“You don’t want to do this, girly,” she warns.

I’m practically on the edge of my seat, watching all of this go down. I should have brought popcorn!

“Listen here, you inbred skank…” Skirt steps forward and Brown Eyes raises an eyebrow.

Brown Eyes cocks her fist back and punches her square in the face.

The shop is quiet as Skirt stands up on wobbly stained heels and grabs her purse with one hand. The other is holding her bloody swollen nose. Before she can make it to the door, someone from across the room starts a slow clap that turns into a full on applause as everyone drops what they have in their hands so they can clap. I set my phone down and have to stop myself from wolf whistling.

Fuck me. I think I’m in love.

If you’ve ever worked in the service industry, I’m sure you’ve wanted to do just that at some point LOL!

Alice and Edward are business partners in a nearby establishment.

She’s also my half-sister, but we claim nothing. Her last name’s Brandon while mine’s Masen. Together we make B&M’s. It’s a large but very narrow store that’s pretty much split down the middle.

The right side is mine and it’s covered with anything music: CDs, old cassettes and, my pride and joy, vinyl. Alice’s side is plastered with the likes of Marvel, DC, Darkhorse and, my favorite, Archie. She’s even got a little space for the weird anime shit that brings in all kinds of eclectic shoppers. But who am I to judge. I just chugged a cup of coffee that knowingly had someone else’s saliva in it. We’re all weirdoes in one form or another.

We hate each other’s guts, but that’s how we roll.

With such resources, it’s inevitable that Edward uses music to tame the savage Brown Eyes LOL!

Disintegration… he fucking bought me Disintegration.

When I finish reciting the lyric he started from the first track of the album, his smile is beautiful. All lopsided and handsome. I’m sure he practiced that shit as a teenager. Probably got plenty of ass with that smile.

“Do I get a thank you Brown Eyes?” he asks hopefully.

“Thanks Stalkerboy.” I’m still in shock.

No one’s ever bought me music before.

There’s a weird tingly sensation in the corner of my eyes.

As you can see, super sarkiness is my achilles heel when it comes to comedy LMAO! Cute and fluffy has its place but not today!!!

This lovely author has 15 other fics on her profile if this one doesn’t do it for you…I’m sure she’ll have somethin’ you’ll love as much as I love Brown Eyes and Stalker Boy!

What fic tickles your funny bone?

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

Sorry ’bout missin’ last Friday! I’m gonna blame it on whoever posted the link on Facebook to the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy in Christian’s POV!

Even though I already knew the story from its fanfiction version, Master of the Universe, I can never resist an Edward…uh, I mean Christian POV LOL! Anyway, now that I’ve burned through all three installments, it’s back to normal!  Well, if I can just stay away from Zveka’s link to the Twilight series in EPOV *le sigh!*

Good news, though! Ooza’s epic dark vamp tale that began with Here in the Garden of Sin on October 22, 2010 and continued with Malice in the Garden is now COMPLETE as of December 11, 2014! *Yay ~ muppet flails!*

If you haven’t yet dipped your toe, don’t bother…just jump in with both feet!

Rob Attack


Edward has spent his entire existence longing for one thing. When he finally gets it, his careful control starts slipping. It doesn’t matter to his savior, she’s dying either way. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. ExB/AU/OOC/Dark

Rated: Fiction M – English – Angst – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 17 – Words: 50,317 – Reviews: 1,638 – Favs: 1,044 – Follows: 641 – Updated: Feb 14 – Published: Oct 22, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 6416476

It’s Alice’s first day of college and she’s not happy Edward won’t be with her this time.

I’ve never had to do this alone before.

Edward didn’t like replying to things that weren’t spoken aloud. During conversations like this, it was hard for him to tell whether the other person wanted to communicate their thoughts to him. Being a mind reader was a heavy burden, something that had become too much for him.

Unfortunately, Alice never saw Bella coming!

As he waited impatiently for Alice to emerge, he was hit with the most delectable aroma he had ever experienced. Existing alongside humans always held a thread of temptation, but this was different. The burn in his throat extended outward, filling his entire body.

The monster inside him itched to hear his victim’s thoughts once she realized death was certain. The begging, the screaming, the fear; it would be beautiful.

“Leave me alone!”

Bella screamed as the man lunged at her. The pain was instantaneous. He held her tightly enough to push the air from her lungs, making breathing—and screaming—impossible. And when she didn’t think the pain could get any worse, he leaned down and sunk his teeth into her neck.

Between shock and blood loss, Bella began slipping out of consciousness. She didn’t have the comfort of her life flashing before her eyes. Instead, she only experienced intense pain while her mind repeated over and over again, I can’t believe this is really happening.

Of course, Edward couldn’t hear her thoughts which was the only thing saving her from immediate death. It might have been kinder if he’d just killed her, though, as she’s completely powerless to change her fate!

Rob Attack


The sequel to HERE IN THE GARDEN OF SIN. After being changed against her will, Bella struggles to adjust to life as a vampire. The hurdles she faces go beyond bloodlust, and her new perspective leaves her feeling torn between old morals and new desires. Edward fights to win her over, but when his world is threatened, he realizes there’s more to lose than her heart.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Angst/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 17 – Words: 59,472 – Reviews: 769 – Favs: 415 – Follows: 630 – Updated: Dec 11 – Published: Feb 14 – Status: Complete – id: 10109176

What I love about the sequel is the absolute hell Bella puts Edward through in retaliation for everything he did to her without givin’ her a {reasonable} choice!

We want to help you adjust to your new life. Believe me, I know how overwhelming the change can be. We all do. We may not have wanted this life for you, but that doesn’t mean we want you to learn on your own.”

Bella contemplated Alice’s offer. Carlisle had told her as much. She’d even considered it. She might have even agreed to stay if it weren’t for Edward.


She shuddered at the memory of tearing his head from his body. Her fingertips tingled where they’d fractured, a subtle reminder of her transgression.

“Aren’t you angry with me?”

“Angry?” Alice laughed as she slid from the tree. “There isn’t a single one of us who doesn’t think he deserved it. If I weren’t so shocked that you actually followed through, I would have given you a high five.”

Aw, c’mon! You know I’d never have given away that little tidbit if he hadn’t survived to pursue Bella relentlessly LMAO!

Do they actually get the HEA Edward hopes for? Read BOTH stories and you’ll be rewarded with the answer in the end!

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fic!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’, ladies!

Ever been haunted by a banner for a story/author you’ve never heard of?

Musta been 3 or 4 years ago, I was pokin’ around Betti Gefecht’s profile page while I waited on an update of Little Green and EasyBella…been a year since the last one *sigh!*

Well, I followed a link to her banner blog http://banners-by-betti.blogspot.nl/ where I got lost in all the glorious art she’s made for our fandom, many for fics that were new to me, includin’ Saritadreaming’s I Want It Painted Black!

The animation…that’s what caught my attention! How cool was this angelic Edward protectin’ Bella with his wing? Immediately checking out the link Betti provided to get to the story, I saw it was a WIP! Ratz! So, I clicked author alert and crossed my fingers!

Finally, June 4th of this year, it was marked complete *squeee!*

Rob Attack

{animated banner by Betti Gefecht}


Izzy Black *Bella* is a bad girl with issues. Edward Cullen is the vampire that brings it all down in an inner battle between darkness and light. He’ll go to great lengths to melt her frozen heart. WINNER DARKELLA’S DARKEST TEMPTATIONS *Complete*

Rated: Fiction M – English – Hurt/Comfort/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 29 – Words: 238,134 – Reviews: 1,633 – Favs: 968 – Follows: 1,009 – Updated: Jun 2 – Published: Jun 4, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 6022971

This is not a fluffy, feel good fic! It’s not for the faint of heart and it’s definitely NOT FOR UNDER EIGHTEENS!!!

Bella has lost everyone and everything she has ever loved, buryin’ her pain under vast quantities of drugs, alchohol, nicotine, meaningless sex and self-harm!

Wait for it…


I could feel some relief as the blood trickled down my side. My breathing slowed, and as the pain reached a bearable level, I was able to crawl up the stairs to my room. I opened my dresser drawer, pulling on it so hard the whole thing fell to the floor, spilling out socks and underwear. I grabbed the cigar box with my stash inside, hugging it to my chest.

Opening the box, I wondered what would dull the pain tonight. I rifled through the little pills, the baggie of weed…and then my hand closed around it – the vial of white powder. No! Had to save that for a really bad time. Decided, I rolled a joint and grabbed some vodka – taking a swig straight from the bottle. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall, smoking and drinking, until the pain was dampened to a dull roar. I needed to get it together. Tomorrow I started school at Forks High. Ugh.

Her path of self-destruction can only be stopped by someone who can let her be herself, be there for her when she hurts and love her for the woman she can be! Not that she makes it easy on him!

“Edward, I’m broken—empty. I have nothing to offer you. I wish I did; I wish I could. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m so sorry. Just walk away and forget me.”

“I can’t walk away—I won’t walk away.” He pulled me closer against him, burying his face in my neck. I could barely breathe, but I hardly noticed. “I only ask for one promise from you…don’t cut me off completely. I know you don’t feel what I
feel, but please don’t shut me out.”

“Edward, I won’t keep you out. But you have to understand the rules. I do what I want, when I want. I’m not looking to be in a relationship—you understand that, right?”


“You’re suddenly okay with my lifestyle?”

“No, but I’m less okay with having you completely out of my life. Like I said…let me worry about the details.”

And this is just the tip of the iceberg! Izzy has accumulated a lot of men along the way…some are good friends, some are fuck buddies, others are scorned lovers and one is her Dom. Oh, did I forget there’s one who wants to kill her?

Poor Edward! That’s a lot of baggage to sort through to get to the real woman who’s supposed to be his mate! Rob Attack

I Want It Painted Black is a deliciously long, complex fic with so many layers you might feel intimidated at times but the author guides us flawlessly through each step to a heartstoppin’ conclusion that will take your breath away!

I can’t praise this one enough, especially for my fellow AngstH00rs…you know who you are!!!

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx