Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

After readin’ so much angst lately, no matter how wonderful the HEA…if we’re lucky enough to get one, my need for nerd started workin’ its way into the driver’s seat LOL!

Hell, in a pinch, even a geek will do! What’s the difference you may well ask? It can be confusin’, especially since there’s some crossover between the two, makin’ possible geeky nerds…or nerdy geeks! Just remember these two definitions from the Urban Dictionary

  • Nerd: The person you will one day call “boss”
  • Geek: The people you picked on in high school and wind up working for as an adult.

That bein’ the case, a quick “geek” search of my TBR brought these two jewels to my attention and, having’ read both back-to-back already,  I’m proud to rec them for you today!

First up…

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6643149/1/Mysterious-Ways

Complete – The adventures of dear, sweet, geeky Teddy and his adoring Buttercup.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 32 – Words: 112,038 – Reviews: 1,303 – Favs: 909 – Follows: 525 – Updated: Jul 10, 2012 – Published: Jan 11, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 6643149 x

I swear, every time the nickname Teddy is used in a fic, Edward turns out to be the sweetest man any woman could possibly want! Of course, Bella makes her claim on him pretty much instantly when she brings her laptop to his and Emmett’s computer repair shop LOL!

Edward

I had no idea what was going on, but right this moment Bella Swan was practically in my lap, and her arms were wrapped around me, and she was really kissing me.

Who was I to question this miracle?

She pulled back and gave me a look full of surprise and confusion.

She mumbled something like, “Stupid eyes…swoon…no willpower…”

She gasped and gripped my hair tight in her hands and put her tongue in my mouth. Holy cow! I’m French kissing Bella Swan! And boy, was she good at it! I ran my arms around her back and held her tightly. It was amazing to me how her body molded itself to mine perfectly.

God, this was totally the best day ever.

After that, it’s no surprise to learn Bella’s just as twitterpated LOL!

Bella

Oh, my God. He was such a dork, but so freakin’ sweet, and God, he was so good looking! Didn’t my Teddy realize how hot he was? That shy nerdiness was adorable. It made me almost crazy with desire to kiss him.

I bet my Teddy was a virgin. Oh, the fun I would have teaching that hot dork how to please me in bed. I technically was a virgin, but I had sure done everything else. Me and Teddy could be each other’s first!

Well, he is and they are but there’s so much more to Teddy than hot nerdlisciousness but you’ll have to read Mysterious Ways to learn more!

Have you fallen in love with any other Teddies???

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9557633/1/Awkwardly-Yours

High school Edward likes a girl named Bella, But he’s not a smooth-talking kind of fella. He has his fair share of inserting foot into mouth, And inappropriate risings down south. But he’s really kind of sweet, Even if he’s sort of a geek.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 23 – Words: 63,184 – Reviews: 3,515 – Favs: 1,467 – Follows: 1,358 – Updated: Dec 1, 2014 – Published: Aug 3, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9557633 

Fifteen-year-old Edward Cullen is cursed with the most dysfunctional family ever! From a doctor father uses PROPS in his detailed lecture on anal sex after his older brother, Jasper, convinces their parents he’s gay to a seven-year-old brother, Jake, who blackmails Edward, Jasper and their sister, Rosalie, to keep quiet about their love interests comin’over while the ‘rents are out for the evenin’ LOL!

Yes, life is hard for poor Edward with such epic fails as:

Mastur-Gate 2013

Edward ‘The Tampon’ Cullen

The Bubble Gum Bust

Hipster-Ward

Massive Cock Boy and Hairless Wonder Freeze Frame

Dirty Talk Debacle

Texting and Sexting Trouble

The Journal Jeering

Fornication Fail, followed by Carlisle and his Colored Coded Cocks

Hole to my Donut’ Disaster

Fornication Fail Part Deux – Drunk and Disorderly

And the cherry on top:

The Humiliating Hyundai Hump

There are a few bright spots, however! Edward’s revenge on Jasper lands him in front of Carlise to suffer through the same anal sex lecture as Edward, which leads to a…

“Truce.”

Jazz squeezed my hand harder than necessary, but I didn’t care because that handshake was proof I’d won.

We went back to watching the game – me with a huge grin plastered on my face.

There was just one question I was dying to ask – something that had weighed on my mind for some time.

“Can I ask you a question, Jasper?”

“Yeah, what?” He kept his eyes on the screen.

“What’s pegging?”

Jasper shrugged. “Fuck if I know. And I don’t want to. Let’s promise to never, ever Google it and find out!”

“Deal. Just one more thing – the butter part. Why can’t you use it as a lubricant? Will it make the girl fat? Like somehow get absorbed into her system or something? I don’t get it.”

“Oh my God. Are you for real?” Jasper’s hand hit his forehead. “Wait ’til the guys hear this one.”

“But…but we called a truce!” I whined.

“That was before you were a clueless idiot.”

I should have known it would be short-lived. Oh well, the satisfaction of having him experience the anal object insertion demo was totally worth it.

Oh my God, indeed! If, in the future, anyone asks you to name the funniest fic you’ve ever read, Awkwardly Yours will be at the top of the list!

So, there you have it! What fics have moved you to tears of laughter…or tears in general?

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

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Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

Who wants to see what a FIVE STAR Rita rec’d fic looks like?

A show of hands will do LOL!

For those of you who have never read anything by Psyche001, you’re in for the ride of your life!

These two fics, especially, are worlds different from anything you’ve read before or will again! Well, until she coughs up Part 3 – Fire and Brimstone {and I can be veeery patient for this one}!!!

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569026/1/Set-in-Stone

From within the night’s secret shadows,a beautiful winged creature falls for a human girl.She is forbidden fruit in his world but still,he crosses the line to save her life.What happens when their worlds collide & she discovers his horrible fate? AU/M/BXE

Rated: Fiction M – English – Hurt/Comfort/Angst – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 22 – Words: 195,648 – Reviews: 1,417 – Favs: 1,345 – Follows: 490 – Updated: Aug 23, 2010 – Published: Dec 9, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 5569026

Against all odds, Bella is pulled alive from a submerged car but by who…or what?

I knew I wasn’t crazy and I knew he was real. I had seen his outline, and I had heard his voice. And I was sure I saw something too much like wings for it to be just an illusion.

Thus begins her fascination with mythical creatures of the winged variety which leads to the discovery of a hidden tower with eight Gargoyles guarding the top!

Despite his snarl, his face was softer than the others. He was not nearly as menacing or angry looking. He simply looked…uncomfortable. His front legs were held in the air as if he was about to leap and his wings were noticeably larger than the rest. They were wider in span, held higher and longer. I had to tip toe to reach them.

“Beautiful lion,” I whispered, as I stroked his cool stone surface.

“Eight,” I said into the recorder. “This one faces south and he’s a lion. His wings are beautiful, so big and powerful looking, and I like his face. He’s snarly, but his eyes are gentle. Without even seeing the others properly yet, he’s already my favorite.”

I tip-toed again and was able to reach his jaw. I passed my finger tips along it and even dared to touch his bared teeth, marvelling at how real they felt. His dormant strength shot through my fingers and stilled me for a few moments, holding me in place so that I could stare at him in wonder. I lowered myself onto my heels and ran my hand over his mane, down his neck and over his chest. His sculptured body was hard and muscular and cool to the touch. It was the closest I’d ever get to an actual lion and by the size of him alone I knew I’d never try.

I raised my camera from around my neck then and took a few pictures of him.

“I’ll be back,” I said.

What she doesn’t realize is that Edward is fully aware of her presence and her touch!!!

While the others hissed and cursed by the touch of her fingers, I inclined toward it. She left a burning trail from the warmth of her skin from my face to my feet. I had not felt her touch before that day. The last I knew of her warmth was the night of the accident when I was bold enough to press my lips on hers. This affection from her however, was unexpected. Even more unexpected was the way my spirit reacted to it, even in my stone form. It awakened me. The frustration of being trapped within my stone walls was never more aggravating. She didn’t know what she did to me with her hands that day and the fond inflection in her voice when she whispered melted the hardest parts in me. But in spite of all that was good about it, a part of me resisted for  her own safety.

This is an epic love story that shakes the very heavens! Are you tempted to know more? Click the link!!!

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6269044/1/In-Darkness-or-Light

Sequel to Set in Stone:She single handedly divided the Legion.Now she stands between the army which was created to destroy her & the side who will fight to save her. The battle was won when Aro decided to let Edward live, but who will win the war? BxE/AU

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Angst – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 25 – Words: 157,415 – Reviews: 1,499 – Favs: 705 – Follows: 497 – Updated: May 22, 2011 – Published: Aug 25, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 6269044

At the end of Set in Stone, Edward and Bella are forced to part with Edward facing certain death for his part in the celestial war. But never fear!

“I do not want life if it doesn’t include Bella, Aro. I have made that clear.
Unless the rules of the Legion have changed, which I doubt, living still means having to stay away from her. I won’t be able to do that. I won’t even try.”

“You won’t have to,” he said, “if you are human.”

Ah ha! However, there’s a catch…well, there’s always a catch, isn’t there?

Yes, I wanted to be with Bella. But going back without memory meant going back to a stranger. It would never be the same again. Not for me, and not for her. I would be making a decision for her without her having any input. By choosing to accept this I  would be putting a massive burden on her, and possibly worsening the situation.

 

All this of course, was assuming Aro even allowed her to keep her memory in the first place. According to the rule, humans weren’t supposed to know. If Aro chose to take Bella’s memory too, the possibility of our love rekindling was even smaller. We would forget each other.

I sighed heavily and let my head hang.

 

Oh, dear! What WILL he do? Click the link and find out!!!

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

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Random Rita ~ Thursday Teaser!

Wet Rob Avi

If you haven’t heard the news yet, I’m here to tell you…

FLUFFY LIZ IS WRITIN’ AGAIN *SQUEEEEE!*

Yup! You heard right! The widely acclaimed author of Wild Child and Where Roads Converge strikes again!

Stay tuned!!!

Rob Attack

The House stands in dreadful silence, watching, waiting,biding its time.

And now, finally, that time has come…

OMG! I can hardly wait *nail bitin’ muppet flails!*

See ya’ll tomorrow!

Rita

Night Raider

15 Comments

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Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin, ladies!

Well, if any of you were followin’ the comments last week, you’d know me ‘n Kay were gonna tackle Wisp together!

Don’t know how far she got but I read all the way through to the end in a couple of days, it was that good LOL!

Now, ever since readin’ Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003 in the early, early days after discoverin’ fanfiction, I’ve been drawn to such stories. Today, I found myself wonderin’ WHY and I’d have to say it’s about the triumph of good vs evil, light vs darkness, love vs hate…happiness risin’ from the ashes of tragedy like a phoenix!

Even so, I’d like to think I don’t have my head stuck in the sand! I’d like to think that if I EVER caught a whiff of a child in my vicinity bein’ abused in any way, I’d open my damn mouth about it!

WARNING: These stories contains dark themes such as abuse and violence. They deal with the aftermath of child abuse so consider carefully before you read them. There will be NO graphic descriptions of the abuse, but implications will be made. The focus is mainly on emotions because that’s what it’s all about in the end.

{adapted from Dooba’s intro}

Rob Attack {Banner by Ysar}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8051177/1/Wisp

Edward wins more than he bargained for at what was supposed to be a friendly poker game. AH. Ysar made me my banner!

Rated: Fiction M – English – Hurt/Comfort/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 63 – Words: 325,303 – Reviews: 13,725 – Favs: 5,292 – Follows: 6,727 – Updated: Nov 21, 2014 – Published: Apr 23, 2012 – Status: Complete – id: 8051177

“My Pet.” Wisp glanced at the cat asleep at the foot of the bed.

 “Yes. Pet is yours, and no one is going to take her away from you, okay? We know she means a lot to you.”

Her hands lifted slowly, and he could see the faint tremble of her tired, malnourished body. He held very still, Wisp’s face intent as her hands softly cupped his face. She held him, her palms cool against his cheeks as her dark eyes traveled over his features. She’d never looked at him like this before, with such fierce attention, a delicate little line appearing between her eyebrows as she stared. Her thumbs moved, stroking his skin, slow and gentle. “Edward,” she breathed.

Careful not to dislodge her hands, he nodded. 

“Good Edward. Pretty Edward.” 

One side of his mouth managed to lift. “If you say so.” 

“My Edward?” 

He exhaled slowly. She was hesitant, unsure, her lower lip disappearing into her mouth as she waited for his answer.

As if there were any question. He’d been hers from the minute he first touched her, helping Carlisle remove her from the back of James’ filthy pickup truck. Did she not know? How could she not know? He did his best to show her, every day. 

Edward leaned forward slightly, dropping his forehead against hers. Her breath was warm, but her skin felt cool against his. He needed to get her under some blankets soon. “Your Edward,” he agreed. He’d made the promise to her so many times, but this was the first time he thought she might actually understand. 

If you’re brave enough to read Wisp, you won’t regret is, especially coupled with the outtakes posted separately which round out the story so beautifully!

~oOo~

Rob Attack https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5705727/1/Loner

All Human. Edward Cullen was a loner, an outcast. He clearly hated everybody, including himself. He was not a nice person. So, why was I so drawn to him? And why did I get the crazy feeling he felt the same way?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Hurt/Comfort – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 115 – Words: 379,793 – Reviews: 10,374 – Favs: 4,659 – Follows: 2,781 – Updated: Jul 6, 2011 – Published: Jan 31, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 5705727

The boy, if you could call him that, was absolutely stunning; his skin was pale and his eyes the most beautiful shade of green. He had high cheekbones, a strong jawline, a perfectly straight nose, and full lips that just seemed to scream ‘kiss me’. His bronze colored hair was messy, and I found myself wondering what it would feel like to run my fingers through it.

“Watch where you’re going, bitch.”

With that, he pushed his way past me and I was left to stare after him with my mouth wide open. Okay, what had just happened?

Not the most auspicious beginnin’, is it? However, it’s not long before Edward discovers Bella can be trusted with his heart!

He just shook his head, letting out a defeated sigh. That was when I got hit by a sudden impulse, and held out my hand, just like I had done when we were at the meadow. “If you take my hand…” My voice cracked, and I started over, “If you take my hand, I promise not to let go.”

He just kept looking at me, doubt still evident on his face, and I sighed. “I mean, of course I’ll have to go home eventually, or Charlie will most likely send out a search party, but the point I’m trying to make is…” My voice trailed off as Edward reached out his hand – not slowly and hesitantly, like earlier at the meadow, but in a quick, jerky motion, like he was forcing himself to act fast, before he would lose his courage.

I nearly wept when his hand finally grasped mine, tightly, like he was drowning and I was his life line. And I realized that – in that moment, to Edward – it was exactly what I was.

“I won’t let go,” I assured him again, and then I fell silent, because words suddenly seemed unnecessary. Instead I pulled his hand down in my lap, holding it gently between mine, like I had wanted to do for so long but never actually dared.

“Promise?” he whispered hoarsely, and my eyes immediately snapped open.

At first, I didn’t understand what he was asking, because all I could think about was the sensation of his fingers in my hair. Then it all came back to me, and I nodded, eagerly. “I promise,” I breathed, giving his hand a soft squeeze. “You’re stuck with me now.”

I glanced at him, my fingers absently tracing circles at the back of his hand. He still looked really tired, but somehow, my touch suddenly seemed to have a calming effect on him. The irony wasn’t lost on me, seeing how it was only days ago that he had shied away in terror.

Needless to say, Loner has been high on my favorites list for as long as I’ve had my TBR LOL!

Rob Attack

~oOo~

Rob Attack  {banner by DivineInspiration}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6356034/1/Torn

Bella Swan has survived a living hell, twice. She no longer speaks. Nobody ever listened. The Cullen family take her into their care. Bella fights to leave her past behind, but will she be able to let love in? AH M-rated for violence, content, language Rated: Fiction M – English – Hurt/Comfort – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 83 – Words: 606,410 – Reviews: 15,082 – Favs: 6,053 – Follows: 6,579 – Updated: Aug 17 – Published: Sep 27, 2010 – id: 6356034

This is a long passage but it’s one of my favorites because it shows how fiercely protective each member of the Cullen family is towards Bella!

In my head, I’m screaming, but even the mental scream is cut short because I shut down completely, going limp and falling down to the ground with Mike still holding me in this impossible position. 

“That’s right, just relax now,” he says. 

We’re on the floor, and his legs come around mine, but I don’t feel it anymore. I’m far away, feeling as if I am looking down at the scene from above. Mike keeps on holding me, using way too much force, putting strain on my neck. It reminds me of the last night with Stefan and I pull back further, retreat deeper into my mind. 

In that moment, the door of the classroom bursts open with a loud bang. 

“Michael! What the fuck!” Edward roars. Quick footsteps come near and I’m pushed forward and back, and then Mike’s grip is gone from me and I am alone. 

“I was helping her, you idiot!” Mike shouts. 

Are they fighting? Edward is shouting at him. “Are you out of your goddamn mind?” 

Not really hearing anything, I curl up in a tight ball, my eyes unable to close. I can see the dust on the floor and the wall of the room, and then Alice’s face as she lies down in front of me, looking into my eyes. 

She’s crying. 

I don’t really register it. 

“Shit, what happened?” It’s Emmett’s voice. 

Mike,” Edward says by way of explanation. 

More sounds of struggle. “You made her panic like that? Shall I make you panic like that?” Emmett’s voice is dark, protective. Angry. I can’t move. I want to see, to protect myself, but I can’t move. 

“No, man. Let go of me,” Mike says. 

“No,” Emmett growls. “You’re not getting away with this. We’ve warned you away, Bella warned you away. This is assault, and you’re going to pay.” 

“I called mom.” Rosalie. “She’s on her way. Fuck off, there’s nothing to see here. Yes, you heard me. Leave. 

Are there students? Oh, no. 

“Jasper, can you go out and wait for mom?” 

“Somebody kindly explain what happened here.” Principal Greene. 

Too many voices. I shut down further. I can’t do it anymore. 

“Hang in there, Bella,” Alice says softly. “It’ll be all right.” 

Voices blur together until it’s one chaos of sounds I can no longer make any sense of. The floor is cool, the cold creeping through my clothes and into my bones. Yet I can’t move. 

“Bella?” Edward. “Bella, can you hear me? Can you give me any sign you can hear me?” 

“She’s not reacting, Edward.” Alice is still lying in front of me, trying to look into my eyes. My vision is blurry now. I haven’t blinked in such a long time I can’t see much anymore. “Bella, can you get up?” 

No. 

“Can you lift her?” That’s Esme. Oh Esme, I’m so sorry… 

“I don’t know. She’s really not responding.” 

“I think she can hear us,” Alice says softly. “Bella? Everybody is gone now. We’re going to take you home, okay?” 

Silence. 

Movement, behind me. I can’t see. I’m scared. 

Please don’t hurt me. 

Edward’s voice, closer by now. “I’m sorry, Bella. I’m going to lift you now. I’m sorry,” he says again. His voice sounds so tight. 

A hand under my shoulders, an arm under my knees. 

“Don’t be afraid, it’s just me,” Edward says softly. “Here we go, one, two…” On three I leave the ground. 

I’m so scared, but there’s nothing I can do. I am locked up in my own mind. 

Edward holds me against his chest, leaning back a bit for balance. My head rolls with the shift in gravity and comes to rest against his shoulder. 

I know this scent. 

My arm dangles in nothingness. 

“I have you,” Edward says quietly. “I won’t let you fall, Bella. We’ll take you home now, okay? I’ll bring you to the car.”

Edward steps out into the deserted hallway. I can only see ceiling, partly obscured by Edward’s chest and arm. But the atmosphere in the hall is different, open. Fear overwhelms me and my hand clenches into a fist involuntarily, grasping Edward’s sweater tightly in my hand.

 “Hold on to me,” he whispers so softly I’m sure only I can hear. “I won’t let you down, Bella. I won’t leave.”

~oOo~

Even though these are fictional stories, they could very well be based on RL cases and I’m so glad there are good people puttin’ themselves out there to rescue and care for kids like these!

What stories kept you glued to you screens this week?

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

37 Comments

Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’, ladies!

Friday Featured Author woulda been a better title for today’s post LOL!

My introduction to Bower-of-Bliss came by way of Clairebamboozle waaay back in December 2012 tellin’ me all about this super fun fic she’d come across called Drowning, not waving, which turned out to be written by one of our Aussie sisters!

Little did I know just how addicted I was gonna get to BoB’s fics!

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7385794/1/Drowning-not-waving

30 year old Bella Swan is the swimming instructor who teaches the Sunday morning daddy and baby classes.  Although he’s a forbidden man, her attraction to Edward Cullen, the newest daddy to join the Waterbabes group, is instantaneous. Can Bella drown her libido and maintain her professionalism? B x E x H2O equals slippery when wet. All Human. Minimal angst. Complete.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 154 – Words: 269,073 – Reviews: 9,352 – Favs: 3,176 – Follows: 3,525 – Updated: Sep 30, 2013 – Published: Sep 16, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7385794

Okay, I hear you groanin’, “Oh, no! Not another Daddyward fic!” but trust me…it’s all a misunderstandin’!

Edward is the last to get out, and as he passes Milly to me, I get a much closer look at the tattoo on his bicep. It is in the shape of a black crusader shield. In the center is a white, downward pointing sword. A third of the way down the length of the blade, what I had previously thought were wings, turn out to be light-blue flames. Below the flames, inked in black across the length of a mid-blue cloth banner, is a motto. It appears to be written in Latin.

Qui audet adipiscitur.

The whole emblem is detailed in black and outlined in red ink.

Oh, did I forget to mention we have an ex-SAS Tattward on our hands? He rides a motorcycle, he’s a helicopter pilot AND he owns a Corsair 37-foot Bluewater Cruiser, as well!

Oh, yeah!!!

What with friends, family and herself cockblockin’ at every turn, it takes a while for Edward and Bella to finally get it on…and when they do, AND WHEN THEY DOOOO!?!

Well, you’ll just have to read to find out but you won’t be disappointed!

Rob Attack

~oOo~

More recently, I’d been completely caught up in BoB’s current WIP, Rescue to Release, when a plot bunny bit her and she had to take a side trip to feed the beast LOL!

Honestly, I have NO IDEA what anyone finds so fascinatin’ about the sport of cricket….sorry, just no! Guess you have to be born to it!?!

However, knowin’ BoB’s wicked sense of humor by now, I dived in and enjoyed the hell out of It’s Just Not Cricket!

Rob Attack

{banner by FallingSnow Winter}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11025321/1/It-s-Just-Not-Cricket

From Wikipedia – Cricket is a unique game where in addition to the laws, the players must abide by the Spirit of the Game. The standard of sportsmanship has historically been considered so high that the phrase “it’s just not cricket” was coined in the 19th Century to describe unfair or underhanded behaviour in any walk of life.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella, Edward, James – Chapters: 6 – Words: 27,620 – Reviews: 182 – Favs: 102 – Follows: 168 – Updated: Mar 3 – Published: Feb 6 – Status: Complete – id: 11025321

In this story, Edward is a registered nurse specializin’ in anesthetics. He’ll do anything not to have to assist Dr. Doolan LOL!

The last person to enter the operating room is James Doolan, the on-call Orthopaedic Registrar for tonight, and I have to suppress the urge to groan out loud. Doctor Doolan (AKA Doctor Douchebag) is the most conceited son-of-a-bitch I’ve come across. I first met him years ago when he was an intern at the kid’s hospital. He wasn’t too bad back then, but as he has advanced through the roles of Resident Medical Officer, and then Registrar, his ego has expanded accordingly.

Through hilariously gross, extenuatin’ circumstances, Edward has to assume the persona of ‘Smash,’ the Adelaide Strikers mascot and superhero, cartoon-type character for the T-20 Big Bash game between the Adelaide Strikers and Sydney Thunder.

To give you an idea what Edward’s performance might look like:

Durin’ a pause due to rain, he accidently on purpose abducts said Doctor Dochebag’s girlfriend!

Isabella smiles at the {KissCam}camera, but James doesn’t seem to notice what is going on. He appears to be looking at something on his phone. She looks at James and says something, but he just shakes his head. She looks back at the camera, smiles sweetly and then waves, but the bucketheads can smell the blood in the water and they boo loudly.

What the fuck is James’ problem?

He’s sitting next to his hot, young girlfriend and it seems he can’t even be bothered to give her the time of day, let alone a kiss for the camera. What a fucking moron! If she were my girl, everyone in this stadium would know, undeniably, my feelings for her. Hell! Everyone watching the telecast throughout Australia would know she was mine.

Without a conscious thought on my part, I find myself running down towards the front row. On reaching her seat, I bend down and scoop her up into my arms. Then I turn and start running back up the aisle towards the stadium complex. Compared to me, Isabella is a tiny little thing and seems to weigh nothing at all. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I laugh when I hear her shrieking and giggling hysterically. A loud roar explodes from the crowd just as I reach the top of the aisle. I have no idea of what is going on behind me, but I don’t take the time to pause, just in case James is chasing after me having realised that I’ve just taken his girl.

Edward Masen is a lover, not a fighter.

Shamwows are highly recommended while readin’ this short but immensely sweet and funny fic LMAO!

Rob Attack

~oOo~

Finally, I’m reccin’ another WIP but what a fabulous WIP it is *swoon!*

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10228577/1/Rescue-To-Release

“As a cinematographer, I’ve given some thoughts to how I might die, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d die of dehydration, cut up and bleeding while perched in a tree in the middle of the Australian outback. As you can see, Sam is down below. He’s an insane and perpetually randy, 7-foot tall, alpha-male kangaroo, and he belongs to that equally mental bloke, Cullen.”

Rated: Fiction M – English – Adventure/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 11 – Words: 86,071 – Reviews: 514 – Favs: 295 – Follows: 534 – Updated: 13h ago – Published: Mar 30, 2014 – id: 10228577

“Whoa! Who’s that guy?”

I look back at the screen and see Cullen’s green-eyed gaze staring back at me. “Oh, that’s Cullen, also known as Boomer… And God, apparently,” I add with a giggle when I think about his When Harry Met Sally impersonation when we were in the tent.

She lets out a wolf whistle. “He’s dishy,” she says with a look of admiration at the screen.

Angela sits down and grabs the cordless phone from its charging cradle. She dials the number for the reception desk to let Rose know what’s going on, and within a minute, Rose races through the door.

“Hope you haven’t started without me,” she says, gasping for breath.

“You can take it from here, Bella,” Stefan says as he stands up from the high-backed, leather chair. “I don’t want to be here listening to these two while they pant like horny teenagers and cream their knickers.”

The first image that comes on the screen is of a shirtless Cullen standing in Esme’s kitchen. He’s preparing a bottle of formula with one hand, while cradling the little joey, Edward, against his body with the other.

I begin to read out the narration that Stefan and I have come up with so far.

“In the heart of outback Australia, in a place not far from Alice Springs, an ordinary man is living an extraordinary life…”

While I absolutely adored Drowning, not waving and It’s Just Not Cricket, my heart belongs to Boomer…as will yours *SWOON!*

Rob Attack

{banner by FallingSnow Winter}

A rather long post, this time, but I blame all the pretty banners I couldn’t leave behind LOL!

Now that I’ve showed you mine…you show me yours!

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

36 Comments

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Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

As you may {or may not} know, Jaxon22 has pulled all of her fics in preparation of publishin’ A Pound of Flesh in June of 2015!

While I am extremely happy for her, I deeply mourn the loss of Dancing in the Dark, which was still a WIP when she pulled it *sigh!*

It was one of my favorite Daddywards…I mean, doesn’t this summary just make you wanna scream like a fangirl??

“You can’t start a fire, you can’t start a fire without a spark. This gun’s for hire even if we’re just dancing in the dark.” Immersed in a world of dance, drink, drugs, and women, Edward Cullen is the ultimate bachelor. Until he receives a late night phone call that changes everything.

Rob Attack

Edward was a manwhore…a Magic Mike kinda stripper, and imaginin’ his hair, make-up and outfits {or lack thereof} was a huge turn-on, as well as how he handled sudden and totally unexpected fatherhood LOL!

Well, I read the WIP again {many times} and gnashed my teeth, wept and wailed until I remembered a similar summary and rushed to my TBR for a thorough search!

Yes! *fist pump!* 

Rob Attack

{banner via myffrecs.tumblr.com}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7520210/1/Fatherhood-Formula-and-Other-F-Words

When man-whore, foul-mouthed Edward’s life takes an unexpected turn, he’s left with a baby to raise. With the help of a friendly neighbor, he learns sometimes the unexpected could be the best thing that’s ever happened. All Human

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 38 – Words: 142,732 – Reviews: 6,279 – Favs: 5,861 – Follows: 4,722 – Updated: Dec 2, 2013 – Published: Nov 4, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7520210

Chicks had a thing for doctors; it wasn’t a secret. I learned that fact my third year in med school. The scrubs, lab coat, fuck, the stethoscope… it all just beckoned them. They flocked to me, and dear God, I loved it. Like her, the girl under me. She wanted me for my profession. Her first words were, and I’m fucking quoting here: “Let’s play doctor”. Hell yeah, baby. We’ll play doctor. We’ll play doctor all fucking night.

It didn’t take long for me to blow my load. It felt fucking amazing. I passed out next to the chick, praying she’d be gone by the time I woke up. Thankfully, I was right. I didn’t see her again….

Famous last words LMAO! Yeah, he might not be a stripper but our Doctorward IS a First Class manwhore!

I made my way up to my apartment. As I unlocked the door, New Girl’s door opened, and she bolted out.

“Oh, good! You’re home. You uh… had a visitor, and since I didn’t want her waiting in the hall, I invited her in,” she said. “Please, don’t be mad.”

I cocked my head. “Visitor? Why would I be mad?”

“I didn’t know what she wanted, but I think you’ll be happy,” she said. “Maybe.”

A woman I vaguely recognized came waltzing out of New Girl’s apartment. I couldn’t quite place her, but I knew her somehow. She smiled, switching the car seat she was carrying to the other hand.

Chick that wanted to play doctor. “Yeah, sorry. What…what do you need?” I said, looking at the car seat with a blanket over it.

Please, fuck no.

“I have great news.” Somehow, I seriously doubted I’d find it that great. “You’re a daddy!”

What I love most about this fic are the beautifully crafted relationships between each and every character! Especially Edward’s relationship with baby Sofia, or Little One as he incessantly calls her {the only thing I found a tiny bit annoyin’} and Bella, or New Girl…the name he gave her before he really got to know her!

Rob Attack

{banner by IllicitWriter}

Know what else I love about this fic? There’s a SEQUEL!!!

Rob Attack

{banner by IllicitWriter}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8669311/1/A-Few-More-F-Words

Fatherhood sequel. Five year old Sofia is starting school and Edward can’t help but feel his baby is growing up too fast. While he and Bella try to juggle a hyper little girl, careers, and their relationship, they find out their lives are about to change drastically once more. All Human.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 17 – Words: 65,594 – Reviews: 2,401 – Favs: 2,735 – Follows: 3,292 – Updated: Feb 1, 2014 – Published: Nov 3, 2012 – Status: Complete – id: 8669311

And here they go again LMAO!

“You’re…pregnant.” I smiled, laying my hand against hers. “With my baby.”

She laughed. “Of course it’s yours! Who else’s would it be?”

I pulled her into my arms and pressed my lips to hers. Our tongues moved together as my hand slid under her shirt and laid against her flat stomach. In just a few short months, I’d feel a baby move. My baby. I fucking hated that I didn’t get that with Little One, so I was already planning on making the most out of this. Bella, my wife, was having my baby. Little One would be a big sister, and I’d be a dad again. Maybe I wouldn’t be so freaked out over every little thing this time. Who the hell was I kidding? Yes, I would.

“I love you so much,” I said, pressing my forehead to hers. “Bella, I’ll never be able to thank you enough for loving me —for trusting me to be the man you thought I could be. We’re going to be parents again. Holy shit.”

She pecked my lips softly. “If this baby’s first word is a curse, I’m divorcing you.”

I laughed, picking her up off of the couch. “Sure, Nibbles, sure.”

I carried her upstairs, trying to be quiet so we wouldn’t wake Sofia. The kid had just become more of a cockblocker as she got older, so I didn’t get as many chances as I wanted to make love to my wife.

Awwww! From beginnin’ to end, I found these fics immensely entertainin’ and highly recommendable…hey, a big word LOL! Oh, and did I mention they are both COMPLETE?

So, Daddyward has kept me busy this week! Who did you enjoy???

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

26 Comments

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Random Rita ~ Tuesday Tumblr Treasure!

Wet Rob Avi

Surprise, ladies!

Yeah, for some reason *cough*ROB*cough,* I’ve been havin’ a hard time concentratin’ on fanfics!

Of course, I’m keepin’ up with my herd of WIP updates but I’m waitin’ for most of ’em to complete before reccin’ ’em!

IN THE MEANTIME…

I was sortin’ through my “draft” posts, dumpin’ blanks I don’t even remember makin’, when I came across this awesomely cute Rob gif!

That man makes the most innocent faces while, at the same time, the twinkle in his eyes gives it all away and you just KNOW he’s plottin’ our downfall!

BIG Rob 142

See what I mean? And that wasn’t the only one…

Rob Attack

Run, I tell you…RUN, before it’s too late!

Oh…my bad! *facepalm!* It’s been too late since 2008 ROTFLMAO!!!

Happy Tuesday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

 

36 Comments

Filed under Rita01tx, Rob Pattinson

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fic!

Wet Rob Avi

“Eenie meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak!”

Bullwinkle J. Moose

*   *   *   *   *

Evenin’ ladies!

Midnight approaches and I’ve been readin’ all day tryin’ to finish today’s rec in time but it wasn’t to be…I’m still 10 chapters from the end!

Still, that’s no reason to keep it from you now, is it? NO!

And after what I did to you WIP Wussies last week, this one’s COMPLETE!

Rob Attack

banner by AstridGreenEyes

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10717411/1/Fifty-Days-to-Heaven

When Edward Cullen’s soul separates from his body after a car accident, he realizes it’s going to take a lot more than jumping back into it to get his life back. Fifty days should be plenty of time to find three tears of pure love, right? Based on 49 Days and Pure Love.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Supernatural – [Edward, Bella] Jasper – Chapters: 38 – Words: 87,358 – Reviews: 437 – Favs: 147 – Follows: 222 – Updated: Feb 3 – Published: Sep 26, 2014 – Status: Complete – id: 10717411

As you can see from the summary, Edward’s body and soul have parted company and he’s gonna need a little divine intervention to get it back…enter Scheduler!

Edward’s eyes widened as he saw his body carried out of the mangled Aston Martin. His head was bleeding profusely, and his eyes were closed as the EMT’s hurriedly transferred his body onto a stretcher and eventually, brought to the ambulance.

“What the hell happened?!” he fisted his hair in confusion. “That can’t be me! I’m right here!”

“Actually, that is you. Or, your body, anyway.”

Edward spun around at the voice. What he saw was a petite girl with spiky black hair and the most ridiculous outfit he’d ever seen.

Seriously, who wears gold tights with a pink tutu?

“Like you haven’t seen women in eccentric clothing before,” the girl scoffed as she came closer.

“Who are you?” Edward asked warily.

“You can call me Scheduler,” the girl grinned. “And I’m here to help you.”

 And, since he’s a spirit, he won’t be able to physically facilitate his search for the three tears without a host!

“Him?” Edward clarified as he looked at the man who brisk walked towards them. He was tall, probably around Edward’s height, and had a lanky built. His shaggy blond hair kept getting in his blue eyes’ line of vision, so his hand constantly worked to keep them away.

“Yeah, that’s definitely him,” Scheduler nodded. She followed the blond man as he entered the diner, Edward not far behind her.

“Jasper, there you are!” an elderly waitress – Shelly, her nametag said – exclaimed once the door opened. “I was beginning to worry, honey. You’re almost an hour late.”

“I know, I know,” Jasper huffed as he removed his jacket. “Is Mel mad?”

Shelly scoffed. “Of course not. Anyway, it’s not like we’re in the middle of a bustling dinner service here. It’s midnight after all.”

“Good point,” Jasper smiled as he donned an apron. “So, what needs to get done around here?”

Poor Jasper doesn’t know what the hell’s happenin’ to him…there are holes in his memory and he’s missin’ blocks of time! Little does he know Edward has the day shift while he’s stuck with the night shift LOL!

Not gonna give away all the plot twists and turns and, believe me, there are plenty! Just when you think you’ve got things figured out BAM!

All-in-all, I’ve been enjoyin’ the hell outta this fic and plan to finish it before I go beddies *gigglesnort!*

Rob Attack

banner by AstridGreenEyes

What fics have been hauntin’ you this week?

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

 

24 Comments

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Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Afternoon, ladies!

Again, I’ve been blown out of my socks by the first chapter of a WIP, which means I’m not even gonna wait for chapter 2 to post to tell you about it!

In fact, THREE WIP’s have grabbed me this week!!!

Rob Attack

 {banner by Cared}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11007954/1/Welcome-to-What-A-Burger-Number-Unknown

Follow Professor Swan as she flees her academic life in Massachusetts and goes on the lam. But when her truck breaks down in a small North Carolina town, will the love of a simple man and the friendship from a couple of bat-shit crazy waitresses be enough to save her? “We ain’t Flo and Alice, Hun, but we’re all you got.”

Rated: Fiction M – English – Drama – Bella, Edward – Words: 1,714 – Reviews: 29 – Favs: 32 – Follows: 81 – Published: 10h ago – id: 11007954

Every school in the United States, and most likely, in the world, has a beloved educator, bar none.

From the smallest elementary school to the largest university, there is that one teacher, counselor, professor, or college Dean, to whom everyone gravitates. It’s almost as if they have within their very beings, a magnet that draws students inside their offices for deep discussions about deteriorating grades, or for a nonsensical discourse about the questionable entrées dished up weekly in the student dining hall.
His students (for it is most often a position filled by a man) simply adore, no, revere him.

He is the man about campus, the person you want to be, or failing that, wish to be with; a true legend in the making.

His colleagues attempt in vain to emulate his style, and pattern themselves after his character, but unfortunately for them, they fall short, abominably.

He is in a class of his own.

He has that certain something, which the French call Joie de vivre, a joy of living, an exultation of spirit, if you will. It can never be imitated or learned regardless the effort one employs.

It is simply innate.

At Haworth-Adams, where I am a Professor of Literature, we had James Witherdale.

First off, I was struck by the truth about beloved educators! We all have/had them! So, what happens to make Bella run away screaming?  You’ll have to read to fine out *wicked evil laughter!*

And, in case you don’t want to wait until WtWAB#U is complete, Jane-with-a-y has 2 complete fics on her profile!

~oOo~

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11007462/1/Trafficked-Love

Bella is a powerful woman,being wife of Edward Cullen,the head of mafia family of USA.Having lost her parents to human trafficking at the age of twelve,she never expected her adoptive family,the Cullens,to be involved in crets unveil and plots unravel,as she finds herself on the run from everyone she ever knew.But where do you hide,when your husband owns the entire country?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Crime – Words: 1,248 – Reviews: 11 – Favs: 28 – Follows: 50 – Published: 14h ago – id: 11007462

Bella sat there unmoving, her arms folded in front of her, moodily looking at the wall, instead of the Native American sitting across the small table. She silently cursed herself for the millionth time, as she heard him ramble on, trying to get her to speak. She had taken her black Mercedes this morning and peeled out of the house, without the driver or any of her bodyguards, and now she was regretting her decision.

For the last hour, Jacob Black, her childhood friend, the one she made mud-pies with, was trying to convince her to confess against Edward, against the Cullen family; the head mafia family of the entire US.

Bella could feel her heart thumping loudly; she had to remind herself to breathe. She struggled to remain unmoved, to maintain the perfect mask she had been wearing since she came here. There was nothing the Cullens were not involved in; they were into everything- arms and weaponry, drugs, oil, money laundering- if it was illegal, the Cullens did it.

Except one thing. One thing that Edward had promised her the family would never get into. He had promised her that no matter what happened, he would never get into the thing that changed her life in a second, had taken away her parents at just twelve years of age and thrown her into the world of crime.

“Human Trafficking.”

Holy crap! I had so many questions at the end of chapter 1 and I can’t wait to get the answers *squeee!*

Unfortunately, this author has no complete fics on her profile so it’s either dive straight in or wait LOL!

~oOo~

Rob Attack

 {banner by Cared}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9894117/1/He-Came-Along

This was going to be a fresh start; a new beginning, in a far off place. But what happened that night, on a dark road near Maxwell changed everything for Bella.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 22 – Words: 82,264 – Reviews: 1,609 – Favs: 692 – Follows: 1,146 – Updated: Nov 23, 2014 – Published: Dec 2, 2013 – id: 9894117

We had been on the road for more than four weeks, slowly making our way from a small town near Atlanta to the newly opened Oklahoma Territory. Having been recently hired as the sheriff of a small, but growing town, my Pa was looking forward to a fresh start for the two of us.

My mother, Renee, had died in childbirth, leaving a grief-stricken husband to care for a tiny, newborn girl. Of course, he had no idea what to do with a baby, much less a baby girl, so I grew up being entertained by the town drunk in the holding cell, and the occasional thief or gunslinger when they were caught. These circumstances did nothing for me socially, and I became the outsider, the strange girl who spent her time in places a lady should never be.

Without even realizing it, I shifted in my seat once again, causing Pa to glance over to watch me as I rubbed my hand across the back of my neck and rolled my shoulders.

Clearing his throat, he tried to distract me.

“This will be good for us, Bella. Who knows, we might just find you a man.”

So, we know what brings Charlie and Bella to the frontier town of Maxwell, Oklahoma, but what about Edward?

 Dr. Cullen dropped his gaze to the table, frowning for a moment before clearing his throat. When his eyes met mine, they were blazing with an intensity I had never seen.

“My name is Edward, and I prefer that to Dr. Cullen, at least from your lips,” his eyes dropped to my mouth for a moment before returning to hold my gaze once again. “I moved here from Chicago just over a year ago. My parents still live there, as does my sister and her husband. I enjoy the challenges life in Maxwell brings me, and have no desire to live in the big city again, as I am quite content to care for the good people here. I have never had a wife or children, and will be twenty nine on my next birthday.”

He placed some money on the table before he stood and offered his hand, “I truly believe this will be good for the both of us, Bella.”

What the hell? How did she wind up with Edward and where’s Charlie? This is Hopesparkles’s 3rd fic, the last two completin’ in 2012, so I’m excited to take this ride with her!

WIP or complete, what fics have you been readin’ this week?

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

 

17 Comments

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Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

When you hear the  name Awesomesauce76, you automatically think Last Tango in Forks *standin’ ovation with whistles and cheers’*…which was subsequently pulled for publishin’! *well, pooh for us…good for her!*

However, it would be beyond silly to forget the other fabulous fics still listed on her profile, such as…

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7628327/1/The-Single-Game

New girl Bella Swan is finally ready to start dating again, but the only boy she’s interested in is too shy to even talk to her. Why are her friends convinced that the answer to her problem is some crazy party game… with kissing? AU/AH, BPOV, COMPLETE.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 43 – Words: 94,173 – Reviews: 6,305 – Favs: 3,729 – Follows: 2,278 – Updated: Jan 14, 2014 – Published: Dec 11, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7628327

Bella discovered sex while livin’ in Phoenix with Renee but after her boyfriend, Riley, cheated on her, she decided to escape all the drama by goin’ to live with Charlie in Forks.

God I miss sex.

It’s been two months since I moved, and it hasn’t gotten any better. There aren’t even any boys that interest me, so I don’tknow why I can’t stop obsessing about it, but I miss the closeness… I miss the intimacy.

I’m also starting to wonder if it might be better with someone new, which has me reevaluating the whole ‘no boys’ idea.

The only problem is… who?

After consultin’ with Alice, she insists it would have to be someone who is the complete opposite of her ex, Riley!

I turned and ran down the hall, just making it to my next class before the last bell rang. As I dumped my bag on the table, I sat down with a huff next to my lab partner. I couldn’t get all the things Alice and I had talked about out of my mind.

“Hey… are you okay?” a soft, gentle voice asked beside me. “You seem a little upset.”

“Huh?” I looked over at the concerned boy sitting next to me, blinking at me behind a pair of black-framed glasses. I think it was the most words I’d ever heard him put together at one time. “Sorry, Edward. Don’t mind me today. I’m just a little preoccupied, I guess.”

“Okay,” he whispered, more to himself than me.

So, where was I? Oh yeah… how would I know when I had found him?

Oh, I do love a story where geeky Edward surprises the hell out of Bella! And just so you know, I gave this story 4 stars on my TBR!

~oOo~

and goin’ from lightness into the dark *gasp!*

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4979836/1/Blood-and-Lust

Edward is having trouble balancing his urges for Bella’s blood and Bella’s body before the wedding. What started out as a simple “Practice Fic” has become a retelling of BD from EPOV that lets us see just how much he struggles for control at every turn.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Angst – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 21 – Words: 133,650 – Reviews: 1,738 – Favs: 1,675 – Follows: 673 – Updated: Mar 31, 2010 – Published: Apr 9, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 4979836

As far as I’m concerned, Bella never did take Edward’s struggles not to kill her seriously!

Bella thinks it’s almost cute when I try and explain my fears to her about losing my control in the heat of the moment. She has complete faith in me that I will never hurt her. While her faith in me is very endearing, I wish I could be as confident as she is. She thinks that I am only worried about harming her with my physical strength, which is usually our only obstacle these days since I have become more accustomed to her scent.

If only that were true.

Little did we know the other struggle Edward was havin’!

Not only did I want her, but I wanted her with a violent urgency that made most rapists seem sane and level headed.

This was Blood and Lust. Oh I wanted her blood… but I wanted another delectable, vital fluid from her as well.

Uh, did it suddenly get hot in here *fannin’ frantically!*

One thing’s for sure! You can count on Awesomesauce76 to have something for everyone…enjoy!

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

19 Comments

Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx