The Robgospel According to RF

*blows kisses*


   ~RF walks out onto the stage dressed in her Sunday best. She steps up to the podium and takes down the microphone. Returning to center stage, she begins to speak to the Robitorium in her best Southern Baptist, Gone ta Meetin’, Sunday Revival accent~


Ladies, nay, Sistahs! Sistahs, just why I have bought you here today is to tell you all somethin’ you may already know. But, I feel the need…I say, I feel the neeeed to share the Robgospel with ya’ll here today! Now you may already know that the word “gospel” means “the truth.” So, what we are talkin’ about ri’ chere is the Rob-truth, or the truth about Rob!


Can I get an A…man?

Dom Stance

Sistahs, as you know, this man has large hands and long fingers. Have Mercy! And with those hands he has reached across the lands, across nations, even unto the ends of the earth, to the young and the old, the rich and the poor, the angel and the h00r! He has touched us all!



My dear friends, who among you can say you have not looked into those multicolored eyes and not been affected by his stare? Has he not looked into that camera and made you feel his kiss?!


And, without the distraction of the rest of Rob’s gorgeous face *coughJawPorn* *coughLipPorn,* we are helplessly trapped…and lovin’ it! AMEN!!!



He has not looked upon you with that come hither stare and made you feel desiiiiired!


Yea, there is no escape from his wickedly sexy gaze…nor do we wish to! Can I get an AMEN!!!



Sistahs, I have come here today to preach to you about the power of this man and to confess to you that I know what you’re goin’ through! I have witnessed the power of his wonky legs!



I have seen those snow white fangs of his and wished that he truly was a vampire and that I, yes I, was his all too willing next victim! Are ya feelin’ me, now?



I too have looked upon those luscious lips and felt the call of seduction, Sistahs! I know! Indeed I know!

Melbie Toast Tumblr


Believe me when I say you are not alone! I have been there when the cameras have captured that sharp jawline and I have felt my knees go weak like my weight was supported on rubber bands!

Melbie Toast Tumblr


And, my Sistahs, have mercy, the man was blessed…I say he was blessed with the voice of an angel! An angel who was sent here to bring us great joy!


The man can make your soul dance!


He can make your heart sing!


He can make your legs weak!


He can bring your libido back from the dead!


Now, I know that not all of you are here in the Robitorium with me. I know that some of you are on the bus or in a carpool on your way to work takin’ the opportunity durin’ your ride to come get yours. I know some of you are already at work sittin’ in your office or in your cubicle sneakin’ the chance to peek at The Pretty when ya should be workin’. Some of you are at home sittin’ on your home computers stoppin’ in here to get your Rob fix for the day before you set about your chores, and some of you are in your beds with the lights out and your laptop or e-reader open and grabbin’ a gape at Mr. Sex on Legs before bed!

Melbie Toast Tumblr

My Sistahs, I also know you have one more thing in common…you’re all sittin’ there, wherever you may be, with your hand over your mouth tryin’ NOT to squee! Hear me now, Sistahs! Take that hand down! Are ya hearin’ me, Sistahs? Take that hand doooown and let it out! For this is the Robgospel and…


The Truth Shall Set You Free!


Much love to you all,




Filed under it's true, Just For Shizz and Giggles, Rob Pattinson

24 responses to “The Robgospel According to RF

  1. Hallelujah, Sista! Amen and Amen! I shall bow down at the altar of Rob forevah!

  2. Amen, Sistahs, Amen! It’s good to be worshiping in the Temple again! Amen and Amen! Today I am praying for the Spirit of Rob to wash me of all doubt and fear so that I may be righteous and humble when I approach the throne of His Hotness! Yea, I will lust for no other because His rod and staff comfort me! I will place no other man before him for he is my shepherd and I will follow him where ever he goes! For every movie that he makes…for every photo shoot he takes…I will be there to worship and adore him because he is the king of all my desires! Let no woman put asunder the beauty and glory that shines from his face lest she be cursed for eternity. There is but one who is both beauty and goodness who stretches to the ends of the earth so that all women may gaze upon and worship him in love and lust and desire for he leaves mere mortal women awestruck with his charm and grace. Yes, sistahs, amen and glory to Rob on the movie set of his next film! I feel his presence in my life! I feel his spirit working in my heart! His word stirs my soul! Amen and amen! Fear not, sistahs, our lord will soon have more goodness to share with us! It won’t be long and he will be with us again. Amen, amen, amen, amen, ……….

    • rita01tx

      Amen, Sistah Lisa! I couldn’t have said it better myself! That man is with me in spirit every second of every day and I wouldn’t have it any other way LMAO!

  3. You preach it girl!! LMAO!

  4. rita01tx

    I’ve been takin’ in every tiny detail of every pic to come out of The Rover and the one thing that stands out is that, no matter what they do to Rob’s poor hair or teeth…no matter how much they dirty him up and beat him up, there’s just no hidin’ the inner beauty of that man! It absolutely shines from his eyes!

  5. rita01tx

    OMFG! Have you seen the newest Rob pic from the set of Queen of the Desert? This guy is apparently one of the producers and has the nicest thing to say about our Pretty!!!

    • How true are his words!!! Rita beat me to post that pic by 3 seconds!! And I was da one dat gave it to her!!! See how she is!!! LOL Imma share mine anyways!! ~Snort~

      image host

      And THIS is her response to me on Chat box!!!

      RitaDarlin: Neener neener neener!

  6. edwardsvamptramp69

    A Sunday’s sermon never sounded sssooooo good! Hallelujah!

    Bless you, RF, for bringing us the Robgospel today. Now I can start my work day with love in my heart and lust in my loins;)

  7. ClaireBamboozle

    Amen, preacher lady. If this was my regular Sunday service I’d be in the front pew, offering to pass the collection plate around.
    Lovely to see you back on top form honey, made my weekend to see this post in my in box.

    • Thanks claireBear! I thought about passin around the collection plate only instead of collectin We’d be passig out Shamwows so ya all could clean off the pews! ~gigglesnort!~

  8. christa64c

    Hallelujah! There’s nothing like getting back to your religion! That man has made me call out the good lord’s name more than a few times. His beauty is disarming to the point that for a moment, you wonder if you’re not looking at the face of an angel. However, when he turns those sultry bedroom eyes your way, you wonder if he’s not more devil than angel.

  9. What a totally fun post, RF! You were born to preach, sweetie, and I am the “lights out, laptop on my lap, snuggled in bed for one last glimpse” kinda sistah! You know us all sooooo well, it’s like you’re psychic or somethin’!

    • Thanks Robbie Elise! What can I say, Rob brings it out in me! LOL I know cuz I have been there Sistah! And FYI I’m a lying in bed, lights out trying not to squee and wake the whole house up kind myself! 😀

  10. eewee333

    I think I hear the Hallelujah Chorus playing in the background. I will give you 1000 AMENS RF for this wonderful post of The Pretty. I’ve been sick and what wonderful “medicine” to make me feel better. 🙂

    • Awww Hope you fell better eewwee Darlin’ I do know the feeling. Rob has that healing power for sure. He may not cure you but one look at that face, One smile or Man giggle and their ain’t a female heart (or vajayjay) That doesn t squeee with delight!

  11. Hey girls! I just got a notice from WordPress that they couldn’t find my comments on this post. I can see them all and I replied to everyone who commented. What I don’t know is if you all can see them. so if you didn’t get or cannot see that i commented back to you let me know and I will repost my comments. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I just didn’t want any of you thinking your comments went unanswered or ignored. HUGS to all!! RF

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