Random Rita ~ When Edward Falls Asleep on the Job!



Wet Rob Avi

Good afternoon, ladies!

I’ll bet you’ve all been so busy lickin’ ‘n savin’ RobPorn you didn’t even miss me LMAO!

Well, you weren’t the only ones gettin’ hand cramps from all the mouse clickin *gigglesnort!*

I mean, seriously, who wouldn’t get completely lost in such epicness as…THIS!

Rob Attack

Do NOT get me started or we’ll never get to the fic rec LMAO!

Today, it’s my great pleasure to introduce you to Dead Man Walking by TrueEnglishRose! Normally, drabbles aren’t exactly up my alley but, in this case, I’ll make an exception, especially as it is fuckin’ hilarious AND it updates multiple times daily!

Rob Attack


She’s alive, he’s . . . well he’s not so much. Edward and Bella have one hell of a twisted relationship, right from the very beginning. A story of strange relationships that’s written purely for laughs.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 88 – Words: 15,627 – Reviews: 1,232 – Favs: 112 – Follows: 178 – Updated: 5h ago – Published: May 21 – id: 10366414

Following in her grandfather’s footsteps as the Medical Examiner for the City of Port Angeles, Bella prepares to do an autopsy on the most beautiful man she’s ever seen, dead or alive!

“Right to left, diagonally from collarbone to sternum,” I whispered and let the scalpel glide into the skin.

It was tougher than I was expecting, but he had been sat on the table for a while now and rigor mortis was setting in.

A small amount of blood seeped out from the cut and I still felt bad that I had marred his flawless skin.

“That really fucking hurts, you know,” a voice whispered huskily.

All I remember after that was that I let out a blood curdling scream before everything went black.

The fun really begins when she wakes from her faintin’ spell only to find she’s not where she expected to be!

I had no idea what to expect when I first woke up, but it certainly wasn’t having the dead man, who apparently was no longer dead, lying next to me.

And get this, he fainted, too!

Yeah, I found it hard to be scared when pretty boy fainted alongside me.

If that’s not enough to make you curious enough to give this story a shot, I don’t know what will LMAO!

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider



Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

25 responses to “Random Rita ~ When Edward Falls Asleep on the Job!

  1. bevey99

    Adding it now, lovely Rita. I’m assuming I’m the last one to finish The Consequences of Miracles -Brilliant writing for horrible subject material. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10348853/1/The-Consequence-of-Miracles

    • rita01tx

      Hey, Bev darlin’! Well, at least you’ve started it…I haven’t read Consequences of Miracles at all! My inbox runneth over with fic updates, RobPorn and chapters of A Rendezvous With Death and Ride and Prejudice to be edited…there simply are not enough hours in the day LOL!

      • bevey99

        I had pushed it aside myself, but OMG I started it and read till 2am this morning. Unbelievable.

        • rita01tx

          There seems to be some mystery surroundin’ the author. I mean, how in the hell can a first time author garner so much attention so quickly!? Who are they, really? Theories are runnin’ wild from a well known author exercisin’ their prowess on FanFiction Net to “OMG! It’s Rob!” {yeah right *snort!*}. Whoever it is, I can hardly blame them…it’s a rush gettin’ such direct feedback on your work!

    • Bevey, I have a formidable TBR list, and generally I check out any recs I find interesting and add them to the end of my ever-growing list. I fully expected to do the same today. I saw your comment and clicked on the link. I have spent the better part of my day “checking out” TCoM, on my small iPhone screen no less. I was in the middle of a good fic already, but I was immediately intrigued and then drawn in. Thank you for the Rec, inadvertent as it may have been. I can’t put it down.

  2. Rita, I love waking up to RA posts every Friday, thank you!

    • rita01tx

      Thanks, Kay darlin’! Always nice to hear *blush!* Which fic were you readin’ when TCoM sidetracked you?

      • Well this has been a week of anomalies for me. I have way too many promising fics on my TBR list to re-read my faves. I had just finished Bonne Foi , and was going through my list looking for something fluffy. It wasn’t my intention, but I somehow get caught up re-reading Defrosting Edward. What a fun read! Hot lemony goodness, but so tastefully written.

        • rita01tx

          Oh, I LOVED Bonne Foi and anything by Aleeab4u is always worth droppin’ everything else to read! Havin’ said that, I’m still waitin’ for part 3 of the Epilogue to post, along with that Complete status, before I read Defrosting Edward.

  3. Happy Friday, Rita and thanks SO much for recc’ing DMW! It has been such a brilliant story to write and I have loved the reactions from readers. You’re the reason why I write! ❤ ❤ ❤

  4. rita01tx

    And we damn well appreciate you and all our other favorite authors providin’ us with hours, days, weeks, months and years of free readin’ pleasure, Tammy darlin’!

    It’s an honor to pimp such a fun fic *giggles!* I never would have found you if it hadn’t been for one of my besties, ClaireBamboozle! She rec’d a story by 2amlovesick, called…

    Heirs and Heirlooms
    Family and this land is all Bella has ever known or needed. From family: she has love, security and knew her destiny. From the land: she knew it would sustain her so she studied, nurtured and worked it. Fate steps in, taking her parents and is now trying to take her land. How does she survive? AH Canon pairings. Death not canon or graphic. M for later. The Great Depression Era. HEA
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Family/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 30 – Words: 166,602 – Reviews: 304 – Favs: 144 – Follows: 111 – Updated: Mar 16, 2013 – Published: Nov 11, 2012 – Status: Complete – id: 8691287

    What has that got to do with the price of tea in China, you may well ask?

    Well, I wasn’t quite ready to read Heirs and Heirlooms and, while pokin’ around on her profile page, accidently clicked her “Favorites” tab! Lo and behold, your summary for Dead Man Walking grabbed my attention and, when I sampled the first few chapters, I found I couldn’t put it down!

    Swear to God, it was like both fists were stuck in dat dere Tar Baby LMAO!

    Anyway, that’s how I found you *heheheh!*

  5. ClaireBamboozle

    Hi Rita Sweets, lovely to have you posting a little randomness today. We suffered a drought for a while, but the deluge of Rob porn from Cannes has been sooo worth the wait.
    I know you’ve got me on fic reading break while I’m writing, but I’ve hit follow for Dead Man Walking, it sounds like a lot of fun.
    Hope everyone has a great weekend.
    hugs xxx

    • rita01tx

      It is very good to see Rob in action promotin’ The Rover! I just saw somewhere it’ll be showin’ here in The Netherlands on June 12th!!!
      Woo hoo! I can’t wait *squeee!*

      • ClaireBamboozle

        No fair! We’re not getting it until the 15th of August!!! That’s two whole freakin’ months.
        Any chance I can come over next month and kip on your sofa and we can see it together?? I’ll buy the popcorn and soda???

        • rita01tx

          Well, I could always string up the hammock LMAO! Probably more comfortable than the couch anyway *hehehehe!*

  6. Hey, there, Rita. “Dead Man Walking” sounds like a hoot, even though I usually pass on drabbles too. I’ll check it out. Although I have a question: how have I never seen that exact photo that you used to make the banner??
    I had not heard of “The Consequences of Miracles” – onto the TBR list it goes.

    Have y’all been reading “Stupid Volvo Owner”? It’s a collaboration between Kyla713 and ericastwilight. I have erica on author alert, so that’s how I found out about it. I originally started it because it’s so funny. It begins with that iconic parking lot scene where Edward blocks Bella from leaving until Tyler can ask her to the dance – she gets so frustrated she rear ends the Volvo! I loved the humor, but I have to say as it develops it has turned into a refreshing, thoughtful, touching look at canon. Have to warn you fic hoors that it’s rated T, but you know what, I don’t even notice. Well, not so far. 28 chapters already posted…

    I too am loving all the promotional material for The Rover. And the rave reviews for Rob’s performance, too! I think I’m going to hate seeing him play someone so vulnerable, though. The latest stills make me want to take him home and give him a bath and feed him a good meal. Yeah, especially that bath part!
    See you next week! Renée

    • rita01tx

      Hi, Renee darlin’! {{HUGS!}} That shot was a behind the scenes from Rob’s Dior Homme commercial! I was tryin’ to find one that would be like Edward in a sheet from the autopsy table where he woke up to Bella slicin’ up his chest…it was the closest one I could find LOL!
      I have Stupid Volvo Owner on alert but haven’t gotten to it yet *sigh!* So many fics, so litte time, even for a retired person!
      It would be wonderful if there was more worldwide promotion of The Rover…just found out it’s only playin’ at TWO theatres in the whole of Holland! One in Amsterdam and one in The Hague!
      Needless to say, I’m on my way to Amsterday this comin’ Sunday *Fist pump!*

  7. Rita, hun, thanks for all your recs!! I don’t have time for more. My baby is 9 months and very very cute and I started to work on April. I don’t have a lot of time, even for Robporn.
    Kisses and Hugs!!!!

    • rita01tx

      Smoochies & JumpyHugs!!! Exaltada darlin’! Just a quick “sign of life” from you every now and then will tide me over until you can get back into the game LOL! Have fun with baby Blanca and love from her Auntie Rita MWAH!!!

  8. Excellent story !

    Kidnap-101 is one other funny story by same writer 🙂

    • rita01tx

      Oh, Zveka darlin’! Haven’t read that one, yet! I’d love a chance to really dive into all her stories ’cause she has written a lot of them!
      It always helps to have someone like you rec a particular one for us!
      Bella Swan has just one mission; to save her childhood best friend from the clutches of Hollywood. She’s got her work cut out for her, but she’ll do it, even if she has to do things that she really doesn’t want to. Written purely for laughs.
      Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 64 – Words: 11,736 – Reviews: 1,187 – Favs: 348 – Follows: 323 – Updated: May 4, 2013 – Published: Apr 26, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9237642
      Sounds well worth checkin’ out…thanks!

      • LOL! I was on serious painkillers when I wrote Kidnap 101. I loved writing that story so much! ❤

        • rita01tx

          Ah ha! Now I REALLY wanna read it LMAO! You know, they say Edgar Allen Poe wrote most, if not all, of his stories while under the influence of opium, so you’d be in good company *gigglesnort!*

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