Random Rita ~ When Edward Hatches a Nefarious Plan!

Wet Rob Avi

Good afternoon, ladies!

If there’s anything in a fic that’s guaranteed to grab my attention, it’s a BAD BOY!

You know the kind I mean…all the girls WANT him, all the boys want to BE him, and he knows it LMAO!

Rob Attack


Bella has hated Edward for years, but thanks to a recent head injury, she doesn’t seem to remember who he is let alone her feelings of intense hatred. Meanwhile, Edward decides to have some fun with his favorite adversary when the opportunity arises. What’s a girl who can’t remember supposed to do when her sworn enemy claims they’ve secretly been friends with benefits for months?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 6 – Words: 13,059 – Reviews: 437 – Favs: 406 – Follows: 911 – Updated: Jul 10 – Published: Jun 8 – id: 10428183

The summary pretty much gives the whole plot away but that’s OK…the devil is in the details LOL!

“You really don’t know who I am?” It sounded like he was talking more to himself than to me so I didn’t answer. He was staring off intently, lips parted.

“You’re not my boyfriend are you?”Nice, Swan! The words tumbled out before I could stop them. My eyes widened as his gaze fell upon me again, but I couldn’t seem to stop. “Rosalie never said anything about a boyfriend… and I’m sure she would have…” This time I was the one laughed uneasily. “I mean something like that is a pretty big detail to leave out…but you called me Bellarina and that sounds like a term of endearment sooo…unless of course we broke up. Are we exes? No that can’t be it… you’d probably avoid me if that were true…”

“Well at least now I know you’re not faking. You always were a shit actress.” I couldn’t be offended. I was. He must know me fairly well. “You’re uh… right though,” he finally said. “We’re not dating, but we’re also not exes.”

“Oh. Okay… friends then?” I tried.

He opened his mouth only to close it a few times in hesitation. He visibly relaxed as a slow grin crept its way onto his face. His perfect smile almost swept away my train of thought completely, but I somehow managed to remain focused on the current goal: Figuring out who this gorgeous guy was.

When he looked at me again, his eyes held something I couldn’t quite understand. He took a single step forward and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, instantly invading all of my senses with that single touch and his close proximity. And trust me when I tell you, he was close. Whatever body-wash he used was threatening my focus almost as much as his smile had.

He leaned into my ear and spoke quietly.

“We’re a little more than friends.”

Uh oh! I can see the wheels turnin’ in Edward’s gorgeous head…that boy is definitely up to no good!

Give it a shot and leave her some love…it’s CH’s first and only fic, so far.


And just because youz all my homies, I went’n found another Bad Boy Edward to round out today’s post and it’s COMPLETE!

Rob Attack


Bella Swan would like to think she truly hates Edward Cullen. Of course, that’s what makes sex with him so damn fun. E/B, All Human, AU. Rated a hard M for Lemons. Complete.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 16 – Words: 53,981 – Reviews: 1,497 – Favs: 2,087 – Follows: 897 – Updated: Jan 26, 2010 – Published: Oct 16, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 5445513

These are the fateful words that got me hooked:

I hate Edward Cullen. I absolutely loathe and despise him.

I hate the way he talks. He’s pretentious. He talks down to people, and makes them feel like they’re somehow unworthy of being in his presence.

I hate the way he walks. He has a swagger that makes the girls swoon, but not me.

To me he just looks like he’s seen a few too many bad music videos, and is attempting to walk like a pimped up celebrity… and failing.

I hate the way he smells. His scent lingers, and all it does is remind you that he was just there, invading your space with his massive ego. He smells like sex and bar soap, a combination that he knows makes it look like he doesn’t try too hard. He’s just ‘got it’. Please.

I hate his completely untouchable confidence, and the fact that even though he knows I loathe him with such intensity, he’s completely unfazed. It doesn’t make one ounce of difference to him what people think of him. I really hate that.

So if you were to ask me- seeing as I hate Edward Cullen with such vigour-why I spent earlier tonight scaling the tree outside his bedroom with every intention of fucking him until he was begging for release, well… I suppose I’d just have to tell you the truth.

I fucking hate Edward Cullen, and that’s what makes fucking him so damn good.

What makes it even better, is that he really hates me too.

You can all thank me after you’ve read it ROTFLMAO!

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider



Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

28 responses to “Random Rita ~ When Edward Hatches a Nefarious Plan!

  1. ClaireBamboozle

    Wow, you’ve done it again…managed to find two fics I’ve never read but am now desperate to.
    Probably doesn’t help that I’ve finally finished writing an awkward as hell lemon, but I feel like I should reward myself with some hot sexiness from someone else’s pen.
    Hope you have a great weekend honey.
    Hugs xx

    • rita01tx

      I think you deserve a reward, too, ClaireBear! You have a lot of good stories saved up for this moment, so choose wisely LMAO!

      • ClaireBamboozle

        Really!!!! Really, really, really?? I have Beta’s permission to read a fic! yay.
        *Runs off to consult e reader*

        • bevey99

          NOOOOOO CB. Rita that’s just wrong she’s suppose to be writin’ not readin’.
          -rec- https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4561940/1/Scotch-Gin-and-the-New-Girl
          — Senior moment if I’ve already rec’d this. This is a very bad boy -Chuck Bass and Ryan Phillipe from Cruel Intentions. I’m almost finished reading it. Its from 2008 but really f’n good.

          • rita01tx

            {Yeah, you rec’d it last week *gigglesnort!*}
            Bev honey, our ClaireBear just cranked out chapter 35, chapter 18 gets posted next Tuesday, and I’m still only up to chapter 20 for editin’!
            You know the ol’ sayin’…all work and no play, right? We can’t have a dull CB on our hands or she’ll NEVER finish R&P! *Gasp!* Heaven forbid!

            • bevey99

              OK Ok, but I Really doubt ClairBear could ever be dull or boring.
              See, i thought I rec’d it last week- damn I hate getting old, seriously suck big hairy……..

  2. eewee333

    Hi Rita! Thanks for the recs. I have read the second one a long time ago. It was great. I think there was an outtake too that was pretty good. I’m following the other one awaiting completion (yea, you know me and my aversion to WIP’s), well, except for Claire Bears because I know she will finish. Hope you all have a lovely weekend! 🙂

  3. So, I finished reading 107yearoldvirgin’s Progress: The Original Sleep Humper Love Story. Rita I was laughing so hard my side hurt. The water spray bottle and the airhorn,OMG! It was a struggle to read this one, since I was reading in the wee hours, TRYING to not wake dear hubby. The silent laughter only made it worse since it made the bed shake harder. Thanks for the laughs. With the week I had, it was just what I needed. Now I’m reading her other story that Naughty sent, 8 Days a Week. Just started it.

    • rita01tx

      Oh, I’m so glad you enjoyed it, hon! Virgie is a star at comedy and feel good stories! Can’t wait to hear what you make of Eight Days a Week…you’ve gonna fall in love with Dee just like we all did!

      • I read her Bad News Bella and it”s excellent too. Hmm need to read the others two 🙂

        • rita01tx

          Oh, I just finished Bad News Bella the other day, too, Zveka darlin’! So damn funny! Loved how just havin’ Edward in the same room had her sayin’ naughty words live in front of the camera LMAO!!

  4. nancym5621

    Hi Rita, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all the wonderful stories you have red’d for us over the years. Not only the stories but the talented authors I have discovered thanks to your site.

    I have a fantastic story to rec to you as well. You may have already rec’d it and I didn’t see it for some reason so forgive me if that is the case. While I don’t usually like to start a new Fic until it is complete, the theme of this one was more than I could resist and I am glad that I succumbed. 😉

    It is called Angelus Ardens – Burning Angel, by Cullenboyz

    I am not good at summarizing so I am just going to use hers:

    “A historical Twilight Vamp Fic, set (briefly) in Ancient Rome, (largely) 19th century Forks, Washington, and also various places and times in between. But mostly this is a story about Edward, because in any time or place, we love him.”

    And believe me when I say that you will LOVE him. Bella as well. There are 16 chapters so far and since it was published June 3rd and just updated on July 13th I think (hope) that she updates regularly. I only found it this morning and couldn’t stop reading until the last chapter published.

    Hugs to you and all the authors who give of their extraordinary talent to us for free! It always amazes me the talent we have here on FF.

    Take care and happy reading, Nancy – AKA Thunnababy XXOO Sent from my iPad


    • rita01tx

      Hell’n you got me all misty-eyed, Nancy darlin’! It surely does warm my heart to hear that what I do is appreciated even when there aren’t all that many comments!
      I’ve been waitin’ for Angelus Ardens to complete before tacklin’ it but your rec just moved it to the top of my list LOL!
      For those who’d like to give it a whirl now, here’s the link!
      Born as a Roman slave, Eduardus serves a depraved mistress and learns that he is nothing. Stolen into a world of violence, Eduardus slakes his thirst without remorse, and learns that he is a monster. Fleeing to a world of asceticism, Edward finds relief in oblivion and learns that life is pain. But in rescuing his Singer, Edward learns that he must live.
      Rated: Fiction M – English – Hurt/Comfort/Romance – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 16 – Words: 35,537 – Reviews: 362 – Favs: 128 – Follows: 249 – Updated: Jul 13 – Published: Jun 3 – id: 10404430

      Hmmm, you just gave me a focus point for one of my upcomin’ Fridays…RomeRob!!!

      • nancym5621

        RomeRob? I’m in! LOL. If you could find a GladiatorRob I’d be over the moon. 🙂
        BTW Rita dear, the author of the above story just let me know that she updates weekly, which is good to know.
        Nancy xxoo

        • rita01tx

          Hi Nancy darlin’! Just taggin’ a few fics from my TBR that might qualify for a RomeRob…well, RomeWard LOL and I’m pretty sure there were one or two GladiatorWards!
          We shall see *wicked evil grin!*

          • nancym5621

            Ah Rita my dear, you post them and I will come…well, read… Um you know what I mean. 😉 (Just the thought of GladiatorWard just scrambled my brain a bit). Sweet dreams!

  5. Dang it, Rita, I don’t know how you do it week after week, finding stories I don’t know about and making me absolutely sure I need to read them. And this week – do you know how hard it is to convince me to read AH stories?? But between your comments and the excerpts you gave us, I’m hooked! I cannot resist snappy writing with fun dialog. And oh, that evil boy!!
    Thanks, Nancy, for your rec of Angelus Ardens – wow does that sound terrific!
    And Rome Rob? My brain is suddenly all fogged up. I’m thinking Camilla10 could provide several of these all by herself.
    Speaking of Gladiator Rob (hey, I didn’t start this), is anyone watching “Atlantis” on BBC America? Tons of fun with a nice combination of eye candy, Greek mythology, and good interaction among the main characters.
    Of course, who’s got time to watch TV with all these fics to read?
    And just in case anyone is living under a rock – Masen Manor will complete on Thursday. If you haven’t read it, DO IT NOW!
    Thanks for another xlnt post, BB,

  6. rita01tx

    Renee darlin’! I prefer vamp fics myself but a really good AH is nothing to sneeze at LMAO! I mean, come on! You never read MotU???
    I tried to watch Atlantis when it was on BBC UK but could NOT get into it…nor could I follow Spartacus for very long even though that dude in the very first season was so freakin’ OMG hot!!!
    As for TV, nothin’ grabs me right now except for the final season of True Blood and we finally get Sleepy Hollow startin’ tomorrow night. RobsFan~tasy tells me it’s a good one…can’t wait to find out!!
    And Masen Manor…what can I say!?!?! Of course, all fics have to end but we don’t have to like it, right? Such a good story! Gonna miss it!

  7. Oh, Rita, of COURSE I’ve read MoTU (although she rudely pulled it when I was halfway through MoTU II – fortunately through my favorite dealer 🙂 I got a complete copy). Looking forward to the movie – I saw Jamie Dornan on a fairly recent Graham Norton show, and I feel like Gollum drooling over his Precious…
    I’ve read Wide Awake and EP and many other AH classics, most recently The Agreement. But once I discovered AUs like The List and My Yes, My No and I Don’t Believe in Vampires and Stranger than Fiction, where talented authors re-envisioned canon and (IMO) vastly improved on it – it was all over! They even helped me get over the trauma that was BD!
    Oh, I’m glad you mentioned that Sleepy Hollow is starting up again – yumm! I’ve been lukewarm about True Blood since the first few seasons, but I do have the latest season waiting patiently on my DVR. And the event of the year – I am manically awaiting the Starz series of Outlander (Aug. 9 in the US). Jamie Fraser comes in a close second to Edward Cullen in my book!

    • rita01tx

      Oh, Renee darlin’! I definitely burned out on a couple seasons of True Blood but, since this is the last one, I thought I’d give it a shot. So far, so good.
      Not sure how, or even if, I’ll get to see Outlander, damnit!
      Haven’t read the books but the trailers are intriguin’ LOL!
      Who wrote I Don’t Believe in Vampires? Who wrote My Yes, My No {that one sounds familiar} I don’t have them on my TBR!?!

      • I Don’t Believe in Vampires is by LazyKate:

        It’s all excellent, but that first chapter will knock you DED!

        My Yes, My No is a New Moon variation, where when Edward asks if she can forgive him, the author has chapters that explore what happens if Bella says yes, vs. if she says no. It’s by LolaShoes, so it’s among the best EVER. Lola pulled her stories a long time ago, but she sent PDFs to people who requested them. I can’t believe I have one you don’t have!! I’ll get it to you later today.

        Hah! I’m so proud I added to Rita’s TBR list for a change!

  8. eewee333

    Hi Rita. My Yes, My No was by lolashoes (the great and awesome). If you find out about I Don’t Believe in Vampires, please post it. I could find it in my stash either. 🙂

    • rita01tx

      Did a quick search and found LazyKate’s “I Don’t Believe in Vampires!” With over 2200 reviews, it looks like this must be it, but I’ll ask Renee to confirm:
      “It was always you…” During a chance return to Forks, Bella Swan runs into her high school crush, only to discover that things were never as they appeared. What has Edward been waiting for all this time? A very-canon twist on Twilight, AU, ExB.
      Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 27 – Words: 215,322 – Reviews: 2,227 – Favs: 2,331 – Follows: 1,206 – Updated: Sep 20, 2010 – Published: Oct 24, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 5462691

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