Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

After readin’ so much angst lately, no matter how wonderful the HEA…if we’re lucky enough to get one, my need for nerd started workin’ its way into the driver’s seat LOL!

Hell, in a pinch, even a geek will do! What’s the difference you may well ask? It can be confusin’, especially since there’s some crossover between the two, makin’ possible geeky nerds…or nerdy geeks! Just remember these two definitions from the Urban Dictionary

  • Nerd: The person you will one day call “boss”
  • Geek: The people you picked on in high school and wind up working for as an adult.

That bein’ the case, a quick “geek” search of my TBR brought these two jewels to my attention and, having’ read both back-to-back already,  I’m proud to rec them for you today!

First up…

Rob Attack


Complete – The adventures of dear, sweet, geeky Teddy and his adoring Buttercup.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 32 – Words: 112,038 – Reviews: 1,303 – Favs: 909 – Follows: 525 – Updated: Jul 10, 2012 – Published: Jan 11, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 6643149 x

I swear, every time the nickname Teddy is used in a fic, Edward turns out to be the sweetest man any woman could possibly want! Of course, Bella makes her claim on him pretty much instantly when she brings her laptop to his and Emmett’s computer repair shop LOL!


I had no idea what was going on, but right this moment Bella Swan was practically in my lap, and her arms were wrapped around me, and she was really kissing me.

Who was I to question this miracle?

She pulled back and gave me a look full of surprise and confusion.

She mumbled something like, “Stupid eyes…swoon…no willpower…”

She gasped and gripped my hair tight in her hands and put her tongue in my mouth. Holy cow! I’m French kissing Bella Swan! And boy, was she good at it! I ran my arms around her back and held her tightly. It was amazing to me how her body molded itself to mine perfectly.

God, this was totally the best day ever.

After that, it’s no surprise to learn Bella’s just as twitterpated LOL!


Oh, my God. He was such a dork, but so freakin’ sweet, and God, he was so good looking! Didn’t my Teddy realize how hot he was? That shy nerdiness was adorable. It made me almost crazy with desire to kiss him.

I bet my Teddy was a virgin. Oh, the fun I would have teaching that hot dork how to please me in bed. I technically was a virgin, but I had sure done everything else. Me and Teddy could be each other’s first!

Well, he is and they are but there’s so much more to Teddy than hot nerdlisciousness but you’ll have to read Mysterious Ways to learn more!

Have you fallen in love with any other Teddies???

Rob Attack


High school Edward likes a girl named Bella, But he’s not a smooth-talking kind of fella. He has his fair share of inserting foot into mouth, And inappropriate risings down south. But he’s really kind of sweet, Even if he’s sort of a geek.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 23 – Words: 63,184 – Reviews: 3,515 – Favs: 1,467 – Follows: 1,358 – Updated: Dec 1, 2014 – Published: Aug 3, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9557633 

Fifteen-year-old Edward Cullen is cursed with the most dysfunctional family ever! From a doctor father uses PROPS in his detailed lecture on anal sex after his older brother, Jasper, convinces their parents he’s gay to a seven-year-old brother, Jake, who blackmails Edward, Jasper and their sister, Rosalie, to keep quiet about their love interests comin’over while the ‘rents are out for the evenin’ LOL!

Yes, life is hard for poor Edward with such epic fails as:

Mastur-Gate 2013

Edward ‘The Tampon’ Cullen

The Bubble Gum Bust


Massive Cock Boy and Hairless Wonder Freeze Frame

Dirty Talk Debacle

Texting and Sexting Trouble

The Journal Jeering

Fornication Fail, followed by Carlisle and his Colored Coded Cocks

Hole to my Donut’ Disaster

Fornication Fail Part Deux – Drunk and Disorderly

And the cherry on top:

The Humiliating Hyundai Hump

There are a few bright spots, however! Edward’s revenge on Jasper lands him in front of Carlise to suffer through the same anal sex lecture as Edward, which leads to a…


Jazz squeezed my hand harder than necessary, but I didn’t care because that handshake was proof I’d won.

We went back to watching the game – me with a huge grin plastered on my face.

There was just one question I was dying to ask – something that had weighed on my mind for some time.

“Can I ask you a question, Jasper?”

“Yeah, what?” He kept his eyes on the screen.

“What’s pegging?”

Jasper shrugged. “Fuck if I know. And I don’t want to. Let’s promise to never, ever Google it and find out!”

“Deal. Just one more thing – the butter part. Why can’t you use it as a lubricant? Will it make the girl fat? Like somehow get absorbed into her system or something? I don’t get it.”

“Oh my God. Are you for real?” Jasper’s hand hit his forehead. “Wait ’til the guys hear this one.”

“But…but we called a truce!” I whined.

“That was before you were a clueless idiot.”

I should have known it would be short-lived. Oh well, the satisfaction of having him experience the anal object insertion demo was totally worth it.

Oh my God, indeed! If, in the future, anyone asks you to name the funniest fic you’ve ever read, Awkwardly Yours will be at the top of the list!

So, there you have it! What fics have moved you to tears of laughter…or tears in general?

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider



Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

25 responses to “Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

  1. Yay, I just love when you post Rita. Today’s been such a tremendously stressful day and your recs this week seem a perfect way to unwind. I actually thought I had AY already, but I don’t. It looks like raucous laughter is in my near future. And Mysterious Ways looks great too. Who can resist a handsome AND mysterious GeekWard? Or is it NerdWard? GeekyNerdWard, no NerdyGeekWard. Ugh never mind. They’re all pretty great.

    • rita01tx

      Awww, well I’m glad to help you with that, Kay darlin’! I loved Mysterious Ways for the instant and constant chemistry between Teddy and Buttercup while Awkwardly Yours had me in stitches from the first chapter to the last! Hell’n I can’t remember the last time I laughed out loud so hard at a fic LMAO!
      Either one will cure what ails you!

      • Okay, ok, ok… I just finished Harkham’s Case and I FREAKING LOVED IT!!! What a story, wow. What an incredible Edward Scarlett crafted. Hand such an honest and pure heart, a loving and compassionate soul and a wise, if imperfect mind. The only gripe (not a gripe really, more like an observation), is that I think Carlisle should’ve been more invested in what happened to Alice when things took that left turn. I came to love and respect Carlisle as a flawed, but loving, loyal and doting father. Emmett was the bomb brother, cool as hell. Bella, phew, that girl had a looooot of ish going on, talk about some serious baggage. Blew. My. Mind! As a parent I think I would’ve been leery of her too. Just sayin. She had a beautiful, nurturing soul hidden in there, always though. Her first instinct was to be kind and caring. Her defense mechanism was what made her resort to that other more aggressive side of her. Edward and Bella were both resilient and indomitable. I just loved them together and loved this story. My heart nearly broke during that one part in the Mediterranean restaurant, oh gah! Thanks BB!

  2. dpennell007

    I’m definitely adding Mysterious Ways to my TBR list. I just read the first chapter, and can already tell that I’m going to like it.

    The geek that I loved was the Edward in the pulled fic Renfield and Chiclets by Katinki. Summary: Edward Cullen, PhD: brilliant, nerdy, mildly attractive, and obsessed with Blood and Vampires. Oh, and pervertedly horny. Join him as he searches for Ms. Right.

    • rita01tx

      OMG! What a horndog he was LMAO! Definitely one of my favorite geek fics, too, Donna darlin’! Dunno know why she pulled it…don’t think it got published but I could be wrong.

  3. bevey99

    Both were great stories. Read them a few months ago. I’ve been working on reading a really looong fic. My Life as a Trophy Wife by JennaRay – Still a WIP, and really good. It was started in 2010!
    Bella signs a contract with Edward to enter into a marriage based on financial gain. She’s looking to take the easy road and instead finds a nearly impossible one she must travel on the path to finding herself, along with everything she never knew she wanted. This is the struggle of a broken little girl growing into the woman she’s destined to be.
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Mystery/Angst – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 35 – Words: 357,273 – Reviews: 9,334 – Favs: 5,868 – Follows: 7,837 – Updated: Apr 19 – Published: Aug 22, 2010 – id: 6263351

  4. Thanks Rita, I think I read Awkwardly-Yours need to check this one and I will add Mysterious-Ways to my TBR list 🙂
    I was the real reading machine last two weeks … I read all this stuff

    Forgettable by Belinda (pulled story)

    those two are published story
    Edward Wallbanger by Feathersmmm
    Snowbound by Edward’s Eternal

    I read this one too… this one goes is a little like My Life as a Trophy Wife (I wait for this one to be complete) because it’s arranged marriage..

    Bella Swan thought she’d escaped the life of the high society, but her family forced her to marry Edward Cullen, heir to the most prestigious family in North America. But Bella won’t give up. She’ll fight for her happiness and maybe she’ll find love in the end.
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 38 – Words: 207,234 – Reviews: 1,813 – Favs: 1,519 – Follows: 1,647 – Updated: Sep 27, 2014 – Published: Aug 11, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9585031

    I hesitated because Edward is jerk in the begging but Bella is Kickass Bella!!!

    and I read
    Before starting her freshman year of college, Bella decided to backpack through Europe for two months. On her travels, she meets priveledged black sheep Edward Cullen, who takes an instant liking to her & wants to join her on her trip and much more. lemon
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 47 – Words: 178,170 – Reviews: 2,793 – Favs: 3,266 – Follows: 877 – Updated: Jul 26, 2009 – Published: Apr 13, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 4990854

    just started to read American Boy the sequel to American Girl

    and I need to check if I have the story by Katinki that dpennell007 mentioned

    • rita01tx

      Oh, I do love your lists, Zveka darlin’ ! Would you mind sending me Forgettable by Belinda? That’s the only one I don’t have on my TBR and if you rec it, I want it LOL!
      And, hey! I hadn’t even noticed Snowbound had been pulled to publish *scratches head!*
      Let me know if you need Renfield and Chicklets and I’ll hook you up!

  5. edwardsvamptramp69

    ‘My need for nerd’………..Bwahahaha! Never thought of it like that, Rita, but that is sssooo perfect! I like it. A LOT!;)

    And thanks to you and Claire, I thoroughly enjoyed AY. I think I laughed more and more with each chapter. So thank you for for sending me the PDF for that.

    Great post as always, BB, and yes, my catch phrase is not my “need for speed”, but ‘My NEED FOR NERD”! I think I’ll put that on a t-shirt!

    • rita01tx

      Brilliant idea, Paula darlin’! I’d certainly buy one LOL!
      Wait! What? Did we send you AY {Awkwardly Yours} when it’s still up on FFN? That don’t sound right! Far as I can tell, the last pdf we sent was Help Wanted by Jaxon22, since she pulled ALL her fics to publish A Pound of Flesh! I certainly don’t remember that one bein’ more and more hilarious with each chapter…that’s DEFINITELY Akwardly Yours, though LMAO!

      • edwardsvamptramp69

        Oops! Sorry, Rita………my bad! It was “High Anxiety” that you sent me that I was laughing over. But I did also read “Awkwardly Yours” and loved that as well.:)

  6. ClaireBamboozle

    Hi Rita, sorry I’m late to the party…again…honestly, I’m meeting myself coming back lately.
    More lovely fic goodies, I don’t know how you keep doin’ it hun, just glad you do. 😀
    Have a great weekend.
    Hugs xx

    • rita01tx

      You, too, ClaireBear! You’re gonna have sooo many good fics to read once you put Ride and Prejudice to bed we won’t see hide nor hair of you for months LOL!

  7. Loved, loved, loved Awkwardly Yours! Finding time to read has been really tough lately but I plan to rectify that problem this weekend. Thanks for giving me some great ideas where to start my fic feast!

    • rita01tx

      Glad to hear it, Christa darlin’! Was there ever such a put upon teenaged Edward ROTFLMAO!?!?! You’ll love Teddy in Mysteriously Yours, too!
      Oh! I have another Teddy for you, while I’m at it…
      The Mirrors by Adorablecullens
      Teddy’s secret and magical childhood is lost when a family heirloom is destroyed, changing his life forever. Now an adult, can Edward open himself back up to magic and love when he meets a beautiful – and hauntingly familiar – woman in real life?
      Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Fantasy – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 23 – Words: 93,498 – Reviews: 4,066 – Favs: 3,860 – Follows: 1,237 – Updated: Jul 24, 2009 – Published: Apr 5, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 4971734
      It’s a more angsty story but this Teddy is no less an Edward we’d all love to comfort…in one way or another LOL!

  8. rita01tx

    The only other Teddy I could find on my TBR {that wasn’t Edward’s son} was DeeDreamer’s “The Effect of Fondness,” which has been pulled *sigh!*
    Summary: Best friends Bella and Edward “Teddy” develop strange feelings. Is there more between them than friendship? Alice thinks so, but Bella’s not so sure. After a shopping trip for a new bed for Edward, Bella begins to change her mind.

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