Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

While I don’t often stamp a guarantee on my recs, I’m gonna break that rule and guaranDAMNtee you you’re gonna love these stories as much as I do!

Zveka68 had such high praise for my first rec I just had to check it out and was completely blown away !

Rob Attack


Purchasing his own land is the one thing Edward Cullen wanted most in this world, until he met the neighbor’s daughter.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Western – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 11 – Words: 36,369 – Reviews: 495 – Favs: 643 – Follows: 721 – Updated: Nov 22 – Published: Jun 1, 2014 – Status: Complete – id: 10396002

Sparks flew the instant Edward and Bella set eyes on each other but there were rules to be followed!

“You know what Mr. Cullen, don’t even bother trying to court me, I’d rather not be with a spineless man.” As if he’d been smacked in the face Edward stops dead in his tracks.

“Wait just a darn minute! I’m not spineless. I say I want to court you and damn it I’m going to court you. If you just stop acting like a spoiled brat –”

Bella stomps back over to him. “How dare you call me spoiled! You hear me now Edward Cullen, I don’t want to court you, not now, not ever, so you can go back to where you came from!”

Charlie and Renee walk out onto the porch, after being awakened in the middle of the night by shouting. “What in the blazes is going on? Isabella, get in the house now.”

Bella turns towards her father and stomps away from Edward. “With pleasure.”

Edward follows her, and then looks up at Charlie. “Mr. Swan, I’ve been respectable, and have given you ample amount of time to think it over, but now I would like your permission to court your daughter. I’m mighty taken with her, and it would be my pleasure to learn more about her.”

Bella huffs at hearing Edwards’s declaration. “You ever thought that maybe I don’t want to court you. Maybe three days were just enough time for some other fella to win my affections.”

Edward shakes his head furiously at her. “I swear you are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met. You’re courting me, and that’s final. If there were any other suitors, I would have words with him. Now if you all will excuse me I am expecting my brother in the morning. Mr. Swan I’ll be calling on Isabella for lunch. Thank you.”

With a slight bow of his head, Edward left all three Swans speechless. Charlie was a little taken back at being told what to do, but did like how the young man handled Bella.

Bella on the other was blushing furiously because she truly liked how Edward had demanded she court him. It made her feel all tingly inside, not to mention his words about another fellow nearly caused her to combust!

Renee Swan smiled at the whole scene, wondering just how soon Edward Cullen would be her son-in-law.

Lemme just say the prim and proper flies out the window once Edward makes Bella his wife and no room or surface of their home is left “unchristened” LMAO!


Rob Attack


Bella and Alice were best friends, which made Bella the only girl off limits to Alice’s brother Edward. When a party the summer after graduation gets out of control, Bella’s world is turned upside down. “He doesn’t know. I don’t want him to.”

Rated: Fiction M – English – Angst/Hurt/Comfort – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 42 – Words: 382,594 – Reviews: 13,217 – Favs: 8,847 – Follows: 4,774 – Updated: Sep 25, 2011 – Published: Aug 12, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 6229263

What Edward doesn’t know yet but the rest of his family just learned is that Bella has a three-year-old son who looks uncannily like Edward! His first clue, although he has no idea…

Yum, mom-made food is the best. I grabbed the plate out and then went to get some orange juice. For the first time I noticed a picture hanging from the side of the fridge. “Hey, ma, what the fuck is this?”

“What the fuck is what, Edward,” Mom asked with a little bit of an irritation in her voice. My mouth gaped a little at the foul language that just rolled from her tongue.

My mother was not one who swore very often. I took a shallow breath, held it for a moment and let it out loudly before continuing.

“This?” I grabbed the picture and took it over to her.

She stared at it for a moment with a blank look on her face before answering. “Uh, a friend’s little boy drew it for me,” she smiled. “It’s him playing the piano.”

Excuse me?

“My piano?” I asked tersely.

My mom rotated her whole body to face me.

“Yes, Edward, he was playing the piano that your father and I bought for you.”

Oh, she’s going to pull that card on me is she?

“Mom, please tell me that you did not let some little brat pound on my piano,” I groaned.

“Edward, I did not let some little brat pound on your piano. He’s actually quite a natural. He has a good ear.”

“Yeah, well…” I couldn’t really think of anything to say. She had said the same thing about me when I was first learning to play and not to brag or anything, but I turned out to be fucking awesome with the piano. Besides, I kind of had to trust that my mom wouldn’t let someone just bang the shit out of a $65,000 Baby Grand.

“All right, I’m heading out. I’ll be back later, I guess.”

“Okay, honey.”

Upon enterin’ the local coffee shop…

She stood at the counter waiting for her order. Wow! A few years had definitely been kind to her. She was a little curvier, but not too much. She was still slender; her firm legs encased in a pair of jeans that made her butt look edible. She had hips now and the t-shirt she was wearing was fitted, but not clinging to her. Her hair was pulled up and her neck was tilted slightly to the side.

She was rubbing it with her fingers like she was massaging a knot out. I wasn’t sure at that moment what I wanted to do. I could just walk right out and pretend that I never saw her, but that was going to be hard to do every time if I was going to be around for a while. I could sneak up behind her, wrap my arm around her waist and kiss her neck, whispering something seductive in her ear. That was my usual M.O.

Not a good idea Cullen, you stole her virginity and walked away never to see her again. She probably hates your guts and would pound your dick into the ground.

On that painful note, I adjusted myself and decided on a less aggressive mode of communication. I approached her quietly and as she was reaching for her purse to pay I slid my own bill onto the counter top.

“I’ve got it.”

I could see Bella freeze. Her jaw tightened and she turned to look at me in complete shock. Then it turned to rage.

“The fuck you do!” she practically screamed at me.

Uh, yeah, she hates your guts.

To be honest, I haven’t finished readin’ yet but OMG! what I have read so far is utterly brilliant!


Rob Attack

{banner by FallingSnow Winter}


Edward Cullen is a busy executive, who lives for only one thing—his company. His gruff attitude and rigid ways are what make him a success. There is no room for fun or distractions. An unwanted trip close to the holidays, brings 3 huge distractions into his life—a chatty teenager, a tiny, lisping angel, and most importantly—one small, determined woman. How will he handle them?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance – Chapters: 3 – Words: 6,470 – Reviews: 574 – Favs: 586 – Follows: 982 – Updated: 6h ago – Published: Dec 2 – id: 11646484

Havin’ been a Senior Executive Administrative Assistant {aka high level babysitter} for many wonderful years, I fell in love with Edward’s right hand, Shelly Cope, instantly!

Mrs. Cope’s voice became stern. “Edward.”

“What?” I muttered.

“You’re flying to the East Coast to meet with Mr. Black.”

“I know that.”

She held up her hand. “He’s only agreeing to listen to your proposal on the condition you meet personally with him and spend some time there, at the hotel.”

I snorted. “He’s not in any position to make demands. He’s going to lose it all.”

“Not quite yet, Edward. He wants to meet you face-to-face, and you agreed to it.”

“I did?”

“I did on your behalf.”

I shot her a look that would have had Jessica on the floor. She barely blinked.

“Why, exactly?” I asked between gritted teeth.

“I have a feeling.”

Needless to say, Edward was used to nothin’ less than first class accommodations so findin’ himself stuck in the Sleepy Time Inn was a real eye-opener LOL!

I pushed on my door; looking back over my shoulder at the unlikely welcoming committee I had been sent. A smart-mouthed teenager, a lisping little angel, who for some reason I seemed to adore, and then of course…Bella.

A mystery—one minute warm and smiling, the next frowning and cool. Then, despite the fact she found me an “ath-hole,” made me dinner, after she went out to buy my requested brand of brandy instead of telling me to drink whatever shit excuse they had in the bar.

She certainly was an enigma.

And she smiled at me in a way that took my breath away.

Mrs. C was right—this trip was already full of surprises.

Astonishingly, I rather liked it.

Hehehehe! The “ath-hole” conversation with Bella’s daughter was hilarious…don’t miss it! *wipes tear!*


Rob Attack


A fun three-part Thanksgiving story as told by Christian. This follows my Halloween story. The kids are six and four and there’s a new baby on the way… Will Christian survive the school play, Thankgiving dinner and a houseful of family in one piece?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Christian G., Anastasia S., Teddy G., Phoebe G. – Chapters: 4 – Words: 24,662 – Reviews: 135 – Favs: 53 – Follows: 112 – Updated: 13h ago – Published: Nov 23 – id: 11629901

Totally NOT Twilight fanfiction…well, not anymore LOL! But I’ve been secretly gigglin’ my ass off at AshBax’s short holiday fics featurin’ Christian Grey, Ana and the kids…yes, more than one LOL!

Today, I couldn’t resist throwin’ The Grey Thanksgiving in for dessert ’cause it’s so damn sweet, you’ll crack your teeth on it!

“This idiot told my kids that their friend is going to be dinner!”

“I told them he’s going to be a nice dinner. It was a compliment to the bird.”

It’s taking all my self control not to attack this fucker!

“Let me talk to them, Mr. Grey,” Tilly says, bending over to them in a frog-like squat. Well, at least she’s supposedly a professional with kids, maybe she’ll know what to say.

“Remember how I told you it’s a special day for turkeys?” she asks. They nod, sniffling. “You know why that is?” The kids shrug.

“‘Cause they’re cute?” Phoebe asks.

Tilly smiles and shakes her head.

“It’s because they provide dinner for nice families like you.”

“Ahhh!” Phoebe screams again, now holding onto my leg in a vice grip. Now, I know officially that Tilly isn’t a professional at anything but eating and keeping the lawn on her legs, and probably everything else south of the naval boarder, un-manicured.

“Are you people crazy?”

“Mr. Grey, it’s a fact of life,” she says. “Nobody gets a happy ending just because they want one.” With that tone, I think she’s speaking from experience.

“Nobody makes my children cry and gets away with it!”

“Mr. Grey, I know you mean well, but they have to know their father can’t just wave his magic wand and make everything good for them. There are some things you just have no control over.”

I glare at her. Those are fighting words.


“Sir, what are you doing with the turkey?” Taylor asks, opening the door to the SUV for the kids and I, and this bird on a leash as we leave the school.

“Don’t ask,” I say, looking down at the new Grey family pet. $5000 dollars later and he’s mine. That Del was so pissed at me, he kept upping the price; but, I’m never outbid.

It’s not marked complete but it actually is and the fourth chapter, Christian’s attempt at cookin’ the Thanksgiving turkey {not Boone, the one he rescued for the kids} will leave you howlin’ with laughter!

What fics have had your emotions all over the place this week?

Happy Friday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

37 responses to “Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

  1. Lucky to live in NYC and able to see Rob in ‘Life’ opening day here!😊😊😊😊

    • rita01tx

      Lucky it was already released in The Netherlands so I got to see it back in October and, of course, I loved it…another stellar peformance by our beautiful Rob *le sigh!* Dane was brilliant as James Dean, too!

    • bevey99

      Yep, I’d say reallllly lucky.

      • rita01tx

        Hi, Bev darlin’! Is LIFE gonna be playin’ anywhere near you or are you gonna have to go the TV “on demand” route? Lookin’ forward to hearin’ what you think about it!

        • bevey99

          I think it’s in Dallas for a couple of days, but that’s a 50 mile trip one-way. Plus holidays means less social time. ;-( I’ll have look at the ON-Demand thing. I have never missed any of his movies.

          • rita01tx

            Right there with you, Bev darlin’! I have all his films on dvd/blu-ray…well, I’m waitin’ for the ridiculous price for MTTS to lower before I buy that one. Don’t feel bad waitin’ since Rob’s not the lead in it. Oh, and I don’t have his very first film…Ring of the Niebelungs. It is also too expensive for what it is.
            I’ve dragged my best friend to all Rob’s films that come out in the theatre. Bless her heart…she doesn’t always like them but she DID like LIFE! Now she gets to drag me kickin’ and screamin’ to Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2 this afternoon *facepalm!* Well, fair is fair LOL!

  2. bevey99

    Edward’s Eternal always delivers. Already reading A Sprinkling of Sugar. Edwood isth a ath-hol. Love this kid!
    And, Rita – I read I Love Mr. North in less than 24 hours. Read almost all the way through without stopping. Fuck Awesome fic – my friend. THANKS

    • rita01tx

      You’re certainly welcome, Bev darlin’! You know I love to share the good ones and Mr. North was indeed fuckin’ awesome LOL!

  3. I saw LIFE On Demand tonight, and thought both Rob and Dane were incredible! The movie dragged a little in parts, but it was a very interesting story, and well told. Rob was amazing!

    ITA about “The Suitor!”. Fabulous story! Glad you rec’d it!

    xoxo Sus

    • rita01tx

      Mornin’, Sus darlin’! Yeah, you can’t exactly call it an action flick LOL! But all the more time to gaze at the beauty that is Rob {even when he’s upchuckin’, which he does so convincin’ly LOL} plus the film itself…the sets, costume, etc. were beautifully shot! Can’t wait to add it to my collection of Rob films!

  4. Hi Rita 🙂
    LOL The Suitor is great and hot story 🙂
    The new story by Edward’s Eternal is just priceless 🙂
    I read Unplanned Perfection, maybe 2 years ago, it’s great story but angsty….

    there is one with similar theme
    Bella left Forks heartbroken and with a secret that she didn’t dare tell anyone. When she has no other choice, she comes back to Forks to start again. But once Edward finds her back in town, can she trust him again? AH
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Angst – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 36 – Words: 185,180 – Reviews: 2,105 – Favs: 2,082 – Follows: 1,946 – Updated: Oct 28, 2014 – Published: Jun 15, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 5138068

    I just started, and i’m already crying
    Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly in the path of the best things that will ever happen to us. ExB AH
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Angst/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 57 – Words: 309,440 – Reviews: 5,803 – Favs: 1,488 – Follows: 2,044 – Updated: Oct 29 – Published: Jan 5 – Status: Complete – id: 10949827

    • rita01tx

      Mornin’, Zveka darlin’! Even though it’s on my TBR, I had completely forgotten about Baby Blues *facepalm!* As for Come Back Tomorrow, you’re gonna have to take me by the hand on that one…I’ve heard “things” *whimper!*

      • I followed Baby blues as wip 🙂

        Well as is holiday season maybe come back tomorrow is not the story to read right now but …. yeah I know I will need a lot of tissues for this one …. if I come crying you will know why 🙂

        • rita01tx

          Fair enough, BB! I’ll provide the shoulder while you read and then you provide yours when I get brave enough to tackle it LOL!

          • ok it’s a deal 🙂

            I have one really short I read it monday …. cute, cute, cute 🙂
            When Bella catches her boyfriend cheating will a handsome stranger help her forget him? *Winner Swooniest Male – Edward in the TwiHEAContest*
            Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 2 – Words: 18,300 – Reviews: 221 – Favs: 646 – Follows: 263 – Updated: Dec 1 – Published: Apr 17, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9209407

            • rita01tx

              Thanks, Zveka darlin’! I’ll have to give that one a read soon as I can tear my eyes off of Unplanned Perfection! Hell’n all my updates are pilin’ up in my inbox but I can’t be bothered LMAO!

          • Morning Rita,
            I’m in the middle of the Come Back tomorrow, couldn’t put it down… it’s hard to read but what a story!!!! The chapters are not so long … and I’m happy that this story is complete because I’m not sure if I would be able to read this one as wip….

            have a great Sunday 🙂

            • rita01tx

              Well, hell, Zveka! Guess I can’t exactly call myself an AngstH00r if I don’t read Come Back Tomorrow…tomorrow {maybe} LOL!

              • it’s beautiful written…. even if I need to cry sometimes

              • Hi Rita,
                finished Come back tomorrow, and if you like to read angst this one is for you, I cried and hoped with them all a long the story, I learned a lot too.
                Excellent story!

                • rita01tx

                  Thanks, Zveka darlin’! Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a good cry every now and then…de-stresses the system LOL!
                  Aside from all the regular updates, I’ve been tryin’ to finish Unplanned Perfection this week. Damn, this Edward is one fucked up, sexy as hell bastard…who gets another chance, thank God LOL!
                  I say try ’cause I keep gettin’ sidetracked by Facebook recs of pulled fics I’d never heard of and just had to snag them for my stash…still have to check them out LOL!

                  • yeah now I just need to find something funny and fluffy to read Rita 🙂

                    You are right about Edward in Unplanned Perfection 🙂

                    Hope there is good things in those pulled fics Rita 🙂

                    • rita01tx

                      Mmmm, there are quite a few summaries that intrigue me but if the writin’ sucks…well, that would suck LOL!

                    • rita01tx

                      Hey, this looks very interestin’…do you have the pdf already?
                      Don’t Take the Girl by SparklingWand
                      Charlie Swan agreed to take 8 yr old Edward Cullen on one of his & Bella’s weekend fishing trips. Little did he know he opened the door to a life long friendship & romance. Follow E&B through their life. AH B&E Rated NC-17 4 lemons/lang/possible violence

                    • Lol need to open a new post 🙂

                      I don’t have this one, please, could you send me this Rita ?

  5. dpennell007

    I remember reading and reviewing The Suitor when it was a one-shot, so thanks for the link to finish it. It was a fun read.

    I LOVE A Sprinkling of Sugar. So, so cute.

    Other than a few one shots here and there, the only thing I’ve been reading is your PDF of May December Divide. That’s one long story! I’m on Ch 28 out of 71. Things are finally starting to heat up in the romance department! Ohh yeah.

    • rita01tx

      Hehehe! Yeah, it do take a while but ain’t it fun watchin’ Edward wear her down, blastin’ every argument why they shouldn’t be together out of the water? That and the stories within the story keep you well on the tips of your toes, right? *fist bump!*

      • dpennell007

        One of the ladies on facebook just said Life was boring except for the Rob grunts at the end, and the end credits. It’s not playing near me, so I might wait for the dvd.

        • rita01tx

          Well, I don’t know what movie she was watchin’, Donna darlin’, but it sure wasn’t LIFE! Slow paced doesn’t equal borin’ if you’re payin’ attention *sigh!*

          • dpennell007

            Good to know! And from the previews he sure looks like The Pretty in full effect.

            • rita01tx

              Ummmhmmmm! Couldn’t keep my eyes off him *le sigh!* The character he plays might not have been the nicest person in the world but Rob does him justice…you’ll see!

  6. Hi everyone. I feel so slow. I’m in the middle of The Red Line. I feel like I’ve been talking about it for the last two weeks, but I actually started last week, just been busy with life and such. I suspect that I’ll still be talking about it next week too since there’s a sequel, LOL. Very cranky that I haven’t watched Life yet. My cable provider is offering it On Demand, so I was planning on watching that way, but yesterday my cable box crapped out on me. Can you believe the rotten timing?! Then I planned to buy it from Amazon. I bought a fire stick on Black Friday for cheap and it allows me to stream Amazon from my tv, so yay me, right? Wrong! The HDMI ports are on the back panel of my WALL-Mounted flatsceen tv. Can’t get to the ports without help lifting the tv off the wall. I spent all night on the phone with my cable company troubleshooting my cable box, have new equipment on the way, but lost all my saved content. I could buy on Amazon and watch on my kindle, but I don’t wanna watch on a dinky 7 inch screen dammit! *stomps feet* Long story, ordered the movie on demand. It works, but it’s only a rental, no option to buy like at Amazon. I got interrupted while the opening credits were still rolling. Sigh. I have two days to watch it, but I am VERY CRANKY that I have not been able to see it yet. Okay, bizarrely verbose rant over.

    • rita01tx

      Talk about a comedy of errors BWAHAHAHA! Poor Kay…hope you get a chance to watch it a couple times before you have to give it up! I won’t be able to get my hands on the Blu-Ray until February 2016…or it might be March since the Dutch tend to switch the numbers back to front and I can’t ever remember which LMAO!

      • Finally watched!!! My DH asked if I wanted to catch a movie, MY choice. He regrets that now. I will have to rewatch it (as many times as I can within the next day and a half), while hubby is elsewhere. He did not dig this film at all. I was slow paced, but I enjoyed the performances. And despite my DH actively trying to show his disinterest, there were a few scenes that drew him in, in spite of himself. I think thing went bad right from the opening shot of Rob. DH just looked at me and I fessed up. He just sighed. He gave it about five minutes of active effort. He told me the movie made him feel uncomfortable. There was a certain uncomfortable tension that lingered through the film. He kept expecting a slash-y moment. I love that Rob selects such varied roles. He’s drawn to awkward characters that are trying to find themselves, but each one has been so different, and he transforms with each one he portrays. I get so bored of seeing one-note actors, who play essentially the same character over, and over again. In that regard, Rob has been vert wise in his decisions. I’ve never seen him do anything like that scene in the club. I won’t say more for fear of spoiling the movie for someone.

        • rita01tx

          If you’re talkin’ about the scene I’m thinkin’ of, it’s already been snagged onto Vimeo and set to Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie”…reblogged it onto my tumblr dashboard LMAO!

          • Rita for shame grill. For. Shame! I was referring to the when Dennis and the girl were talking. Dennis was high. I loved how Rob acted this scene. Your mind, my dear Rita, is firmly (heeheehee) situated in the gutter. Now, where can I find that hips don’t lie gif???! Nah, I’m just joking. I’m ALL over it. I’ve seen it already. A couple of times. That is clutchyourpearls goodness!

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