Random Rita ~ Complete Randomness!


Evenin’, ladies!

Well, would you look at that? Three posts in the month of July for the win!


Okay, it’s just one complete fic but it still counts LOL!

ROB ATTACKhttps://www.fanfiction.net/s/8550424/1/Emotional-Warfare

Geeky Edward Cullen is dumped by his high school sweetheart…alone…in a parking lot…with an engagement ring in his pocket. To avoid looking pathetic at his parents’ New Years celebration, he enlists the help of his beautiful, and mysterious friend Bella to pose as his girlfriend. Hilarity ensues.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 26 – Words: 206,026 – Reviews: 1,384 – Favs: 3,690 – Follows: 1,832 – Updated: Sep 24, 2016 – Published: Sep 23, 2012 – Status: Complete – id: 8550424

Out of all the Geekwards I’ve read over the years, this has got to be one of my all time favorites! The banter between Edward and Bella is freakin’ hilarious, as this scene will demonstrate:

It took twice as long to clean up because I kept sitting down. This hangover was horrible. As I finished cleaning, Bella’s phone rang, making my head pound even worse.

Damn it.

I walked to the bathroom to tell Bella she had a call. I went to knock on the door just as she started singing When I Ruled the World by Coldplay.

She sounded like a Disney princess. I listened to her singing from outside the door until her phone stopped ringing. Now that I thought of it, she probably would have ignored the call anyway. So, I went to watch TV in the living room. I caught the tail end of a House marathon.

“Yes!” Bella sighed, walking out in another one of my t-shirts and grabbed her dress to put it in the washing machine. “I feel so clean. I smelled like vodka.”

“You sound like a Disney princess,” I told her as I went to the kitchen to make us a snack.

“Ick,” she shook violently, sitting down and rolling her eyes.

“What’s ‘icky’ about that?”

“Disney movies greatly distort and ruin young girls’ perceptions and expectations of love,” she deadpanned before grabbing the remote.

“What?” I asked, appalled. I’d never heard a woman bash a Disney princess movie.

“It’s true,” she nodded her head, tucking her feet Indian-style beneath her. “I got a paper published about it when I was in high school. I called it the Cinderella Complex.”

“Which is?” I questioned, taking the remote from her.

“A beautiful. . . somewhat intelligent girl. . . always goes out on a limb, therefore putting herself and/or her loved ones in danger just to get a man, then, when the plan goes to shit, she sits back and waits for the man to save her.”

“They aren’t all like that,” I argued, pausing the TV.

“Yes, they are,” she smiled, arching her eyebrow. “Try me.”


“That emotional punching bag?” she asked. “Why didn’t she seek out Prince Charming when she found out he was looking for the woman who fit the slipper? Besides, what idiot goes to a dance in glass slippers?”

“The Little Mermaid?”

“Oh,” she pondered, tapping her chin, “You mean Ariel? The dumbass who sold her soul to a sea witch for a chance with a man she met for a grand total of thirty seconds?” she smiled, shaking her head.

“I don’t believe this,” I proclaimed, in awe of her cynicism. “Beauty and the Beast?”

“You might as well call it The Legend of Stockholm Syndrome,” she laughed at my expression. “The entire subtext of the original story is to prepare young girls for arranged marriages, anyway,” she waved it off.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Snow White?”

“Two women fighting over who’s prettiest?” she asked in return. “Let’s not get started on how objectified she is,” she rolled her eyes. “Her only real power is her beauty,” she laughed. “She’s nothing but a glorified maid to those dwarves,” she listed on her finger. “When she died. . . they put her in a glass coffin,” she accentuated. “Gee. . . let’s put the dead girl in a glass coffin so we can stare at her even though she’s dead because she’s so pretty,” she said in a dwarf voice. “Technically, that prince was into necrophilia. . . kinky,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Seriously? Would you kiss a dead person?”

“Come on!” I raised my hands. Alice would be having a stroke if she heard this conversation. There had to be one that I could use to change her mind. We sat there, her raising her eyebrow in victory while I thought it over. Then, I found one.

“Mulan,” I stated, crossing my arms in victory. “She saved China.”

“Doesn’t count,” she smirked at my frustration.

“How does that not count?” I asked, getting a little frustrated.

“She’s not a Disney princess.”

“Is, too!” I argued. “She had her own movie and everything.”

“She’s a heroine. . . not a princess. Mulan isn’t of royal blood like the others,” she pointed out. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. She thinks of a fucking brilliant plan by causing that avalanche. She saves the General’s life. . . getting stabbed in the process,” she ranted. “How do they repay her?” she asked, crossing her arms. “They leave her. . . in the snowy mountains. . . alone. . . just for being a woman. What a dick!” she huffed. “However, Mulan was sort of a feminist. So, I’ll give her a little credit. Besides, have you ever seen her on a t-shirt with the other princesses? When’s the last time you saw a girl go as Mulan for Halloween?” she asked.

“Ugh!” I ran my hands through my hair. “Princess and the Frog,” I said. “Tiana was a go getter.”

“And people looked down on her because of it,” she countered.

“Let’s be honest,” she raised an eyebrow, “The song selection in Princess and the Frog is vastly inferior to the other movies,” she sighed. “Plus, Dr. Faciliier is nothing but a black Jafar. They even look alike,” she giggled.

“You are so. . . ”

“I do like The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, though,” she shrugged.

“So you are normal?” I teased.

“I respect that everyone owned their shitty attitude in that movie,” she explained. “Frolo had an entire song about how much he wanted to bone Esmeralda,” she smiled. “You have to commend Disney for having balls,” she giggled. “That bitch did leave Quasimodo for the good looking guy, though,” she frowned.

“There goes your cynicism,” I pointed to her.

“Yes,” she deadpanned, patting my shoulder. “Have you noticed that all of the 90s Disney princes have all of the same facial features. . . just a different skin tone?” she asked. “It’s like they used a stencil.”

“I’m not listening to this!” I covered my ears.

“Face it. ‘Happily Ever After’ is bullshit.”

“I don’t believe that,” I replied. “My parents will celebrate their thirtieth anniversary on New Year’s. My sister met her husband when she was fourteen. My brother is practically already married. There’s somebody for everybody.”

“Did you ever think that they’re exceptions to the rule?” she inquired. “I mean, over half of marriages nowadays end in divorce. You can Google it.”

“You know,” I got her attention, “Some people might call you cynical,” I shook my head, popping an Advil and chugging a glass of water.

“Naïve people call me cynical,” she retorted. “Realistic people call me right.”

Ednerd hasn’t even introduced her to his family, yet. You’re not gonna wanna miss that LMAO!


So, how’s the summer been treatin’ you guys?

Happy Tuesday, y’all!







Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

54 responses to “Random Rita ~ Complete Randomness!

  1. eewee333

    Hello my darling Rita! Thanks for a “complete” story. I was looking for something to read. I’m just finishing up reading all of capricapra’s completed stories and boy can she write! I’m reading “Fortune Favors the Bold” by her right now, but I’m on the last chapter. Great stories by her though. I have really enjoyed them all.


    And believe it or not, I’m reading TWO (yes I said TWO) WIP’s. Planetblues “Zuma” and “CHA-OS” by redtini. I only do this because I know they will finish them. And I love all their other stories too.

    Hope you are doing well. I’m not on FB too much anymore. RL and work are keeping me too busy. And I’d rather read Twilight Fanfic than scroll FB. Love and hugs-E

    • rita01tx

      Eewee darlin’ *JUMPY HUGS!*
      Don’t matter where you pop up as long as you do LOL!

      I haven’t read all of capricapra’s fics but the ones I have read were impressive reads:
      The Fox
      Fortune Favors the Bold

      Are you aware there are also 3 pulled fics of hers floatin’ around?

      The Tide is High
      Bella watches her close friend Edward go from one relationship to the next, never managing to find the right time or words to tell him that she loves him. Will she ever get the chance? When will it be her turn? M for lang/lemons. Mostly BPOV with occasional EPOV in later chapters.

      High Stays the Tide (sequel to TTiH)
      EPOV Companion piece to ‘The Tide is High.’ Edward Cullen. International corporate lawyer, serial monogamist, stress-head. Can he get over his issues to capture true love, or will he settle for the poor imitation? This story probably won’t make sense unless you’re reading ‘The Tide is High’ as well, so please give them both a try! Rated M for language/probable lemons.

      The Sun Rises Every Day (this was her very first fanfic)
      AH. Edward & his family have made multiple sacrifices after a tragedy. Just as Edward’s ambitions start to come true, he meets Bella, whose ambitions have led to the demise of her hopes for a family life. Rated M for later chapters. Mixed POV.

      Holler if you want ’em!

      And I’m definitely followin’ Zuma but not CHA OS, for some reason *head scratch!*

      As for me, I’m survivin’ the summer without A/C…barely *phew!* Prayin’ for a good, coolin’ rain as we speak!

      • eewee333

        Holler!! I’d love to have those stories. Many thanks. I couldn’t survive without my A/C down here. It’s been in the 90’s since June. Can’t wait for fall. Hoping we get through hurricane season without any hits. Fingers crossed!

        • rita01tx

          You’ve got mail, Eewee darlin’! Yeah, we’d really be in trouble if we didn’t have ceilin’ fans LOL! Got my fingers AND toes crossed y’all don’t get a bad hurricane season this year!

    • readicted

      eewee, I double checked and I have four of Caprica’s fics (haven’t read any yet), I went and grabbed the remaining ones from ffn that I didn’t already have. Thank you for the recs. I have one of her pulled fics, but not The Tide is High and its EPOV companion fic. (Rita, darling would you mind sharing?)

    • hmm didn’t read anything from her …

  2. dpennell007

    Your rec is next up for sure. A funny, easy to read story is right up my alley!

    I am 23 out of 41 chapters into a wonderful, fluff fest https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6220974/1/Days-Like-This

    Days Like This By: Soft Ragoo
    Bella and her newborn adjust to their life together but it seems everywhere they go, they encounter the same man with the captivating eyes and sexy smile. Edward’s life lacks something he desires. Has he been handed a challenge or a reward? All human
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Friendship/Family – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 41 – Words: 185,062 – Reviews: 3,243 – Favs: 4,281 – Follows: 1,894 – Updated: Dec 13, 2010 – Published: Aug 9, 2010 – Status: Complete – id: 6220974

    I got the rec on facebook from someone who wanted a feel good, easy to read fic. Lemons might not happen, but the feels are all there.

  3. rita01tx

    Hey, Donna darlin’! Lemons or not, Days Like This is such a wonderful story. It’s been a while since I last read it (time for a reread) so I don’t actually remember.
    ps: I hope you don’t do like I did and start Emotional Warfare right before you plan to go to bed! “Just one quick peek,” I told myself. Yeah, right…the sky was grey by the time my eyes gave out LMAO!

  4. dpennell007

    I’m more of a finisher before I start the next one, but thanks for the warning. lol.

    • rita01tx

      Well, I try to do that, too, but I’m easily distracted which is why I finally had to give up and make a separate “currently readin'” list to go along with my ever growin’ TBR LOL!

  5. readicted

    Rita, Ladies, I was just thinking of you today and voila,we get a new post-the third this month! It’s been hot for sure, but I am so very thankful for central a/c, even though I’m not crazy about a/c. For me this seems to be the summer of re-reads. After Grasping Darkness, I dived into a reread of Edward’s Eternal Kiss, because power of suggestion. You mentioned get to g the titles confused and I just had to go refresh my memory and well, here I am on chapter 43. Your rec this week sounds like something I’d enjoy. I haven’t read a cute geekward in a while.

    • rita01tx

      This week’s Geekward is definitely precious and Bella is just what he needs to bring him out of his shell and, boy, does she LOL!

      Summer of rereads is a very good description of my fanfic readin’ experience, as well! Let’s see, here’s what I’ve reread so far this year:

      Died and Gone to Heaven by DoUTrustMe (on pdf)
      Destitution Encounters Promise by Jess2002
      Deviant by planetblue
      Daybreak by Kay0913
      Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain
      In the Deepest Space by Loss4words
      The Man Behind the Mask by Drotuno
      Happily Ever After is Worth Fighting For by Lilacs4all
      Sharp Left Turn by Fyrebyrd
      Baby Whisperer by Compass54
      Falling Beyond Redemption by Aleeab4u
      Written in the Stars by Lissa Bryan
      Everclear (trilogy) by Chandler1200
      The Keepsake by Windchymes (lost count on how many times I’ve read this one and it won’t be the last time)
      Confessions of a Billionaire’s W by Ruthlessly Yours
      Serenity’s Prayer by Ladylibre
      Reboot by Diana Law
      Nice Catch by PassionforTwilight (abandoned WIP)

      I’d say I was sorry for addin’ more distractions for you but I’m not LOL!

  6. Yes this story is excellent; thank you

    I think I only didn’t read four stories in your list Rita and will add them to my tbr list

    Daybreak by Kay0913 isn’t this one still a wip???

    just finished to read confessions of a Billionaire’s W last week

    One time, no matter how hot or sexy was not enough. We both knew it. So he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. For the next year my body would belong to Edward R Cullen; the billionaire, the genius, the sex addict and the married man. How did I get here and why don’t I want to leave?
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 30 – Words: 107,986 – Reviews: 3,606 – Favs: 3,763 – Follows: 3,042 – Updated: May 29, 2014 – Published: Sep 21, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9702725

    Re reading cupcakeriot stories
    Fanfiction, Sexegods and Single Girls by bannerday
    Melt with you by Jenny0719
    Mate by sheviking
    Island Nights by compass54
    I guess I forgot some of them lol

    • rita01tx

      Hi, Zveka darlin’! Yeah, Daybreak was never marked complete but it ends at a good enough place to suit me.
      Would you believe I STILL haven’t read Fanfiction, Sex Gods and Single Girls? Bad Rita!!!
      Melt With You…check (first fic of hers I read was Dear Maggie and I really need to hit up a few more off her profile!)
      Mate…check, check and double check LOL!
      Island Nights…not a candidate for reread in my book but I enjoyed it at least once.

      • I need to revisite Daybreak, I loved also Holding On and Letting Go from author of Melt with You and Dear Maggie

        Masen Valley, SC. Population: 10,789. It was a tiny dot on a map; an escape of sorts for Bella Swan. But when circumstances bring a certain member of Masen Valley’s founding family back to town, she finds that the past isn’t as easy to leave behind as she thought it would be… Or let go.
        Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Drama – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 28 – Words: 138,011 – Reviews: 3,232 – Favs: 2,549 – Follows: 2,452 – Updated: Jan 27, 2014 – Published: Aug 1, 2012 – Status: Complete – id: 8382216

        ah Mate is the story to visite and revisit 🙂

        I was re reading Island Night because I didn’t remember well this story lol … this could tell everything lol

        Fanfiction Sex Gods and Single Girls is one of my top 5 stories, she really have a way to turn the words; and it’s so funny 🙂

        After a mortifying first meeting, fanfiction writer Bella finds story inspiration in her distracting new neighbor. She thinks he’s just a player. He thinks she’s a little odd. But you can’t judge a book by its cover. And just wait until Bella discovers who’s reading her newest fic! Art imitates life imitates art. An AH romantic comedy.
        Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 73 – Words: 479,535 – Reviews: 25,920 – Favs: 7,145 – Follows: 6,818 – Updated: May 25, 2018 – Published: Jun 21, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7103047

    • readicted

      Now I have to reread Mate. Again.

  7. readicted

    That’s one helluva fantastic list. I’ve reread a few of those myself and there’s a few that I’ve really been itching to revisit lately (Everclear and Written in the Stars make that list. The Keepsake is one I’ll never tire of. But I’d also like to revisit Darnay Road (counselor), One Day (RueforRegret), Mason Manor (drotuno), of course I’ve mentioned Poughkeepsie several times, maybe The University of Edward Masen (Sebastien Robichaud), there’s so many I’d like to revisit. These are just a very few that come to mind. Deviant was super hot, if my memory serves. It’s a conundrum-discover new gems, or revisit old faves?

  8. dpennell007

    I read that this one, started in 2011 finally was marked complete today: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6932812/1/Theories-of-Bellativity

    Theories of Bellativity By: kikki7
    Bella Swan is a physician assistant student trying to survive a grueling clinical year. Add Dr. Edward Cullen, a cocky, irresistible ob/gyn resident. Throw in some chocolate, sprinkle with a few of Bella’s quirky theories about life, and see what happens.
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 32 – Words: 122,552 – Reviews: 5,091 – Favs: 5,542 – Follows: 6,756 – Updated: 2h ago – Published: Apr 23, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 6932812

    I’d never heard of it, but Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – sounds like a MUST READ to me! lol.

    • rita01tx

      Yes! I saw that, Donna darlin’! We’ve been waitin’ for that one last chapter since 2015 LOL! NOW we can start readin’ it…..

  9. readicted

    I have both of these on my tbr list, but haven’t read either one. Same for Dear Maggie. While I was checking my inventory to see if I already had Dear Maggie, I saw a title on my list that caught my eye-Dear Veronica, by cosmogirl7481. Well I couldn’t for the life of me recall the title, so I had to take a glance. And within a few paragraphs I was already chuckling and wanting to know more. Don’t know if it’s any good or if anyone here has read it.
    1994 was the year that The Cranberries lingered on our radios and Jordan Catalano was still the hottest boy we could imagine. But it was also the year that Bella Swan decided to keep a diary. A record of her actions. A place to share her thoughts.
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 41 – Words: 42,852 – Reviews: 4,760 – Favs: 1,239 – Follows: 1,117 – Updated: Jul 16, 2012 – Published: Jun 4, 2012 – Status: Complete – id: 8183892

  10. Renee Legris

    Well my goodness, Rita, thank you for gracing us with your presence three times in one month! I think I have to read your main rec – Ednerd, giggle.

    I just finished one that was full of hilarious dialog, too. The funniest bits were what Edward said out loud vs. his internal thoughts. It’s a quick read also. (Somehow I seem to be finally getting around to years-old great stories!)
    Bad Fauxmance By: stella luna sky
    Typical formula: boy meets girl. Boy befriends girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl has no idea. Boy is afraid to tell her, because Boy – me, Edward Cullen – has been pretending to be gay to keep Girl’s man-hating self in his life. AH/M. COMPLETE.
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Chapters: 14 – Words: 40,411 – Reviews: 4,221 – Updated: Aug 31, 2010 – Published: Feb 20, 2010 – Status: Complete

    I enjoyed seeing everyone’s re-read lists. You’re so right, Kay: “It’s a conundrum – discover new gems, or revisit old faves?” I think I lean toward old faves whenever my reading starts to flag. A good dose of a stellar story gets me going again in no time. I was so tickled to see Rita listing “Nice Catch” – such a terrific story, even though unfinished. I will reread anything by Windchymes, including of course “The Keepsake”. Anything by Aleeab4u, too, including “Falling Beyond Redemption”. I haven’t read “Man Behind the Mask” yet, I think it just blew to the top of my list. And of course EVERYONE loves “Mate”. It’s such a treat when fabulous, imaginative new canon stories like that appear out of nowhere. Ooh, and “Masen Manor” – time to revisit that one for sure1

    Thanks, Donna, for the heads-up on “Theories of Bellativity” finishing. Wow, over 5K reviews!

    My thoughts are with anyone trying to get through summer without AC. As time goes by, I seem to get less tolerant every year.

  11. For info 🙂

    Redtini will pull down September 30 this story

    Bella Swan fell in love, got married, and was living her American dream. Until she met her soulmate. MA Edward, Bella, Jacob, Tanya. Romance, angst, and lemons. OOC.
    Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Drama – Bella, Edward, Jacob, Tanya – Chapters: 25 – Words: 87,613 – Reviews: 1,386 – Favs: 571 – Follows: 986 – Updated: Aug 16 – Published: Feb 14, 2018 – id: 12836834

    • rita01tx

      Yeah, I saw that, Zveka darlin’. Woulda been nice if she’d marked it complete but I snagged it, nontheless.
      Also noticed everything else has been removed from her profile. Guess she’s movin’ on from fanfiction *sigh!*

      • yeah me too ..even if I’m not a big fan of her writing; I have hard time with her Bella’s; prompt to fight with Edward but forgiving all the crap that Jake could make
        and I just saw now .. yeah she removed everything …well I wish her all the best in publishing world 🙂

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