~RF walks out onto the stage dressed in her Sunday best. She steps up to the podium and takes down the microphone. Returning to center stage, she begins to speak to the Robitorium in her best Southern Baptist, Gone ta Meetin’, Sunday Revival accent~
Ladies, nay, Sistahs! Sistahs, just why I have bought you here today is to tell you all somethin’ you may already know. But, I feel the need…I say, I feel the neeeed to share the Robgospel with ya’ll here today! Now you may already know that the word “gospel” means “the truth.” So, what we are talkin’ about ri’ chere is the Rob-truth, or the truth about Rob!
Can I get an A…man?
Sistahs, as you know, this man has large hands and long fingers. Have Mercy! And with those hands he has reached across the lands, across nations, even unto the ends of the earth, to the young and the old, the rich and the poor, the angel and the h00r! He has touched us all!
My dear friends, who among you can say you have not looked into those multicolored eyes and not been affected by his stare? Has he not looked into that camera and made you feel his kiss?!
And, without the distraction of the rest of Rob’s gorgeous face *coughJawPorn* *coughLipPorn,* we are helplessly trapped…and lovin’ it! AMEN!!!
He has not looked upon you with that come hither stare and made you feel desiiiiired!
Yea, there is no escape from his wickedly sexy gaze…nor do we wish to! Can I get an AMEN!!!
Sistahs, I have come here today to preach to you about the power of this man and to confess to you that I know what you’re goin’ through! I have witnessed the power of his wonky legs!
I have seen those snow white fangs of his and wished that he truly was a vampire and that I, yes I, was his all too willing next victim! Are ya feelin’ me, now?
I too have looked upon those luscious lips and felt the call of seduction, Sistahs! I know! Indeed I know!
Believe me when I say you are not alone! I have been there when the cameras have captured that sharp jawline and I have felt my knees go weak like my weight was supported on rubber bands!
And, my Sistahs, have mercy, the man was blessed…I say he was blessed with the voice of an angel! An angel who was sent here to bring us great joy!
The man can make your soul dance!
He can make your heart sing!
He can make your legs weak!
He can bring your libido back from the dead!
Now, I know that not all of you are here in the Robitorium with me. I know that some of you are on the bus or in a carpool on your way to work takin’ the opportunity durin’ your ride to come get yours. I know some of you are already at work sittin’ in your office or in your cubicle sneakin’ the chance to peek at The Pretty when ya should be workin’. Some of you are at home sittin’ on your home computers stoppin’ in here to get your Rob fix for the day before you set about your chores, and some of you are in your beds with the lights out and your laptop or e-reader open and grabbin’ a gape at Mr. Sex on Legs before bed!
My Sistahs, I also know you have one more thing in common…you’re all sittin’ there, wherever you may be, with your hand over your mouth tryin’ NOT to squee! Hear me now, Sistahs! Take that hand down! Are ya hearin’ me, Sistahs? Take that hand doooown and let it out! For this is the Robgospel and…
The Truth Shall Set You Free!
Much love to you all,