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Thrilling Thursday

Hello Everybody *waves*

RobsFan~tasy

Good morning ladies.

I’m bringing you this special Thrilling Thursday post because I have a secret I want to share with you all.

So Grab a cup of coffee, sit back and let me tell you all about it.

Yeah that’s right it’s big, it’s bigger than Big, it’s HUGE! {No I am NOT talking about the Peen~this time hehehe}

You might be right about that Rob cause this post is about our very own Rita01tx! You see, Rita’s been a little stressed lately.

She’s been Really over loaded at work and it’s just gotten to be too much!

She didn’t have much time time to read FF and she barely has time to perv on Rob!

So what’s a Rob hOOr to do?

What else…

 Retire!!!

And so she is doing just that! This Friday will be her very last day of work! What do you think about THAT Rob?

Yeah really! It’s true! You like that idea don’t you Rob?

And do you know what she is going to do with all of her new found free time? Spend it on You of course!

Oh Rob! You know she Lurves you!!!

So Rita, since you are retiring, we got you a few gifts! First, we got you a party tiara for your Retirement “Party.”

And Your office sent a Cake over just for you!

{What does GTFO Mean exactly? *innocentlook*}

Then we got you a T shirt…

And Claire sent a Stripper over just for you!

And since we know Wet Rob is your absolute favorite, Clairebamboozle and I ran out and got you a few Wet Robs to play with.

This one is from Claire!

But there just isn’t enough room in that tub for two so I got you this one.

But Baby, You know your my Bestie and you know I’d never let you down so I got you the best gift of all!

Good only in the RROP! For use ONLY with RP!

So Girls Lets raise our glasses and toast To Rita’s Retirement…

Here’s to You Rita! “Bottoms Up!” LOL

I’ve drank to your health in taverns,
I’ve drank to your health in my home,
I’ve drank to your health so damn many times,
I believe I’ve ruined my own!

May your liquor be cold,
May your men be hot.
And may your troubles slide off of you
Slicker than snot.

The test of Gold is Fire
The test of Truth is Time
The test of God’s love are the heavens above
And everything sublime
Treasures in life are many,
Dreams realized but few
But I know the test of God’s goodness
Is when he gave me a friend like you.

Congratulations & Much Love to You Rita!

MWAH!

RobsFan~tasy

**Special Thanks to Clairebamboozle for all her help in finding the right gifs! 🙂  You’re a doll!!!**

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Filed under Because he gives us a Reason to smile., Because I CAN!, For Rita, Friends, it's true, Rob Pattinson, We Got Your Back!

The Last Hurrah

Hello all! I know I promised you an epic blog post today but that’s not going to happen for reasons that I will get to in a bit. First let me say that the Lake Arrowhead show was amazing, everyone enjoyed it. And if you ever get the opportunity to see Lee, Sam, and Marcus in person DO IT!! You won’t regret it! And if it’s a private show, you better RUN not walk to get your tickets!!! It is truly something you don’t want to miss. And maybe people will tell you more about it in the comments.
Now, I want to let you know that  I had the extreme pleasure of hanging out with the sweetest, most talented, fun-loving Brit boys this weekend. I also found out that the RA readership goes much farther than any of us ever imagined. (*waves* Hi Jack! Thank you for being so cool about it. But most importantly thank you for helping me move on). And because of those two things, I have decided that I will no longer be blogging. It feels strange to write about people who you’ve spent time with. Or a certain person that you’ve seen out doing normal things. I am no longer comfortable writing about any of them and I feel I need to keep my personal experiences personal from now on. (Don’t read anything major into that. Nothing that exciting happened.) I will continue to support Rob and all of his amazing friends through the films and albums they release. I just want to give them the love and respect they deserve and don’t want to do that in any public forum. I hope you understand and continue to support them as well!
I have enjoyed getting to know so many of you through this crazy adventure and have cherished every moment with you! Thank you all for allowing me to share  my experiences with you and for being so supportive of RA. I know that the rest of the crew will be here giving you the great posts you have grown to love. So please continue to show them your love too!
I wish you all the best!

robsfuturemate

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Filed under britpack music, Rob Pattinson, Rob's Mates

Thrill Me Thursday…Welcome Home!!!

Hello Everybody *waves*

RobsFan~tasy

 
 
Good Morning Ladies,
With the New Year here I thought I’d throw us all a little Welcome Home Party and show you all just what the RA Mansion looks like. Everyone can have their own room (post yours in the comments) and there’s lot’s of room for hanging out, partying and well, heh heh whateve…
 
So Follow me  “Ladies” and I’ll take you on a tour of Our New Home here at the Rob Attack Mansion…
 
 

The RA Mansion

 
  Rob has graciously volunteered to escort each of you to the room of your choice…feel free to show us which room you’d like to have for your very own! And hands off The Pretty..well, unless he makes the first move {snickers}!
 
 
 
(Hey nobody said we couldn’t flirt! LOL)
 

"Ladies," *nods and grins as he opens the double doors*

 “Come…on in…”

Welcome Home!

 
I Knows You all like a view from the rear *snickers*
 

Uh....That's not exactly what I had in mind Rob but heh heh I'm not complaining.

 
 
Lovely in the day time, but beautiful at night…
 

Party Anyone?

We can all catch Rob’s eye as we descend these backstairs stairs…

A Grand Entrance

Anybody up for a dip?

Pool Party With Rob? Hell Yeah!!

 

SKINNY DIPPING WITH ROB!! FTW!

I thought you might you might all like to see each of our rooms in the RA Mansion. I’ll start with TheMissMod’s room and a direct quote from her,

“All righty! Here tis, The Mod Suite! I picked this room because it’s the epitome of 60’s cool and I can just see myself grooving to records on the Dansette before settling down in the evening (perhaps waiting for a visit from the House Master) 😄 All ladies are welcome to share my space and drop by every once in a while, no biggie!

 

 
An our Wandering RFM’s Suite, with a direct quote from her, 
 
” I love the cozy but chic bedroom and I’m all ready to curl up with a book by the window. The only thing that’s missing is this inspirational saying on the walls. Keep Thrusting and Carry On. The sitting room is also a fab place to entertain guests! I can see a night of video game annihilation going on in there, hehe. And if we get a little hungry after all those shenanigans, the kitchen will be fully stocked with hot pockets, Heinekens, cereal of your choosing and and anything else that I don’t have to cook! So whether your into book clubs or slayer games, come hang out with robsfuturemate!  I love the cozy but chic bedroom and I’m all ready to… Keep Thrusting and Carry On hehe… come hang out with robsfuturemate!

Passionate purple

 
 
 
 
 
And or very pervy and lovable Rita01tx’s room,
You know, I’m a country girl at heart and my ideal bedroom would have…”
 
Grandma’s Feather Bed ~ John Denver
 
“It was nine feet high and six feet wide
Soft as a downy chick
It was made from the feathers of forty-leven geese
Took a whole bolt of cloth for the tick
Itd hold eight kids n four hound dogs
And a piggy we stole from the shed
We didnt get much sleep but we had a lot of fun
On Grandmas feather bed”
To my mind, there’s just nuthin’ better than sinkin’ down into a big ol’ brass bed made up with a soft, thick mattress covered by bout a hundred quilts and lots of downy pillows.
 
“I can just imagine burrowing under the covers to *ahem* cuddle up to a warm Rob on a real cold Texas night!!”
 
 

"We wouldn't get much sleep but we'd have a lot of fun" ~ Rita

 You know what they say Rita, “Save a horse…” heh heh heh. This pic reminds me of a certain FF called “Another Fine Mess!”

 
 
 And Of course, Rob has a Penthouse Suite all his own, With a bedroom and a room to relax in.
 
 

Had to give Rob a head board he couldn't break *snickers* Unless...

 
 
 

Lastly we have My room.

 

And Just in case you ever hear this from Rob,…

 
Wheeee… errr um I mean, We have a room for that here at The RA Mansion too

RROP for Bad girls!

 
And I know just what your reaction will be to this too…
 

"Yee Haw!!!"

 
We have full accomodations here at RA, Music room, game room, kitchens, on suite baths, wine cellar, ballroom and more so you can imagine I had to draw the line some where. I am going to make this a page at the top with all the other rooms I mentioned showing a slideshow so show us how you have chosen to decorate your RA bedroom and stake your RA Mansion claim!!
 
Much Love to you all,
 
RobsFan~tasy
 

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Filed under Because he gives us a Reason to smile., Because I CAN!, Do It For ROB, Fifty Shades, in my dreams, Just For Shizz and Giggles, Rob Pattinson, Thrill Me Thursday

Surprise Rita!

Hello Everybody *waves*

RobsFan~tasy

Good Morning Ladies,
As we ring in the New Year tonight we will als be ringing in our very own Rita01tx’s  Birthday! Rita and I met in April and since March I don’t think a day has gone by that we haven’t chatted or e-mailed each other every day. (except for when she was on vacay) She offered to fix my boo boo in WIT and we’ve been tied at the hip ever since and I must say having her as my friend has been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me!So from the bottom of my heart I wish you a

 Very Happy Birthday Girlfriend!!

MidNight Cougar was kind and thoughtful enough to make up the Banners from all of us to You on your Birthday Rita!!

Heh heh heh We knows how muuch you like “WET ROB”

And the “Happy Trail” Too

Oh And Rob Stopped by with a special birthday wish of his own fr you. He told me he would be waiting in his Penthouse Suit with your “gift!”

Love You Girl,

{{HUGS}}

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM YOUR RA SISTERS

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Filed under Because I CAN!, Friends, it's true, We Got Your Back!

RFM’s Most Excellent Adventure

Hello my lovelies! I’m back and boy do I have a story for you! I hope that you have all been enjoying the down pour of Rob goodness and that this post just adds another element to the pics and videos you all have been perving on. I just want to tell you that this is by no means meant to be taken as bragging. I know how lucky I’ve been lately but it’s because I am out there DOING. I’ve finally taken the big step and started doing whatever it takes to see thePretty in person! And, I also want to say that you SHOULD go to the BD2 premiere next year. I don’t think you would regret it. Even though there will be some downs, the ups are SO worth it!!  Oh, and this has way more Twilight than Rob and it’s gonna be long, so be prepared. So, let’s start with the story…

Erik Odom, aka Peter

This adventure started last Tuesday with a drive to Los Angeles. (We’re not gonna discuss how I got lost and was driving around LA by myself) Well, I made it in time to see three-quarters of New Moon. Yep, right after Edward left. But it was fun seeing it again in the theater. Afterward, Maggie and I met Erik Odom who plays Peter in BD2. We had a nice little convo about the contacts. He didn’t think they were that bad. Did you know they had to spritz their eyes with water throughout the day to keep them from drying out? Learn something new everyday! We also met Jack Morrisey that night but didn’t really talk with him.

The next night, Wednesday, was pure torture. We stayed up all night trying to figure out where to go for the unofficial line. Everyone was tweeting, facebooking, and texting. We made some friends that night and almost got bombarded by an angry mob. When we finally confirmed the right location we were told to split into our groups and stay still. Then security came around and “randomly” picked who would get their wristband first. Tension was high, emotions even higher. We had no idea what the criteria for picking was and were so thankful when we got picked. We walked quietly and with our heads down, so as not to upset the people left. (I did try to peek for my friends but it was so hard to find them) Then we waited for hours to get our wristbands and campsite. Some that were there at the same time as us originally waited over 12 hours!! So hard to watch.

Kiowa Gordon, aka Embry

That afternoon I had the distinct pleasure of having lunch with Jackie Zane, Lucinda from WFE. She had some wonderful Rob stories. Basically things we already know, like how kind and funny he is! I found out that Rob likes to drink wine! Who knew?! Later that evening we watched Twilight on the jumbo tron outside. There was a whole lot of screaming going on! After my “nap” Maggie and I ran into Kiowa Gordon from the Wolfpack. He wanted to surprise the campers by waking them up with music. That idea was vetoed and he sang for a small group outside Tent City. It was a hard night of sleep that night. Nokia has lights and sounds that go on until 2 am every day. Eye masks and ear plugs are a MUST!!

The next day was a fun day of milling around and meeting people. Everyone just trying to relax. I met Tink from Robsessed and got my Cosmopolis button! (I think I kind of fangirled inside) Tink is a sweetheart and had a cute little city of cardboard Robwards to keep her company. That night we watched New Moon and yes, more screaming ensued. The comments from the peanut gallery were funny bordering on obnoxious. We had a surprise visitor after the movie, Kellan Lutz! Unfortunately security wasn’t really prepared for him and there was a bit of mass chaos. I was pressed up against the barricade with people yelling and screaming. I waited patiently and was so disappointed when Kellan skipped our section. Trying another area for a pic only resulted in pics of Kellan’s ears and being pushed into following Kellan around. Luckily we made it out of there and my friend, who’s seen him numerous times, got a hug with him. Aww, sweet!

Stephenie bringing us signed BD books!

The following morning we had another surprise. Stephenie Meyer came and brought us all signed copies of Breaking Dawn! She handed them out individually and took pics with us. We told her how much we appreciated her stories and that because of her we were able to make so many friends from all over the world. She was so sweet! Can you believe she signed at least 1000 books for us!

There were so many things to keep us occupied during the time we were camping. They set up a TwiFi lounge where you could take pics with Cardboard BDward. And if you were courageous enough, you could wear a wedding dress while doing it!! They had little contests throughout the week and gave away shirts and pj pants. That afternoon we had our own concert of artists off the BD soundtrack. They were amazing! Charlie Bewley (Demetri) hosted the event and he was hilarious! Not surprising, he is a  Brit boy after all! 😉 He even had Cardboard BDward do a dive into the audience, after he tossed him around a bit that is. After that we watched, you guessed it, Eclipse. Well ironically, I only watched the tent scene. After spending most of the movie cleaning my tent from all the rain.

Mr. Edward Pencil hands

The next morning we had breakfast brought to us by the cast. Or more like the cast visiting us while Corner Bakery gave us some yummy muffins and such. The cast members consisted of Peter Facinelli, Jackson  Rathbone, BooBoo Stewart, MyAnna Burning (Tanya), and Casey LaBow( Kate). I didn’t get pics with Peter or Jackson but had a fun convo with both. We told Jackson that we were Monkey Junkies. He said, “Thanks, but you should really see a doctor for that.”  And then, being the teacher I am, I commented on Peter’s pencil grip (he signs with both his fist and his fingers depending on the color sharpie). Peter said that he was “Edward Pencilhands”. Clever man!

I fangirled again that day when I met Moon and UC from Letters to Rob. They were my first blog experience and if it wasn’t for them posting my “letters to Rob” I would not be here writing to you today. Thanks girls!! They are also super sweet but somehow got me to help them with a Trivia Game on Yahoo movies. Luckily, I won my portion of the game so it wasn’t too first hand embarrassing! I quickly ran outside after that to take a pic with Melissa Rosenberg, Twilight screenwriter. So cool! That night we could stay in our hotels, so Maggie and I hit the LTT/LTR party with Moon and UC. It was so awesome to meet people who you’ve been “talking” to you for years but never met!! And the sangria wasn’t that shabby either 😉

And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! The black carpet event!!! We saw so many great looking celebrities and was able to take a few pics of them. Many of the fans wanted pics and autographs with everyone but I kept my eye on the prize. There was only one thing I wanted from this event, and it was either a pic with Rob or his autograph. When I saw him arrive it looked like he was only doing autographs, so I grabbed my LTR notebook. (the whole RA banner is a fiasco that I am perfecting for my next adventure 😦 ) Then the girls behind me tell me no, he’s taking pictures too. Well, I found a little niche in the front row and hauled myself up on the barricade. Luckily, there was a tiny bit of space and my friend was next to me. When Rob came by I was trying to snap pics and enjoy the moment. I stood there holding my notebook and making sure Dean was okay with where it was. Rob signed my book and took pics with the girls on either side of me. I stood there watching the whole thing for a second or two before I snapped out of it!

Rob was gorgeous. When I asked him for a picture he said, “Yeah, sure.” But I was fumbling around with my camera and he asked if he should take the picture. I said, “yes, please.” No flash went off so he asked if I got it, and while I was checking he moved onto the next girl. I looked down to see only a blurry Me in the picture! (I knew asking Rob to hold the camera was a bad idea) I think I then may have yelled at him a bit, hope nobody got that on film. I told him he only got me and he said, “Oh, sh*t. Let’s do another one. Do you want me to take it?” “No, I hold it, ” I told him.  I thanked him and he moved on. He took multiple pictures for other people who’s didn’t turn out. Super nice!

This whole experience was amazing! There is no other place where you could experience all of this in just a few days. And although meeting Rob was the icing on the cake; meeting new friends, old friends whom you email with, and bloggers you admire was the best thing about this adventure. I have met women whom I hope will become lifelong friends. The premiere was crazy but being sore and having bruises all over is worth it. Kind of like how Bella feels after her first time with Edward, well maybe not that kind of sore.

Hope you all enjoyed this and I wish that every one of you could have your own Rob moment!!

robsfuturemate

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Filed under Because I CAN!, Breaking Dawn, Do It For ROB, Edward A M Cullen, Freaking Out, Rob Pattinson, Twilight

Rob’s Mates are Great…Bobby Long

Yes, here I am again, taking you along another one of my adventures!! Hope you’re all enjoying living vicariously through me! Hehe. I’m hoping to make it worth your while one of these days with the Ultimate Adventure…meeting The Man, Himself. But for now let’s take a trip to Santa Monica and the quaint guitar shop that is McCabe’s.

Here's the best shot of our Mates (that wasn't in your face papp pics)

It was a cool night waiting in line for McCabe’s. This time both Dazzledbyrp and Roslyn Selene were able to join me, along with a few other Robfriends! It sure makes for a great night when you have such wonderful company to enjoy. We made our way into the guitar shop with the perfect seats in mind. You know, to be able to scope out all possible entrances for Bobby’s mates and to still be able to see Bobby himself.  We had seen Bobby at McCabe’s before and had enjoyed all the hilarity and good music that came with it. Last time Bobby had laryngitis and had to “get two shots in the arse” which seemed to make him pretty talkative. I couldn’t wait to see if that was just the shots talking or if Bobby was like his mate Rob when in public, Word Vomit Galore.

Turns out it wasn’t because of the shots! Bobby says he’s very quiet but don’t believe it. Although his voice may be quiet, the amount of words is not. We had a wonderful night of listening to him play his guitar and tell very humorous stories. Bobby is an amazing guitar player. Just watching his fingers fly around the frets is mesmerizing! And he has a deep gravelly voice to go with it. (kind of like someone else we know!)

Here’s a little sample of what we heard that night. Although Bobby kept reminding us that we couldn’t record there, which led him to be even sillier!

So now that you’ve heard him sing you’re probably wondering how funny Bobby is really. Well  here are some of our favorite moments:

  • Whilst driving down the highway from San Fran, the convertible roof blew off. “I had to hold it down with my

    Signing autographs for us

    hands.” (Does every Britpack member have car trouble in the US?!)

  • “We eat Jolly Ranchers all day, they’re good.” He also told us when he gets older he wants to “settle down, shower every day and find someone to watch his kids so he can eat Jolly Ranchers all day”!
  • Bobby told us he was drinking beer in his cup. “No its not, it’s water. Just kidding, it’s a milkshake. My milkshake brings all the girls to the yard.”
  • Here’s your Rob tie-in: Someone in the audience yells out “Is Robert a bad influence on you?” (after the beer comment). Good ole Bobby either misheard or classically diverts with a comment about drinking Rockstars and how hyper they make him.

I’m sure these are much funnier coming from Bobby himself, so get yourself to one of his shows!! Who knows? Maybe you too will have paparazzi there asking YOU if you saw Rob Pattinson or Kristen Stewart inside! And then of course you should make a quick trip to the back alley just in case. Not that it worked for us, mind you. But it’s definitely worth a try!!

Until next time,

robsfuturemate

Head on over here to Bobby’s site for more music and vids. He has a new EP coming out soon, so keep your eyes open! What do you guys think of Bobby? Who wants to go to his next show?!

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Filed under britpack music, Rob Pattinson, Rob's Mates

Rob’s Mates are Great…Lee MacDougall

 It’s your friendly RA So Cal gal!! One of the things I love about living in Southern California is the great adventures you can have. I also  love the wonderful music I have been introduced to because of Rob. And when you combine the two together you get to see terrfic  shows like the one I witnessed last week…the talented Lee MacDougall. And since most of you couldn’t be there with me *wipes a tear*, I’m going to take you there now.

Aww! Look how young those mates are!!

The night takes place at the infamous Hotel Cafe. Unusually for the Cafe and for Lee himself, it is very quiet and only a handful of people are present. But that doesn’t detain Lee, or us for that matter. I learn from my new friends the low down of what Lee’s mate, Rob does when he comes here. And imagine the scene unfurl before my eyes, knowing that tonight that’s never going to happen. Rob had hopped on a plane only 4 days before! We enjoy some lovely company and listen to the great voice of Albert Aguliar while patiently waiting for Lee.

What a cutie!

Lee arrived on stage with just his guitar and his wonderful accent. (I could just sit and listen to these boys all night!) He played some songs off his new EP and also did a few of his older songs. The best part for us was when Lee actually came down off the stage and walked around with his guitar and played. We were sitting so close to him, we could have reached out and strummed the guitar for him!

It was such an intimate atmosphere, Lee told us little stories and we laughed and heckled him right back! My favorite thing Lee said on stage was, “I’m going to play you a song.” We all started chuckling and then Lee realized what he said. His face was so cute! He then proceeded to try that again and finish his sentence this time! Lee’s music is heartfelt and covers a great vocal range. One minute he’s singing sweet and high and the next low and gravelly.

Singing his little heart out

After the show Lee was kind enough to sign our CD’s and pose for pictures. I got  kind of  tongue-tied whilst handing him my CD and just said my name. (With Rob I’d be lucky to even say that!) He offered his hand to shake and said, “Lee.” Then he proceeded to ask if my name had any different spellings (Maggie, I’m lookin’ at you!) and signed my CD. It was then that he noticed my I heart British Boys shirt. “Nice shirt,” he says to me. “Thanks,” I reply. “I need to get a shirt like that,” he says, “without the bottom part.”  He later decides he needs one that says “LA girls”. “Great! I’ll make you one,” I say. And then add, “no, I can’t really  do that.” He laughs and after we take a few pictures (and I may or may not have rubbed my arm on his package. WHAT?! It was a total ACCIDENT!) We go outside and enjoy the rest of the night.

 
 And now we need to bring it back to the man we created this blog for. Did you know that Lee wrote a song for the film How to Be? Unfortunately it didn’t make it in the final cut but I thought you’d like to hear it. So, here you go. Just imagine poor Art going through his quarter life crisis!
 
 
I hope that was entertaining for you because I have a few more Britpack concerts lined up in the future! And if you’d like to hear more of Lee just visit his website.
Update: Lee MacDougall replied to my facebook comment, “It was good seeing you…and your shirt! ;)”  SQUEE!!!
 
Until next time,

robsfuturemate

So what do you guys think of Lee MacDougall? Have any of you seen him live? Aren’t Rob’s mates fab?!

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Filed under How to Be, Rob Pattinson, Rob's Mates

For the Long Suffering Men in Our Lives

Hello Everybody *waves*

RobsFan~tasy

Good morning, Ladies! The following “Article” was written by Robshandmonkey and is used with her kind permission (with a few pictorial edits by yours truly). Thank you RHM for allowing me to use and play (twss) with your work!

I know some of you ladies are still in the “RobCloset,” especially from your Hubby’s and DBF’s so, just in case you ever get “caught,” Bookmark this Page into your favorites and, when they start to “B*tch” at you for Perving or reading too much Fan Fiction, just sit em down in front of the PC and show em this Post and then let’s see what they have to say…LOL

Enjoy my Friends…Enjoy…

TWILIGHT MAFIA HUBBY’S 2011 WORLDWIDE F*CKFEST

The first days:

Men all over the world woke up one day to find their females had became obsessed with a phenomenon known only to man as

“The TWILIGHT Saga OBSESSION” The year was….2008 B. T.  (before Twilight)

Before Twilight, women took care of their men, their families, focused on their jobs…even fed the dog…

Then an unknown Leader from an unknown land wrote a f*cking book.

Yeah…one f*cking book…that turned into another…and then another…and then another and all hope was lost.

The seed is either planted or it isn’t with the reading of the first Twilight book. Some men still remain unscathed. Those f*ckers are the lucky ones… their wives, daughters and sisters have not fallen into the Black Hole that thousands of men around the world now refer to as “The Twilight Phenomenon.”

However, the ones that aren’t so lucky have listed the woes of this obsession.  WARNING…if you see any of these signs…it’s already too late…

Day 1 It was a simple little black book with a pair of hands in the offering of a pretty red apple and your beautiful wife, mother of your children has her nose buried in it.

Innocent looking, isn't it?

CUE WARNING…if you see this, destroy It before she gets halfway through! Remember what happened to Adam when he was given the apple?  This doesn’t compare, my dear friends! If she is more than half way through this book…Do Not Attempt To Stop The Progression Of this Phenomenon! It can only result in injury…yours!

Day 2- For those that now see the sprouts of that first seed,

When you fell asleep after day 1 you didn’t heed the warning, or you just didn’t know about it yet…a moment of silence in your honor will be given at the end…our humblest apologies to you and yours when you find your wife standing in line at the bookstore with a copy of New Moon dancing from one foot to the other, waiting in line and cursing about the wait. Later that night, but still on day 2,  she spends all night with the nightlight on reading.

It's too late, you poor fool!

Day 3- You hear her cussing and ranting and she is literally in tears over some guy named EDWARD  (if you had realized at the time how much you would learn to despise that man’s name…) all you wanted to do was comfort her and help her through this perceived loss. Hindsight…you wished he had stayed away but, come to the end of the evening, you see now her online ordering a copy of Eclipse for her Kindle to find out what happens next.

If your wife has this book...STAY AWAY!

Day 4- Your kids start with questions, wondering where mom disappeared to. When you find her, she is buried deep into something called the compromise chapter and she yells at you to shut up and go to McDonald’s even though you despise the franchise but the kids squeal with glee as you head out the door. It will pass, you are sure of it…again we apologize that we didn’t get to you in time.

Day 5- You get home from work on a Friday evening, ready to spend a relaxing weekend, when you find your wife again buried in another book that has the queen chess piece on the cover. You move to kiss her on the cheek and she brushes you away with a barely muttered hello. You find dinner tastes off and wonder…did she forget to season anything?

Caution, Do Not Approach Your Wife if you have seen this book in her hands!!!

Day 6 – Saturday night…your kids are with friends and you feel a little smexy time is in order so you sneak up on her only to have her start cussing up one side and down the other about how she was cheated out of a honeymoon, although you clearly stated you shared a great time in Hawaii…what is the problem? Little did you know it wasn’t your honeymoon she was bitching about but it was that Fucker EDWARD and his Bella that didn’t reveal details of said honeymoon and some bullshit about feathers. You go to bed early wondering what the hell? Family and house are neglected and you get no nookie!

What feathers?

Sunday morning rolls around and she is in a slump about the issues that plague her vampire loving heart that this story can’t be over, can it?

You silently Thank God, take a deep breath and sigh in relief only to find her online squealing when someone tells her there is another story only half told and she now sits in front of the computer reading…yes, you guessed it…EDWARD’s side of the story and it’s called Midnight Sun!

Oh no! Not another one!!!

You go to bed and the next morning you find her still sitting there reading, but oddly, during the night, this guy EDWARD is no longer a VAMPIRE …he is now a TATTOO ARTIST? Seriously?

Tattward? WTF??

The next several days are a blur of EDWARD’s parading in and out of your life and the bastard can morph into any character like that fucking movie where people are being taken over by body snatchers.

He goes from a mob boss to,

Mafiaward

To a doctor…

Doctorward

and most fittingly, Punkassward!

Punkassward

By the following Friday night, you demand an explanation and she tells you its called Fan Fiction!

Then one day….EDWARD suddenly now has a FACE to go with the name and, OH MY GAWD! YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HE WAS THE Second Coming of ELVIS himself, only its WORSE!

 EDWARD CULLEN IS NOW STARRING IN HIS OWN MOVIE…NO WAIT… ITS ONE MOVIE FOR EACH BOOK!

Commence banging your head now…we can wait till you are done…

Better? Okay, where were we…oh yes, so now you find that you stare at this face on your home computer’s background desktop and you want to smash it. He needs to die and you find yourself looking up how to kill a vampire.

Take that, Edward!

The months ahead consist of premiers…Twilight parties…

Your house even gets invaded by women who are just as obsessed as they sit around and swoon over this guy who you now know as none other than…

ROBERT PATTINSON

Robert Pattinson

Yes, it is the second name you will regret ever hearing for the rest of your life.

You consider counseling…isolation, deprogramming, vacations…anything to reclaim your wife but…oddly this fanfiction bullshit has a few perks…she comes to bed a little frisky and you take advantage of it…hey, might as well enjoy it while your getting it…maybe this Twilight shit aint so bad….

Edward has brought you a few nice orgasms, some loving, a quickie in the car…something you HAVEN’T done in years…..

Then one day she calls you by a name you simply cannot take…

There are Bobwards Jeffwards Ericwards Brentwards Stevewards Michaelwards Richardwards

And, at this point, all we can say is…the last movie installment is still 2 and a half MONTHS away….

Will it all end?

Will you get your wife back?

WE CAN ONLY OFFER YOU HOPE AND GIVE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT MAY GET YOU LAID ONE MORE TIME….
SHOW YOUR WIFE THESE PHOTOS AND TELL HER THERE YA GO BABY….
THE ONE THING YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR….

IT IS THE BEST I CAN DO FOR YOU, GENTLEMEN…UNTIL BREAKING DAWN COMES OUT, MAKE SURE YOU ARE PREPARED WITH THE FOLLOWING…

-HOT LINGERIE YOU BOUGHT FOR HER

-SILK BOXERS FOR YOU

-PLENTY OF VARIOUS LUBES (note: MAY NOT BE REQUIRED!)

-CONDOMS

– A BOTTLE OF VIAGRA…PAY WHATEVER IT TAKES BECAUSE YOU BETTER BE ABLE TO LAST MORE THAN FIVE F*CKING MINUTES AFTER ALL THIS…..

BECAUSE ON NOVEMBER 18 2011…

IT IS PAYOFF TIME MOTHERF*KERS AND WE ARE GOING TO GET LAID AND ROCK THIS F*KING WORLD LIKE NEVER BEFORE!

-YOUR TEAM TWILIGHT MAFIA HUBBY’S FOR THE UPCOMING 2011 WORLD WIDE F*KFEST !

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Filed under Rob Pattinson

Rob’s Summer/Fall Vacation 2011

I’m back ladies!! Just wanted to mix it up for you all, keep you on your toes. But I think the Robdrought is upon us and I don’t have much to say. So I’m going to turn it over to some friends of mine, Cath and drsaka. Enjoy!
 

This is a Must Click!!

 Hello ladies, it seems like Rob has free time this summer/fall, for the first time in a number of years. Since we have no idea what his agenda is or even if he has one, or any aspects of Rob’s plans, we’d like to suggest activities for him. Vacations are generally either for leisure, activity-filled or staycations (staying close to home).

Leisure vacations

Napping/Beach Ball

We are reminded of the (totally cute) picture of Rob on the beach during the filming of Remember Me. Perhaps a vacation activity could consist of: naps on various beaches of the world, playing beach ball with Bear and TomStu? Drinking beer under a palm tree? (No sugary cocktail for Rob!)

Activity-filled vacations

Road Trip- America

The epic Britpack road trip must happen again! Rob has spent so much time flying from place to place (hence his thought that everything in the US is near Detroit), it’s time for another road trip. We’d like to suggest one where they can take in some true Americana. Ladies, did your parents ever subject you to a road trip to the biggest ball of string (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biggest_ball_of_twine)? I would have happily gone if I knew Rob (in the plaid suit) was going to be there!!!! How about the world’s largest pheasant (http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/1186)? Just think of the fun the Britpack could have (http://www.roadsideamerica.com/).

Road Trip- Europe

We realize Rob has travelled a bit in Europe, but we’d like to suggest a tour that would include fountain diving. In Rome. Because…well, because he can! And who would mind Rob in swimming trunks?

Bike Touring

Perhaps Rob enjoyed the recent Tour de France and would enjoy following part of the route (pssst- I think there are enough French little cafés on the way). Or maybe, boating on famous waterways? Forget Venice though Rob, that’s old, come boating on the Amsterdam channels!

Staycations

Staycations are very popular these days. Here are some activities for Rob, if he decides to hang around at home.

  •  Not shave- remember how quickly he turned into Mountain Man before!!!??
  • Watch TV
  • Watch ALL the DVD’s in the Criterion collection, again
  • Read comics
  • Listen to music (of course!)
  • Play songs on a mandolin and a cello
  • Go into Heineken induced semi-comas
  • Hang out with mates and act like monkeys for hours
  • Experiment with cooking (with mates): Linguini with a Heineken reduction sauce, sautéed beef jerky and microwave carrots
  •  Search through piles of clothes
  • Shop for underwear (can any of the Ellen underwear still exist?)
  • Wash the charred plastic off your car’s flamed dashboard

Staycation with Bear

Rob now has a new companion to take care of….Bear!

As seen by the recent walk on which Bear took Rob (and TomStu) for a trip down the street, perhaps some quality time with Bear is the best idea for this free time. Enriching activities for Rob and Bear could be:

Yoga with his own (Yogi) Bear. Rob must keep in shape, all that Heineken, you know – and Bear must too, he has to pull Rob along on walks!

Bath time for Bear (this will probably turn into a bath for both)

Teach Bear how to walk properly…although we’re not sure Rob mastered this himself as he is Mr. Wonky!

 All in all, there’s plenty for Rob to do in his time off. We wish him a good time and we ask him to hurry back, we already miss him!

 We wish we were in vacation mode (with you).

 drsaka and Cath

(super manips by Cath)

So what do you ladies think? What else  would you like to see Rob do in his spare time? And if you have something you want to share drop us a line at www.robattack1@hotmail.com

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Filed under Friends, Rob Pattinson

Thank You Rob!

Dear Rob,

We don’t usually write you letters here, we save that for our friends at LTR, but there is something that has been on my mind for a while and this week most especially. I wanted to let you know that I owe you, big time. There is something that you’ve done for me (and a whole slew of others) and I don’t think you have any idea. No it’s not our renewed youthfulness, or our re-ignited passions, or even the fact that you single-handedly brought sexy back.  All those things are great and we are thankful for them but the thing I want to talk to you about today is FRIENDSHIP.

Roadtrip Brit Pack Style

I know how important friendship is to you. You are always supportive of your friends and they of you. You are with them whenever you can (which is probably not as much as you’d like). But do you know that YOU have inspired so many friendships? I have seen and experienced it first hand. Hundreds (probably more) have made friends with the only common bond originally being  their love for you, Robert Pattinson.

There are many types of friendships that come from being online friends. There are friends you comment with on a blog with witty banter back and forth. There are friends you swap emails with and talk about Real Life not just the man who brought you together (hey LTR gang!).  Some friends you find you have so many things in common with that even though you live on the opposite sides of the world you discover you are Kindred Spirits (yep MC, I mean you!). And finally there are friends that you find live only a few In-n-Outs away and that you can actually hang out with (Ros and Mags!).

Good Times

So, as you can see Rob,  I owe you a lot. I have made several friends all because I fell in love with you. And with the closing of RAoR, I have seen that this is the case all over the internet. You have inspired woman all over the world to become friends. Sure we don’t always agree or get along but we love each other through thick and thin. We even expand our homes when others have lost theirs. I am so thankful to get to know even more lovely ladies, who love YOU of course!

Thanks for bringing us all together,

 robsfuturemate

What kind of friendship/relationships have you made because of Rob? Has anyone else had a RL meet up?

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Filed under Friends, Rob Pattinson, We Got Your Back!