Tag Archives: Paul Simon

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

 

Wet Rob Avi

Afternoon ladies!

This mornin’, a little birdie told me our sweet Naughtyhisbella had an electrical fire at her house!

I’m pleased to report no one was hurt but my fingers are crossed hopin’ the damage wasn’t enough to make her…

{Ladysmith Black Mambazo / artwork by Bernard Ndichu Njuguna}

Homeless, homeless
Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
Homeless, homeless
Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
We are homeless, we are homeless
The moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
And we are homeless, homeless, homeless
The moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake

What a coincidence! Homeless Edward is the theme for today’s recs LOL!

Searchin’ through my TBR, I was actually surprised at the number of fics where either Edward or Bella, or both, found themselves homeless for one reason or another! I’m bettin’ you’ve all read at least one but have you read these?

Rob Attack

{banner by FallingsnowWinter}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10336818/1/The-Lottery-of-Life

Bella has been blessed with the finer things in life. She has always been focused on what she has and never understanding that money doesn’t buy you everything. It will take one stupid bet and a homeless man to teach her what really is important in life. Can Edward get through to snobby Bella Swan and show her what she has been missing? AH HEA Mature.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 26 – Words: 121,040 – Reviews: 1,066 – Favs: 606 – Follows: 785 – Updated: Sep 8 – Published: May 10 – Status: Complete – id: 10336818

What I loved most about IBACULLEN’s story were some of the epic snarkfests between Edward and Bella!

“Hey you.” I called.

“Is that you…Richie Bitch?” He looked me over, “What happened to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You just look like a box of crayons that’s been out in the sun too long.” He smirked.

“Screw you, dude. I have had a really bad morning. You have no idea how hard it is to work all morning in the hot sun and still have nothing to show for it.”

Homeless dude shook his cup at me, “No…I have no idea how that is. Please enlighten me.”

“That’s not what I mean. Ugh…never mind, anyways I just wanted to stop and tell you that you’re wrong about me. I’m not as big of a…Richie Bitch as you thought. I gave a homeless man a thousand dollars the other night. He didn’t ask me for it, I just gave it to him…on Sunset Boulevard, in the middle of traffic…so there.”

“Really?” He asked taken aback.

“Don’t believe me?”

“No…I believe you…I know that man you gave that money to. He came into the soup kitchen with tears in his eyes and then gave that thousand dollar bill to the owners.”

“What? Why would he do that? I gave him that money so that he could do something with it.” I exclaimed.

“He did do something with it. He gave back because…the soup kitchen has always been there for him and he wanted to repay the debt.”

I slumped against the car completely flabbergasted shaking my head.

“You don’t think he did the right thing?” he asked.

“No! I mean, he could have rented a cheap motel for a couple of days and had a real meal instead of some slop from a soup kitchen. I should have given it to someone else.”

“Most people would feel happy hearing that their money went to a good cause…most people think that you give a homeless man money, he’ll just go and spend it on liquor.”

“Yea, I suppose that liquor would be worse. Anyway, I have a lot of work to get done…I should get going.”

“Work? Finally decided to not live off your parents?” he questioned.

“No…I just…have a project I’m working on. I’m sure to you it’s stupid but to me it’s…personal.”

“What project? Is that the reason why you look like a paint pallete?”

“I don’t want to tell you, you’ll just think it’s stupid and shallow. I’ve had enough judging from you for a day.”

“Uh…Miss, that’s all you do of me. Just tell me the project. I will try not to make you feel bad about yourself.”

I rolled my eyes and still don’t know why I am standing here talking to this man, especially out in the open where we can be seen.

“I made a bet with a friend and the stakes are really high.” I sighed.

He waits for me to continue.

Believe me…this was just the tip of the iceberg LMAO!

~oOo~

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7133208/1/Home-is-Wherever-You-Are

EPOV, Homeless Edward is down on his luck when he meets a girl who is a breath away from joining his homeless status. Can they save each other?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 46 – Words: 116,203 – Reviews: 1,852 – Favs: 1,228 – Follows: 599 – Updated: May 2, 2012 – Published: Jun 30, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7133208

Poor Edward can’t catch a break when it comes to his initial encounters with Bella LMAO!

When the light changed, I crossed the street and headed out to get dinner. I got my sandwich to go because I didn’t like the way people looked at me or cringed away from me when I sat in the restaurant. I was walking back to my night spot with my dinner bag when some headlights blinded me. I put my hand up squinting, unable to make out who it was or what they wanted.

“What’s in the bag?” I heard a woman’s voice ask.

“A double cheeseburger,” I answered because that was what it was.

“Throw it over here.”

“What? No, this is my dinner.”

“Fine, set it down and back away from it.”

“NO! I’m hungry, what the hell is your problem?”

“I have pepper spray,” she threatened.

I dropped my head in defeat. I didn’t have another shirt and it was too damn cold to wash it off at this time of night. The bitch had me. I set the bag down. “Come on, please, it’s my only dinner and I don’t have any more money.”

“Back away from the bag.”

“Please don’t take it,” I begged like a weak little girl.

“Take off your shirt.”

“What? Ma’am, I’m not that kind of person. I don’t just…”

“Shut up, take off your shirt, and hold your arms out.”

“It’s freezing cold tonight, Ma’am. Why are you doing this? You’ve got a car to sleep in.”

“Now!” she said holding up the pepper spray.

“Toss me your shirt and hold out your arms,” she demanded and I hesitated.

“Hurry up before you freeze your butt off,” she snapped. I tossed her my shirt and I noticed she sniffed it. She walked toward me cautiously. She was just out of arm’s reach and eyeing my arms. “Turn your hands up,” she commanded, so I did. “Now take off your shoes.”

“Look, you can have my sweater, but please leave me my shoes. They’re the only ones I have and they won’t even fit you.”

“Take them off now!” she snapped. I sighed and toed them off. “Your socks, too, and sit on the ground and stick your feet out. Do it now,” she commanded.

I dropped my head and pulled off my socks. To my surprise, she squatted down and looked at my toes. “You got some freaky toe fetish or something?” I asked annoyed.

“No,” she said and threw my sweater at me. I quickly put it back on, thankful that she gave it back. “Put your shoes back on. Where are you sleeping tonight?”

“What’s it to you? Are you going to try and steal my pack or something? Look, lady, whatever you want, just tell me now, okay?”

“Get in the truck and don’t try anything funny.”

“What? You’re kidnapping me?”

“Are you homeless?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Are you really willing to work?”

“Yeah, but I’m not a gigolo.”

“Shut up and get in the truck,” she commanded.

“Can I bring my dinner?” I asked.

You’ll have to read Home is Where You Are to find out just exactly what the hell Bella wanted our homeless Edward to do for her!

Rob Attack

{banner by Cared}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9061275/1/Where-Roads-Converge

A homeless boy, hitch-hiking in the snow, a woman on her own, running from an abusive relationship. Is she crazy to stop, or are their paths destined to cross? Can this mismatched pair find succour and salvation together, or will their pasts intrude and drive them apart? AH, rated M. Two-times winner of The Lemonade Stand Fic of the Week Poll.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Hurt/Comfort – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 25 – Words: 125,139 – Reviews: 2,824 – Favs: 1,558 – Follows: 1,603 – Updated: Aug 3, 2013 – Published: Mar 2, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9061275

In Where Roads Converge, Bella literally saves Edward’s life by pickin’ him up while he’s tryin’ to hitchhike in the middle of a blizzard!

The first thing that occurred to her was how stupid she was to let a hitchhiker sit alone inside her car with the engine running.

This thought was totally overridden by the sight of said hitchhiker curled up in the passenger seat, his teeth clattering loudly as his body was wracked with uncontrollable and violent spasms—clearly, he would have been incapable of doing anything, let alone getting behind the wheel and driving away.

Hey, kid… hey, can you hear me?” she asked. She put her hand on his arm and was appalled to find that his leather jacket was waterlogged and freezing. Lowering her hand to his leg, which shook and jerked like he was suffering from St Vitus’ Dance, she soon realised that all his clothes were soaked through and that if he was going to survive he needed to get out of them.

“Kid… shit, what’s your name? You need to change out of these clothes. Do you understand me?”

“M-m-m-my n-n-name iiiis Eh-eh-eh-Edward,” he whispered, his teeth chattering so hard he could barely get the words out.

God, I loved this fic and sat for weeks bitin’ my nails waitin’ for each new update LOL!

So, what are your favorite “homeless” fics?

Happy Friday, y’all

Rita

Night Raider

21 Comments

Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx