ROFLMFAO!

Nothing makes us Rob h00rs happier than to see him laugh…

…it’s a truly beautiful thing that warms our hearts and makes us smile! And so does today’s post, as we share with you some hilarious Twifics that make us ROFLMFAO!

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*Reviews by Midnight Cougar*

Awkwardly Yours by Vancouver-Canuck-Girl 

Awkwardly Yours ~ High school Edward likes a girl named Bella, But he’s not a smooth-talking kind of fella. He has his fair share of inserting foot into mouth, And inappropriate risings down south. But he’s really kind of sweet, Even if he’s sort of a geek.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor – Edward & Bella – Chapters: 11 – Words: 28,939 – Reviews: 1,130 – Favs: 498 – Follows: 914 – Updated: 09-26-13 – Published: 08-02-13 – id: 9557633

Vancouver-Canuck-Girl, author of the very funny The Real Life of E A Masen, has one wicked sense of humour that I absolutely love to read, and which translates beautifully into her creative writing. She makes me smile and laugh every time she updates her newest ‘Humor’ fic, Awkwardly Yours.  It is very aptly named, IMHO, as it depicts the daily plights of an awkward, geeky, and somewhat naïve and clueless, but totally adorable 15-year-old Edward.  Not only does he make me laugh my head off at all that he goes through – poor boy can’t catch a break – and with his unfiltered ramblings and hilarious inner monologue, but he also writes the best poems in his journal at the end of each chapter.

These unique and imaginative poems highlight his day’s “adventures” and how he – a horny, teenage boy – perceives them. After what his older brother, Jasper, named “Mastur-Gate 2013,” let’s take a look at chapter one’s poem to see how it all played out…

EPOV

“Like I often did, I pulled my journal out from its hiding spot and scribbled out a poem. Journal, not diary – just wanted to make that clear. Yeah, it’s sort of nerdy but it’s nice to have a place I can vent, ya know?

Tonight I got caught jerking off

All because I didn’t hear my mother knock.

Now my sister wants her lotion back

But I need when I have the urge to whack.

And damn it, I didn’t even get to finish

But now my boner has now diminished.

Fuck my life

And all its strife.

Goodnight.”

Oh, dear Edward, you are too cute. So funny, and it only gets better and funnier as he begins to act on the crush he has developed for Bella, his sister Rose’s best friend. When he finally gets a chance to talk to Bella – the object of his affections both in and out of the bedroom (remember he is 15 *wink*) – he just can’t seem to reel it in, but then he is shopping for tampons for his sister…

Excerpt from chapter 3

“Edward?”

Oh God, please don’t let that be—

“Bella! Hi. What brings you to the feminine hygiene aisle?”

Idiot!

“I mean how neat that you and Rosalie are cycle buddies.”

Seriously, how the fuck does my brain come up with that shit? ‘Cycle Buddies’? Really? Even if I knew Jasper and I were jerking off at the same time, I’d never call him my ‘Beat-off Brother’.

“Actually, I’m here getting a slurpee.” There was a smirk playing on her lips when she answered me.

I dropped the box of cooter corks like a hot potato.

“Yeah, me too. I was just here browsing.”

Bella called my bluff.

“You were browsing super absorbency tampons on a Saturday morning?”

I shrugged, trying to feign innocence. “I’ve always been curious about the different brands and stuff. They have scented tampons over at Fred Meyer. I don’t know if it’s mint or peach or something different. I’ll have to do more research. Do you know they make something called a ‘Diva Cup’? It’s durable and reusable. You should look into it. You could save yourself some money in the long run.”

I begged myself to shut up. Was it too much to ask that just once I could come across as cool?

Bella stood there, sipping on her slurpee, and let me ramble.

“You’re certainly a wealth of tampon information.”

I grinned. “Just call me Edward ‘The Tampon’ Cullen.”

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Bella laughed. “Okay, then. I should get going. Tell Rosalie I’ll call her later.”

“Yeah, okay sure. Don’t forget to research the Diva cup before your next—”

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut the fuck up!

“—never mind. Bye, Bella.”

“Bye, Edward ‘The Tampon’ Cullen.” Her using air quotes made me want to die.

I think I’d want to die, too, Edward… Shakes my head, smiling; I just can’t stop laughing, although I do kind of get second-hand-embarrassed for him! LOL This lighthearted WiP, which updates regularly, is one you’ll want to read as you’ll get to delight in a well-written, laugh-filled story with endearing characters and a most lovable, hilarious Edward!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9557633/1/Awkwardly-Yours

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Penal Code by FictionFreak95

Penal Code by BellaFlan

Penal Code ~ COLLABORATION with BELLAFLAN: Undercover Cop Edward Cullen wants some excitement on his beat. Bella, whom he mistakenly thinks is a hooker, desperately needs to snap out of her funk. How deep is Edward willing to go undercover to get the girl? AH, BxE

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Bella & Edward – Chapters: 11 – Words: 39,189 – Reviews: 1,409 – Favs: 1,233 – Follows: 1,061 – Updated: 11-06-12 – Published: 01-03-12 – Status: Complete – id: 7706291

While I’ve mentioned Penal Code a few times over the last couple years in different posts, I knew I had to include it today as we talk about fics that make us laugh, because I can honestly say that this fic is one of the funniest I have ever read – I really did LMAO! This incredibly humorous short story was originally submitted to the Fandom for Texas Wildfire Relief but was then, to our great reading pleasure, extended, providing more laughs and crazy antics involving our beloved couple.

We must first heed the authors’ warning: “Please note the word “come” also appears as “cum” depending on the POV.”  I am laughing already just reading that and writing this review, thinking back to when I first read Penal Code. I can guarantee that after you read this amusing gem you will never look at a Pudding Cup the same way again, because when Undercover Copward’s night of adventure begins as a “John” and he meets “Bella cum-Swan” but mistakenly takes her for a “hooker”…things get…messy as they share some fun times together…

Watching Bella eat pudding was like watching a porn movie. She licked that cup dry, and I wondered if that was part of her gig – getting a guy horny and hard over pudding and then sucking him dry, hour by hour.

I could get on board with that.

And when I say “sucking him dry” I obviously meant money … although, I’m guessing she could suck me dry the other way too. She definitely had some tongue skills with that spoon, I’d noticed.

I wanted to be that spoon.

I wanted to punch that spoon in the nuts, actually, and take its place.

Sorry spoon, but you’re out.

Alas, though, as Bella began to scrape the final remnants of chocolate flavored gelatin from the plastic cup she’d been having an intimate relationship with, her eyelids grew heavy, and before I could offer to walk her home, or… back to her pimp’s place, her head fell.

Her nose landed square into the pudding cup, forcing what was left of her snack outward in a climactic spray of chocolate that speckled her face.

I was wrong. I didn’t want to be the spoon after all. I wanted my jizz to be the pudding.

*spoon and jizz, I mean, pudding cup*

Oh, Edward, you do make me laugh…you perv! *grins* Read on, my friends, and have a great, memorable laugh!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7706291/1/Penal-Code (FictionFreak95’s posting)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7706072/1/Penal-Code (BellaFlan’s posting)

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Suit Up by Marvar 

WINNER in the Make Me Laugh Anonymous Twific Contest: 

PUBLIC VOTE: First Place: Suit Up by Marvar

JUDGE’S VOTE: First Place: Suit Up by Marvar

Suit Up ~ Bella watches swim god Edward Masen from afar. What happens when he gets close enough to touch? My entry for the Make Me Laugh Contest. First place in Public vote and the Judges’s pick.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Edward & Bella – Chapters: 2 – Words: 6,882 – Reviews: 252 – Favs: 361 – Follows: 305 – Updated: 08-13-13 – Published: 08-04-13 – id: 9562781

Marvar has written some marvelous Romance/Humour in the Twific realm, she really rocks the funny, and she’s done it again with Suit Up, which was her entry for the Make Me Laugh Contest – it won First place in Public vote and First Place for the Judges’ pick. She used Prompt #13:

The story is set in university, where medical student Bella Swan is taking her anatomy classes outside the classroom and into the…pool area? Oh, this should be good! LOL

I blame my current obsession with water sports on last year’s summer Olympics. Seeing all those speedo-clad hotties with the great pecs and abs made me curious enough to attend the swim meets at my own university. The athleticism, and let’s face it, the attractiveness of the men, made the meets exciting. In more ways than one.

Because that’s where I saw him.

And I couldn’t help myself from falling. (For him – not on the floor like a klutz. I’m very coordinated.)

Unfortunately, he didn’t fall.

Like for me or on me. Either one would work, honestly.

But I’d really prefer both.

*nods head* ‘cause I’m sure we’d all agree; right, ladies? And as Bella discusses her biological study specimen, with her best friend Alice, they try to decide:

“Geez…is he for real?” she asks in awe. “He can’t be human.” . . .

Edward glides through the water, muscles rippling and stretching, every stroke long and strong.

Fuck. Me. This is water porn.

“Bella? I think you’re drooling.” Yeah, I’m wet somewhere…but it’s not my chin.

I shrug. “I freely admit that his ass is fine. Though his abs and crotch deserve to be cradled with the same care and adoration. His speedo is like a frame on a work of art.”

“You have no shame.”

“I am a student of anatomy, Alice. His is flawless. Though I’m going by my observations from a distance. I’d really like to examine him close up,” I say dreamily. “And maybe sniff him.” 

Ah, yes, wouldn’t we all, Bella, but then she’d have to actually meet and get close to him…which may just happen when he comes into the suit shop – Urban Couture – where she works, which so happens to be owned by his aunt Esme Cullen. But I’ll let you read that for yourself, and see what happens when Bella fits Speedoward for a suit! Not only is it funny but…Edward is a suit? *swoon* …what I wouldn’t give to be the one measuring Edward’s long inseam. *grins* Enjoy!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9562781/1/Suit-Up#

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*Reviews by Cared*

Both of my rec’s today are Oldies but Goldies that I’m excited to share with the newer members of the fandom. They make me laugh as much today as when I read them as WIPs – I can’t give a better recommendation than that!

How to Win Back the Love of Your Existence by Missypooh

*Made by Salix Caprea*

How to Win Back the Love of Your Existence ~ It’s 4 years after Edward leaves Bella. There are no werewolves. Bella & Jake were never more than friends. Bella has grown up, graduated from College, has a boyfriend & is moving back to Seattle to attend Law School when her path crosses Edward’s. EPOV

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella & Edward – Chapters: 47 – Words: 124,122 – Reviews: 3,474 – Favs: 1,831 – Follows: 936 – Updated: 08-06-10 – Published: 03-23-10 – Status: Complete – id: 5838734

This funny, sweet story is set four years after vampire Edward left Bella so she would have a chance at a normal, happy, human life.

Edward is still opinionated, uptight, sexually repressed and old-fashioned; he believes only he knows what’s best for Bella, but there is no denying he is also a gentleman and utterly adorable. Of course, he is still completely captivated by Bella – the love of his existence.

They meet in an airport purely by chance while waiting to board the same plane. Unfortunately for Edward and his broken, dead heart, Bella has moved on with her life as he requested, and upon landing, he is forced to witness her reunion with her live-in boyfriend.  Needless to say, 112-year-old Edward considers said doctor boyfriend to be too old and unworthy…in fact, he believes him to be a sexual deviant guilty of corrupting naive Bella, and will allow it to continue over his already dead body!  It’s a more palatable option for him than to believe his innocent Bella enjoys a sex life outside marriage.  Poor clueless Edward!

Edward justifies inserting himself back into her life as he believes Bella once again needs to be saved, and naturally he is the man…err…vampire for the job. There is only one way for him to do that – he needs to win back the love of his existence.  Poor hapless Edward!

I’d be remiss not to mention the hindrance help given by the Cullen family.  Who needs the Kama Sutra when Emmett had a Dr. Ruth persona buried inside just waiting for the opportunity to burst forth with advice of a sexual nature? LOL

I sigh in resignation.

Edward, believe it or not Emmett does know what he’s talking about. He has even given me good pointers. Listen to him. Jasper’s thoughts surprise me as I had never imagined Jasper wanting or needing advice in that area. Wow, I guess I am lucky I am learning from an expert, I think wryly. 

“Now you have two primary areas you have to simultaneously focus upon. The first is the clit, or as I like to call it her love button. Do you know what that is?”

“Yes,” I huff. “It is slang for the clitoris which is…”

“Please Edward spare us the medical lecture. And for god’s sakes definitely spare Bella the lecture. You will have a better chance in Orlando of eating Minnie Mouse’s pussy than Bella’s if you start spouting that medical jargon crap.”

“Where was I?”

“Now, the second area that is going to require a lot of attention is her… vagina. Emmett’s thoughts reveal pride in his using the correct term. “Or as I like to call it her honey pot.” Emmett is mentally congratulating himself for cleaning up his language. See Edward you don’t have the monopoly on being a gentleman.

“To make sure we understand each other, Jasper is going to show you a picture so you can use your finger and visualize as I describe the steps that should be followed.” And with vampire speed, there is a picture of a naked woman with her legs and labia spread for all of the world to see. I don’t think I have ever been so mortified…except maybe after my unfortunate bookstore incident.

“Okay, touch the love button.” I mumble “idiot” but touch it as I figure that is the quickest way to get through this part. “Very good. Now the honey pot.” I trace a circle around the entrance of the woman’s vagina. “Excellent. Now let’s talk about a woman’s juices.”

*Made by Squarepancake*

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5838734/1/How-to-Win-Back-the-Love-of-Your-Existence

For further shenanigans from this crazy gang, read the sequel – very eloquently entitled – How to Get Your Balls Back!

*Made by Salix Caprea*

How to Get Your Balls Back ~ It’s been nearly two years since we last saw the recently engaged Bella and Edward. The proverbial honeymoon period of their relationship is coming to an end and with that, some deep seated problems with their relationship are starting to surface. Edward has a hard time telling Bella no–even when he should. Throw in some of those other things that all couples have to get over, i.e. jealousy inducing admirers, differing tastes in music and politics, horny bisexual friends, and a fight for dominance in the bedroom, and you have the background in which Edward is going to have to figure out HOW TO GET YOUR BALLS BACK. EPOV.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Edward & Bella – Chapters: 21 – Words: 59,098 – Reviews: 1,562 – Favs: 742 – Follows: 586 – Updated: 05-27-11 – Published: 09-02-10 – Status: Complete – id: 6292785

I have moved closer to Bella during our exchange. She stands up quickly and raises her hand. I realize she is intent on slapping me. 

I catch her right hand easily before it even comes close to my face. I hang onto her wrist and bend down, speaking through clenched teeth. “Don’t try that again, or you’ll regret it, Bella.” 

Her eyes widen, and I watch them glaze over with lust. We are both breathing heavy. She suddenly launches herself at me, wrapping her free arm around my neck and pulling me toward her, kissing me unabashedly. I pull back, and after briefly gazing at her swollen lips and hooded eyes, shove her down onto the bed.

Bella and I have never had angry sex, but unless I am mistaken, that is about to change.

Oh Edward! Be still my beating heart!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6292785/1/How-to-Get-Your-Balls-Back

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Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner

*Made by Debussy*

Midnight Desire ~ An All Human parody of Midnight Sun. AH, AU and consequently OOC. No blood lust – just uncontrollable human lust. Smut filled fun . . .

Rated: Fiction M – English – Parody/Romance – Edward & Bella – Chapters: 26 – Words: 89,654 – Reviews: 5,281 – Favs: 6,649 – Follows: 3,264 – Updated: 07-01-10 – Published: 07-13-08 – Status: Complete – id: 4392180

A/N: It was said of early vampire books and movies that vampirism was simply a thinly disguised substitute for sex. Back in the day, the entire genre was considered extremely risqué. With that in mind, this is an ALL HUMAN parody of Midnight Sun replacing all the vampirism with sexuality – no blood lust – just extreme human lust. Serious SMUT warning. You have been warned . . .


This story is written with tongue firmly in cheek – metaphorically speaking, that is. You will get a giggle from this highly irreverent parody if you leave your standard fic expectations behind and allow yourself to see the world through the eyes of an extremely horny 17-year-old boy.

This sweet Edward is both academically gifted and privileged; he prides himself on being in control of his life and body…that is until a beautiful, caring and enthralling new student arrives in town.

Imagine if you will, how the Biology Room scene would have played out with Edward’s bloodlust replaced by plain old human lust…

My mind grasped all this in a moment, and my body involuntarily started reacting at the same time. For the first time in my life, I was instantly and fully aroused by the mere glimpse of a woman. I couldn’t believe it. It was intolerable—unacceptable—and utterly humiliating. I simply couldn’t feel this way. But here I was, sitting in class suddenly finding myself with a raging erection. I moved my chair closer to the desk in terror that someone would notice, my hands convulsively gripping the edge of the wood. Apparently I was unable to smooth the stunned and horrified expression from my face before Bella sat down next to me, because whatever word of polite greeting she was about to say died on her lips, and she looked quickly away. She flipped her hair over her shoulder to give herself something to hide behind. She must have thought I was deranged. I felt like I was.

The look of apprehension in her eyes as she sat down had simply added to her appeal. She carried herself with an alluring sense of vulnerability. It ignited some primitive yet indefinable response deep within me. Her delicious scent also called to me—she smelled like ripe strawberries. It intoxicated my senses. The blood pulsed in my groin and I bit my lip to prevent myself from groaning aloud. This was ridiculous! How could this nothing, this woman-child, affect me so much?

I wanted to push my chair back from the desk so I could look at her surreptitiously, but I was afraid doing so might expose my…lack of control. There was no way I could study her to my satisfaction sitting right next to her—it would be far too obvious. Eventually I grabbed a binder and strategically positioned it in my lap, allowing me to hide my condition as I pushed my chair away from the desk. I could then at least drink in certain parts of her anatomy without notice.

Her chestnut hair was long—almost to her waist. It looked thick and silky and I yearned to touch it, longed to grab a fistful of it to position her head just so. Her fingers were delicate, and I couldn’t help imagining what they would feel like wrapped around a certain part of my now unpredictable anatomy. I bit my bottom lip again, practically drawing blood this time. The skin of her arms looked pale and soft and so womanly. From my current vantage point, I could see the full curve of one breast, straining against the fabric of her T-shirt. I closed my eyes and visualized the sensitive pink nipple that would adorn the peak, my tongue persuading it to come to full life in my adoring mouth. My eyes traveled down to her slim waist, and I imagined my hands grasping her to me, sliding down to her perfect rear, and pressing her into my erection. I had to catch myself before my breathing became labored. I glanced quickly around the room to see if anyone noticed my discomposure.

Now that I had memorized what I could see of her, my mind took a darker path. What would it take, I wondered, to get Isabella Swan to be alone with me? Could I use those good looks I so often disdained to lure her away? It wasn’t rape that I was thinking of—that held no appeal for me whatsoever. But thoughts of…seduction—yes, seduction, that was it—filled my mind. Not taking her against her will, but bending her to my will. I visualized myself holding her wrists above her head in one hand, while my other hand and my mouth elicited involuntary moans and gasps of pleasure, her body helplessly writhing under mine—all intellect and reason lost in sensation. I would fill her completely, and she would scream my name at her ecstatic release. My groin pulsed and I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

I suddenly felt like a monster. I was insane. That was the only explanation. I had somehow, and for no apparent reason, simply gone insane in the last forty-five minutes. I would undoubtedly need to be committed. How had I gone from an almost asexual creature to a raving fiend in one afternoon? Class was almost over—thank you God. I hadn’t heard a single word that was said—not that it really mattered. I had to get out of here. I had to get away from Isabella Swan. She flipped her hair off of her shoulder and her luscious scent hit me again. Was she taunting me? My flagging erection stood at full mast again.

Edward’s inner monologue and the various ridiculous – completely ineffective – plans that he repeatedly forms, not to mention his endless sexual fantasies, are chuckle worthy as he is forced to take matters into his own hands – pun definitely intended! Their amusement value is only surpassed by that of the adorable and determined Monster. When I read this as a WIP, he had his own fan club, deservedly so, as the long-suffering Monster may nearly lose his mind at times but he never loses his sense of humour.

Midnight Desire is not only funny; it’s also sweet and romantic, and, IMHO, very cleverly written, giving the reader an all-around fun and enjoyable read.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4392180/1/Midnight-Desire

Note: The continuation or “extras” from Midnight Desire is called RPG’s (Role Playing Games ;)) – link is here.

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Now that we’ve shared what makes us laugh and smile as we read, we’d love it if you’d tell us what fics make you laugh out loud!

The FicSix

*what a beautiful sight indeed*

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Monday Madness ~ Robert in Wonderland – Part 2

RobsFan~tasy

Rob in Wonderland – Part 2

Rob stared at the now empty branch where the Cheshire Cat had just been.

Obviously, the only way he was ever going to find RF and get out of this crazy, mixed-up place was to take the Cat’s advice and talk to the mad hatter, he headed down the road marked “The Mad Hatter.”

He’d only gone a little ways when he heard angry words between the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. It was a ridiculous argument over “Why was a Raven like a Writing Desk?”

Rob wanted no part of that so he took a detour down a different road marked “The Queen’s Palace.” Being British, and accustomed to a Monarchy, he hoped the Queen could help him find RF.

Just inside the palace gates (attended by a sleeping guard), Rob was stunned to hear RF’s voice and it sounded like she was in trouble. He started running…

“This is the last straw! I’ve put up with a lot of crazy today! First I lose Rob, then I end up here playing an absurd game of croquet, and now the Queen wants me beheaded! Well, I don’t care what the Queen says….get your hands off me!”

“OFF With HER HEAD!” cried the Queen in the distance.

“The Queen demands we take off your head!” they cried, trying to grab her.

“RF! What the hell is going on here?” Rob says, running towards her. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you…you wouldn’t believe what I’ve gone through!”

“Oh, believe me, I’ve had my hands full, as well! What happened, Rob? How did we end up here? Please…help me deal with these idiots so we can get out of here!” RF pleads.

They both set about knocking the cards down and as the cards try to shuffle back into place RF and Rob run away to safety.

Rob stops her by the rose bushes for a moment to hug her cause he’s so glad he found her. “I thought I’d never see you again!”

“We don’t have time for this…do you know the way out?”

“No, but I was told to look for someone called the Mad Hatter. Maybe he can help.”

Mad Hatter pops out from behind the giant mushroom “Did I hear someone call my name?”

“Yes, the Caterpillar told me you might be able to help us! Do you know how we can get home?”

“Pardon our manners, I’m RF and this is Rob. We’d really appreciate any help you could give us!”

“Well, now! As it turns out, I’m having a tea party. You should attend! I’m sure one of my guests might have a suggestion. It’s worth a try, don’t you think? Of course, you’ll have to shrink before we get there or you won’t fit at the table heheheh!”

“RF, we can do this! I have some kind of weird mushroom in my pocket that will shrink us. Wanna go for it?”

“At this point, what do we have to lose?”

They each take a bite and shrink.

The Mad Hatter carries them on his hat back to his Tea Party table.

Then they ate a bite from the mushroom in Rob’s other pocket and returned to their normal size where they joined in the festivities at the Tea Party.

And a merry gathering it is.

The White Mouse knows the way out, but demands a song from RF first!

“OK! We’ve done all you’ve asked of us, now please tell us how to get home!”

” Why, there’s nothing to it, really! All you have to do to go back together is hold hands {Rob and RF hold hands}…close your eyes {Rob and RF close their eyes} say ‘Off to My Bed’…an​d count backwards from 100!”

“100…99..​.98…97..​.96…” they say together.

Then they open their eyes in RF’s bedroom at the RA Mansion! RF and Rob giggle as they close the bedroom door.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥  

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  ♥ 

 

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Much Love to you all,

RobsFan~tasy

I have to extend a Super HUGE Awesome THANK YOU To Mississippibellalis for making all the above “Rob in Wonderland” manips and gifs with Rob and RF in them. Her edits and graphic work helped inspire this post and as you can see She has an awesome Talent! Thank You Missi, It was a Pleasure working with you! A Special thanks also to Rita for help with the story line. You’s Da Best BB!!

Monday Madness ~ Mad about the DERP!

RobsFan~tasy

Hey, hey, hey! I’m baaack, BB’s!!!

Been out forever trolling for RobGoodness and post ideas that are NOT like everyone elses!! It’s a dirty job down there in the RobGutter, but somebody has to do it, right? heheh!!

As you all know, the RA tag line is “Because he gives us a reason to Smile.” Well, with the following pics, I’m sure we will all be able to say “Because he makes us LOL!!”

Rob can be the Sexiest Beast out there, and that’s a part of his attraction, but honestly girls, it’s his ability to be completely Adorkable and Dorkalicious that draws me in just as much! Here’s the proof!

Hahahaha! I caught you! You’re all grinning just as big as Rob is, aren’t ya?

Rob’s adorkability knows no bounds…

He’s cute and cuddly and you just wanna smoosh him in a big hug, but we can’t, cause he keeps us LOLing all the time.

Only Rob could step outside looking like a homeless perv and still manage to look sooo Adorkable and Lovable!

WHOA! Rob is Excited! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did “ME” just goose him, hmmm?

I think he just did a little bit in his pants LOL!

Did one of his pervy fans just flash her boobs at him? *gigglesnort!*

Musta been a nice looking girl!

Oh, Rob! We all know you can play better than that!

With all the funny signs his fans hold up during the premiers, I can just imagine what he’s caught a glimpse of!

Oh, you’ve seen them all before? Nothing original?

Oh no you didn’t just post that picture!

Uh…sorry Rob but yeah I did!

Either Rob’s about to sneeze, or that’s his “O” face!

What’s got you so giggly, Rob?

“I have no idea!”

“Cedric! Get to the cup!”

“…Give me a kiss, From that Elvis lip, You don’t wanna miss this…” { a line from Sugarland song, All I Want to Do}

And this would probably be his exact reaction if I ever got close enough to say that to him! LOL

The Vogue, Rob? Really??

I fall off my chair laughing every time I see this one. I happens to him a lot LMAO!!

Being you is exhausting, isn’t it?

“You have no idea!”

Did you forget what the square root of Pi is, Rob?

“I forgot everything I learned in school!”

Biceps and Grins are all kinds of WIN!!! So, Rob, did you like my post?

Ummm, welll….eeerrrr…

Dohhh!

Oh well, I tried.

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL,

RobsFan~tasy

Monday Madness ~ just for shizz and giggles

RobsFan~tasy

❤

Hello my Lovelies! Well 2 more days and it will be Halloween here in the States. It made me realize I hadn’t posted Anything Halloween related. WTF is wrong with me? I Love Halloween! That means it’s time for some scary shizz and a few giggly treats right?  I thought about it being the End of The Twilight Saga…*nope didn’t want to go there! *wipes away tear*Not ready to say good-bye just yet*

Let’s Start with some scary shizz awwight?

Well you should be afraid because I went Trolling for some current Halloween Rob porn I could use and saw something Truly Frightening…

NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!! Not my Edward you don’t!!!!

Don’t make me have to hurt you Abe!!!! We “Protect The Pretty” ’round here so just Back off Dude!

If you thought your vampires were bad, trust me when I say You don’t want 50 million screaming fan girls coming after you! We will make your Vampires look like a pack of Care Bears! LOL

ummm. Don’t ask me why he’s dripping blood from his hiny cuz IDEWTK!!! Ewwww

I just couldn’t get away from Abe’s Evil Plot to destroy our Boyfriend. Everywhere I turned I found shizz like this…

RUN EDWARD RUN!!!!

As if this wasn’t silly enough…

Somebody has too much time on their hands!!

Oh somebody had to put a stop to this!!!

*warning: this has a little bit of blood and gore in it* just saying…

Ok this was getting Ridiculous! Why was everyone wanting Abe to kill MY Man!?!?!?!?

They were making Abe out to be some kind of major Bad ass out for Edward’s erm…blood?

But I knew There had to be an End to this somewhere…. Then I saw this….

Looks like this is one Battle Abe looses!!

bahahah THIS is so NOT where this post was going when I started it but it is What it is BBz! Hope you enjoyed it anyway Cuz, We all go a little mad sometimes!

Much Love to you all,

Mwah!

 

RobsFan~tasy

Monday Madness ~ Thrill Me Thursday 4 of 4 posts!

I darted into a dark alley. With every heartbeat, I knew he was growing closer and closer, so I took another step back, farther and farther into the alley. I realized with sudden horror that this was the very same alley he had come from earlier today. I spun around, horrified to find large egg shaped shell thingies all over the alley. Large enough to hold a human being. Large enough to hold a man! One of the pods made a cracking noise and I plastered myself against the wall, away from it. A neon green light appeared over the pod, illuminating it enough for me to see what was happening all too clearly. I couldn’t believe my eyes!

This is where they were coming from! When one of the Robs was revealed to the waist, I just couldn’t look anymore. I turned my head away, coming face-to-face with the source of the neon green light. It hung in mid-air over the “new Rob” and it was looking directly at me!

 

I could hear myself screaming, my heart racing…

~ o ~

I sat bolt upright…safe in my own bed! It was a dream! It was all just a dream! I wrapped my arms around my knees and couldn’t resist the urge to laugh at myself! WTF was I so scared of? It was every Rob girl’s dream to have Rob all to herself and I had just dreamed up the perfect scenario! I laughed again at the memory of the dream.

“Honey, you all right in there?” I heard my husband call from the bathroom.

“Yeah, babe…just another wild and weird dream from my overactive imagination,” I told him as he sauntered out of the bathroom and  stepped up to the bed.  A large towel was wrapped loosely around his waist while he rubbed his head with another one to dry his wet hair.

“Was I in this dream?” he asked.

I looked up and smiled at him as he removed the towel from his head and wrapped it around his neck. I caught a glimpse of myself in the dresser mirror. I was stunned at my husbands “New Look.” And then, I saw my reflection grin wickedly back at me. I tore the towel from around his waist and tossed it across the room. Quickly grabbing both ends of the towel around his neck, I giggled as I pulled him down onto the bed with me.

“Nah, babe. This dream was about aliens,” I told him.

~O~

Have you Checked your husband/Boyfriend lately???????? Bwahahahahaha

Hope you all Enjoyed my little foray into Madness this week!

Much Love to you all,

Mwah!

 RobsFan~tasy

                                             “We all go a little Mad sometimes.”

Monday Madness ~ Thrill Me Thursday 4series Post. Part 3!

At first I saw only women. Two at the registers, one at the service desk, a few female customers and then I turned down one of the aisles and there he was. A very young Rob looking just like he did in “How to Be”. It stunned me for a moment to see such a young Rob and I just stared at him. He didn’t seem to notice me, he was too involved in his work so I quietly walked away.

I had to get a newspaper and get back to Rita. I shoved the money into the machine and pulled out the paper.

I flipped the front page over to reveal this eyewitness sketch of his eyes,

Apparently the eyewitness had been so captivated by his eyes that she hadn’t gotten any farther than that! Yeah, I knew that feeling all too well! This explained enough of what was going on to send me high-tailing it back to Rita’s office. Ever get that feeling up your spine like you were being watched…maybe even followed?  I stopped at the corner and casually turned to look behind me and there, a little ways back, was the alley Rob coming right at me, still looking pissed! All the other Robs had been really nice, so why did this one want to hurt me? Was it because I saw him coming out of the alley? I saw him straightening his clothes…had he mugged someone? Was he afraid I knew? I panicked and ran out into the street to get away from him and was almost plowed down by a car. I looked frantically about and the only refuge I saw was a Catholic church across the street. I made a beeline for the door and burst inside, almost reaching the front before I turned to watch the doors anxiously.

“Ah, lass. Is there something I can do for ya, now?” I heard that familiar voice  say behind me.

I knew my mouth was working, but no sound was coming out of it.

“There, there, lass. It’ll be all right. Let’s have a seat now, shall we, and tell me what it be that has ya so worked up,” he said, patting me on the shoulder. This Rob was stunning in his kindness and alluring with his accent. He seemed much safer than alley Rob, in any case.

“I’m being followed!” I blurted out in a panic.

“Is that so? And what did this person look like?” he asked gently.

“Uh, well, he looks a little like you, but kind of wild and angry looking.” I replied, not at all sure what he would do. Being a man of the cloth, I decided to risk it, but then again, if the paper was right, he wasn’t a man at all, was he? So then, his oath as a Catholic priest meant nothing, right?

“Really now?” he said with a chuckle.

“Yes. Father.  Would you mind looking outside to see if he’s still there?” I asked.

“Not at’ll, lass. Why don’t you have a seat and rest for a moment. You look a wee bit frazzled. I’ll be back. You say he looks like myself?” he queried.

“Yes, but his hair is all messy…in an attractive kind of way, and he’s wearing a black shirt and a light gray jacket.” I told him, still stunned to find myself talking to Rob, knowing all the while it wasn’t really Rob at all…not to mention he was a priest, of all things! Leave it to me, when every man on earth turns into Rob, I’d wind up with a priest! I watched him walk away, unable to help myself from admiring him, then admonishing myself for perving over a priest while I sat in the heart of the Catholic Church! Oh, I was so going to Hell!  I clutched the newspaper to my chest, afraid he might see it and make the connection. Anxiously waiting for him to return, a part of me was terrified that priest Rob would return with alley Rob and half a dozen other Robs to do away with me! I could see tomorrow’s headline: “LOCAL WOMAN LOOSES MIND, THEN VANISHES”

Priest Rob returned, walking slowly with his hands clasped behind his back. He was smiling at me like you’d smile at an elderly person with senility.

“There be no one out there fittin’ that description, lass,” he stated.

Not sure I was safe anywhere, my only voice of reason, the only person who knew for certain that I wasn’t losing my mind, was Rita.  I needed to get back to her!

“Well, I’m sorry I bothered you, Father. Perhaps I was mistaken. I’ve had a rather unusual morning. Um, I’ll just be going now.  Thank you so much for your kindness,” I said.

The whole time, I was sidling past him, clutching the newspaper and backing away towards the doors I had entered through.

“No bother at’ll, Lass. God Bless you!” he said, turning and walking back into the church.

Oh, this didn’t make any sense at all! I rushed out the door, taking just a moment on the steps to check for alley Rob.  I didn’t see him anywhere so I ran the rest of the way back to Rita’s office. I couldn’t wait to sit down and go over the paper with her and find out what the feck was really going on. Aliens? For reals? Rob Aliens?? What did they want?

As the elevator doors opened on her floor, I made my way to Rita’s desk only to find she wasn’t there! Oh no! I scanned the tops of the cubicles but I couldn’t see anything. Then I heard her familiar laugh and followed the sound…to Gary’s cubicle! She was sitting on his lap! The traitor!

“RITA! What are you doing?” I yelled at her.

Gary/Rob swiveled his chair around, with Rita still on his lap, and they both grinned at me.

“Oh! Hi, RF! It’s all good, BB!” she giggled.

I didn’t know what to do or say. I guess I was completely on my own now. I turned and ran for the elevator.

“You go, girl! Get yours!” she trilled after me.

Just as the elevator doors closed, I heard her squeal with delight! Or was that actually a squee? Back on the street, I ran to my car, climbed in and locked all the doors. I took off not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do. Since I hadn’t had time to read the paper and couldn’t read it while I was driving, I turned the radio on. If aliens had truly invaded, surely it would be on the local news. Of course, the voice over the radio was a familiar one. Not as familiar as in the voice I heard every day on the radio, but familiar as in…it was Rob’s voice reporting the news. I could just picture him there in the radio station now.

“Yes, it’s true! Aliens have landed right here on Earth. According to their spokes…uh, person, they have been studying us for a while now, focusing mostly on the women of our planet because there are no females where they come from. They find our women a most interesting subject and, in studying them, they found that the consensus among them was that their men were neither as romantic, handsome, or adoring as they wanted them to be. The aliens have a very unobtrusive way of reading women’s minds and discovered that nine out of ten women found the actor, Robert Pattinson, to be the most attractive, sexiest man alive. They admired everything about him and he seemed to possess the very things their men lacked. So, purely as a study, these “aliens” set about transforming the men of this planet into Robert Pattinson look-a-likes. They look like him, act like him, talk like him, and they have included every character Mr. Pattinson has played in the movie industry so that there would be a variety for our women to choose from. Apparently, some women preferred Jacob Jankowski, while others preferred the more sexually voracious Georges DuRoy.  Still others preferred the original Edward Cullen character. The men are thrilled because now their women are perving over them instead of the movie star.

“How does the real Robert Pattinson feel about all this, you might ask yourself. Well, we managed to contact him and this was his response…

“YEAH! Are you serious? I love it! Now I can go anywhere and do anything without worrying about the fuckin’ paps hounding me, or hordes of screaming fan girls mobbing me! Now, everyone has their own R-Pattz they can live out their fantasies with! I ain’t even mad!”

Well, that sounded like something the real Rob would say! Typical word vomit! I pulled the car over and parked. I was only a few blocks from the office, so I decided to go back and talk to Rita again. That is, if I could pull her away from “Gary”! I got out of the car and started walking. I wasn’t sure how I felt about all of this. Was it really such a bad thing? Women all over the world were having their greatest wish fulfilled! Starting to feel slightly better, I looked up to see just how many “men” were left in the city and how many had already been transformed into one Rob or another. I was momentarily stunned and frozen in place to see Rome Rob across the street. Oh, God! He was definitely giving me the “come hither” look.

 

I glanced around to make sure it was me he was looking at and I was right! He nodded his head for me to cross the street towards him and I could feel the blush fill my cheeks. Before I even had time to think, alley Rob caught my attention. He was a little further down the road and hadn’t seen me yet. I didn’t know why he was so angry, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

To be CONCLUDED Tomorrow!!!

Much Love to you all,

RobsFan~tasy

Monday Madness ~ Thrill Me Thursday 4 part post. Part 2!

Ok I’m back with part 2! Enjoy!

What to do? What to do? I drove for a long time, my mind racing, not paying attention to where I was going. All I wanted to do was get away for a few minutes to think without any Robs in my line of sight. I soon found myself on some country road just outside the city limits. It was the safest place to be if I wanted to avoid people, especially men. As I drove along, my mind racing, trying to find some rational explanation, I noticed someone walking up ahead…a hitchhiker, maybe? I never picked them up and I wasn’t planning to now. As I passed him, I wasn’t sure if I’d been expecting it, or afraid of it, but even the hitchhiker looked like Rob.

 

A part of me wanted to stop and pick up this “Rob-a-like” hitchhiker but I was too damned scared. The funny thing was that I didn’t know what I was afraid of most…all the Robs, or the fact that I was surely losing my mind. With a final glance in my rearview mirror at the gorgeous Rob hitchhiker and, admittedly, a small sigh of regret, I knew what I had to do. I headed back into town to check myself into the hospital. The closer I got to town, the less sure I was that I could actually do this, especially not under the term ‘mental illness’. One thing was for sure, if there was a voice of reason anywhere, I could find it in my other best friend, Rita! I was supposed to be on a week’s vacation from work but I decided to go into the office and see her. No one could pull the wool over Rita’s eyes and she was just as Rob crazy as I was, if not more so. If she wasn’t seeing Rob everywhere, then I’d know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was totally bonkers. I stopped at our favorite coffee shop to buy two very strong coffee’s cause, one way or another, one of us was going to need it! I approached the counter and placed my order as I dug through my purse for money. I was running the conversation I was about have with Rita through my head, trying to figure out how to tell her that either I was crazy or…or…or what? There was no other explanation for it. Oh, well. At least I could tell her good-bye before they carted me off to the looney bin.

“That’ll be four dollars, ma’am,” I heard the cashier say. I finally found my wallet at the bottom of my bag and handed him a five.

By now, I wasn’t even surprised to see another Rob! I swear, if I wasn’t going insane and terrified of what that meant, I’d be thrilled to see all these gorgeous Rob’s running around. As it was, though, I grabbed the two coffees and left.

On my way up in the elevator, I still hadn’t decided how to tell Rita I’d developed a serious case of Rob-delusion. She’d never believe me. I refused to look at anyone on my way to her cubicle, afraid of what I would see. I sat her coffee on her desk, gaining her attention.

“Rita, I need your help,” I said, sitting on the corner of her desk.

“RF, what are you doing here?” she asked, looking up.

“I think I am going insane,” I replied.  She was used to my dramatics by now so the statement was no surprise to her.

“Speaking of insane, did you see the new intern on your way in? He looks just exactly like Rob!” she grinned, with a wink.

“What?”I exclaimed. I’d just about convinced myself that I was going insane and, by now, I had really just come to tell her good-bye.

“Yeah! Come on, I’ll introduce you,” she said, grabbing me by the wrist and dragging me down to his cubicle. She was completely ignoring my protests.

“Gary, I’d like you to meet RF. RF this is Gary the new intern,” she said beaming.

“Hey, RF! It’s nice to meet you!” he said, extending his hand.

Knowing Rita was seeing him, too, made me realize I wasn’t the one who was wrong… they were! All of them. They were perfect replicas of Rob and yet their very existence was wrong. Fascinated, but still a little afraid for different reasons, I shied away from his touch and stood slightly behind my friend.

“Hey, Gary. You been in town long?” I asked shyly.

“Uh, no,” he said awkwardly. Not knowing what to do with his offered and rejected hand, he let it drop. “I actually just got here.”

“You…you look a little familiar. Where,… Where are you from?” I asked. Rita snorted when I’d said he looked a little familiar.

“Oh, here and there. I’ve been all over the place, lately.”

I literally choked at that statement. When I had regained my composure, I made my excuses to get away.

“Um, nice to meet you Ro…err…Gary. If you’ll excuse us, I really need to talk to Rita a…about a new project.” I said, pushing her back in the direction of her cubicle since she was too busy laughing at me for almost calling him Rob to care.

“Is anyone else seeing this?” I asked, once we were back in her cubicle.

“What, the fact that ‘RobsFan~tasy’ is too shy to touch a Rob-a-like? I doubt it!” she giggled.

“No, damn it! The fact that there is a sudden explosion of Rob-a-likes everywhere!” I whispered very loudly.

“What are you talking about?”

“The UPS man, the mailman, the crazy old man down the street, the fire men, the paramedics. Carrie’s son Thomas, they all look just like Rob!”

“You’re loosin’ it, girlfriend. You’re spending too much time on your RobPorn…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too until you introduced me to Gary over there as a Roba-like. That means you see them too!”

“C’mon RF, I’ve met Thomas too! He doesn’t look anything like Rob!” she said.

It was obvious she thought I was trying to pull a fast one on her. I wasn’t opposed to the occasional practical joke, but there is no way I could pull this off!

“He does now!” I said emphatically.

“I think you need this vacation more than we thought. Why don’t you go home, get some rest, and stay away from RobPorn for a while, okay?” Rita advised.

“Okay, I will if you can tell me honestly… have you seen any other Rob-a-likes today?”

“No, of course not!” she said adamantly.

“Excuse me, ladies,” came a very familiar voice from behind us.

We turned to see a very young janitor reaching for Rita’s trash can.

He looked like a very young Rob… like Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire. I watched with a smile as he emptied the paper from Rita’s trash can and then returned the can to its place beside her desk. After he walked away, I reached across her desk, put my hand under her chin, and closed her mouth for her. I knew exactly how she felt.

“Believe me now?” I asked.

When she finally regained her composure, we talked for a while about what to do. Rita couldn’t leave her desk or she’d lose her job, so we agreed I would walk to the grocery store a few blocks away to get a newspaper and see if there was anything in the news about all the Robs. In the meantime, I would keep my eyes peeled for any more Rob-a-likes. After I got the afternoon edition of the newspaper, I would return to her office and we’d take it from there.

As I walked down the street to the store, I kept reminding myself to smile and be polite if I saw any Rob-a-likes. There was no point in drawing attention to myself until we found out what the feck was going on. I was doing pretty well until I happened to be looking in just the right spot at just the right time. I looked up and saw a Rob-a-like coming out of an alley. He was straightening his clothes as though he’d just gotten dressed. I must have looked startled because he looked right at me and frowned as he began walking purposefully towards me.

 

He continued to stare straight at me, all the while getting closer and closer. I panicked and darted across the street to get away from him. I managed not to look behind me until I was safely just outside the grocery store. If he was there, I was going to rush inside and call the police, telling them I was being followed. Taking a deep breath and working up the courage, I turned to look for him but he was gone. I sighed with relief, deciding to go into the store anyway and see if there were any more Robs before I bought a newspaper from the newsstand.

…To be continued tomorrow…

Much love to you all,

RobsFan~tasy

Monday Madness~Thrill Me Thursday 4 Part Series Part 1!

A/N:  This is the kind of weirdness you get from chatting with Rita! Once one of us gets an “ah ha” idea, the other one eggs it on like you wouldn’t believe! Well, here…lemme show you what that crazy woman double-dog dared me to do!

It was a day like any other…or so it seemed this beautiful autumn morning. I woke up, stretched, yawned, and dealt with a few essential human moments before getting dressed. Satisfied that I looked my best, I headed to the kitchen, my heart set on an omelet for breakfast. I gathered all the fixings, started the coffee pot and got started on my masterpiece. The bacon was frying, the onions were sautéing and I was chopping up some other ingredients when there was a knock on my door. Hoping it was who I thought it was, I looked out the window on my way to the door and, sure enough, a UPS {United Parcel Service} truck was parked in my driveway.  Yay! I’d ordered a few things on line and had been expecting them to arrive soon and here they were. I knew I’d have to sign for it, so I checked my face in the mirror before answering the door.

“Hi, can I help…” Holy Hell! This guy looked like just like Rob! I don’t mean a Rob look-alike, with subtle differences…no, he looked EXACTLY like Rob!

“Morning, ma’am. I have a delivery for RF?” he looked up at me questioningly. Fuck me sideways! I couldn’t get over how much he looked like a young Rob!

“Uh…yeah, I’m RF,” I stated dumbly. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Robert Pattinson?” I asked as I signed for my packages and handed back his electronic clipboard thingy.

“Robert who?” he asked smirking at me. Oh my!

“Um, never mind. Are you new?” I asked. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever seen the UPS man around here before so I had no way of knowing for sure.

“No, ma’am. I’ve been the UPS man around here for a few years now,” he replied, biting his lip and looking at me appreciatively. Oh man! I was definitely going to have to start ordering more things on line if HE was my delivery man! Hell yeah! RobPorn delivered to my house by living RobPorn? You bet your sweet bippy!

“Okay. Well, thanks!” I said, pretending to shut the door. I couldn’t help myself…I watched that cute little ass in the dark brown slacks walk itself all the way back to the truck!

Sighing as he drove out of sight, I turned away and went back to making breakfast. As soon as I had everything done but the last pan of bacon, I set it to frying before deciding I had time to quickly check the mail. About half way down the sidewalk, I saw the mail truck drive up so I figured I’d just get my mail directly from the driver. The truck stopped at my mailbox while I was still several feet away. As I got closer, I could see that he was digging around in his mail bag. Just as I approached, he turned, saw me standing there, and smiled.

“Good Morning, ma’am. Lovely day, isn’t it?” he said cheerfully, handing over my mail with a fuckhawt smile. What. The. Fuck? I was absolutely spending way too much time perving over Rob! I was seeing him everywhere! The mailman looked like Rob’s Water for Elephants character, Jacob Jankowski!

 

“I…you…” I stammered.

“You all right, ma’am?” he asked in that velvet smooth voice I knew so well.

“Um, yeah…no. I’m fine. It’s just that you look like someone I know, that’s all,” I said trying my damnedest to stay calm.

“Do I? Well, I hope it’s someone you like,” he said with panty melting grin.

“Yeah, you could say that. You’re not my usual mailman. Are you a temp?” I asked.

“No, ma’am. You could say I’m brand new,” he snorted. Somehow I got the impression there was more behind that statement than I knew or that I wanted to know.  “You have a nice day now, ma’am,” he said, climbing back into his truck and driving off. I stood there for a minute trying to clear my head.

Tired. Yeah, that was it…I was just tired. Too many nights without enough sleep, staying up till the wee hours of the morning drooling over RobPorn while trying to come up with some fun ideas for posting on RA, and writing my fic about Rob. That’s all it was…I was thinking about him too much and my brain was tired…exhausted, really. Either that, or I was one French fry short of a Happy Meal! Okay. maybe two!

As I began my walk back to the house, I knew one thing in our neighborhood that would never change. The crazy old man living a few houses down from me watched every movement in the neighborhood through his blinds. He was paranoid and didn’t think anyone could see him through his magic blinds. Every morning when I went out to get my mail, he would be there watching. It had become a habit for me to wave at him and he would instantly shut his blinds as though, if he moved quickly enough, I wouldn’t see him when it was obvious I already had! So, as I neared his house, I looked up from my mail, smiled and waved at…Holy shit! He was there, staring out his blinds, but it wasn’t him…it was a young Rob!!!

This time, though, he didn’t duck behind his blinds and hide. He continued to stare at me, watching my every move. I ducked my head and forced myself to walk very quickly back to my house. My heart pounded out of my chest as I slammed my door shut, locked it, and fell back against it. Rob was everywhere! But that couldn’t be! It was freakin’ impossible! If I wasn’t absolutely certain I was losing my mind, it would be freakin’ awesome, but I was truly going off the deep end! I had to do something! I had to talk to someone! I grabbed my purse and drove down the street to my best friend’s house, hoping to catch her before she left for work. She’d talk some sense into me. She’d tell me I wasn’t losing my mind. She’d find a reasonable explanation.

I did my best not to panic as I made the very short drive to Carrie’s house. “You’re just tired. You’re exhausted, that’s all! Too much Rob over the past two tears. That’s the problem,” I kept telling myself over and over again. I pulled into her driveway and raced to the front door, pounding on it rather than knocking. I shuffled from foot to foot nervously as I waited for her to answer the door. Oh, God! I hope she answers the door! If a Rob answered the door in one of Carrie’s dresses, I’d run from here screaming and never stop! They’d have to lock me up in a padded cell for the rest of my life! I grew more and more anxious at the thought of a Carrie/Rob opening the door. Finally, the front door opened and my heart lunged into my throat. I was flooded with relief when I saw my friend’s familiar face.

“Oh, Carrie! Thank God it’s you!” I sobbed, throwing myself into her arms.

“RF! What in the world is the matter with you? Are you okay?” she gasped at the state I was in. Pulling back to look at me, she searched my face. “No…no, you’re not. Whatever is wrong?” she asked, ushering me inside with an arm around my shoulder.

Sitting at her kitchen table drinking strong Irish coffee with trembling hands, I told Carrie what’d been happening to me. She agreed that I’d been right in thinking that it was just exhaustion. We both concluded that I was imagining it all, spending so much time with all my Rob stuff that I was just overloading and that my mind was playing tricks on me. Feeling much better now that she’d talked some sense into me, I sat and talked to her for a few minutes while she finished making breakfast. A really bad feeling crept up my spine, for some reason.

“RF, would you please go wake up Thomas? Carrie asked, yanking me back out of my thoughts. “I’ve been calling that boy for an hour now and he just will not get up!” she said.

I made my way back to her son’s bedroom and knocked on his door. He was seventeen and a great kid…I liked him a lot. When he didn’t answer my knock, I tried again and slowly opened the door, peeking around it.

“Hey, kiddo. Your mom’s calling you” I said gently. I could see his head was completely covered by the blanket, so I entered the room intending to uncover his face and shake him awake.

“Hey, Thomas! Your mom’s got breakfast ready for you,” I said loudly, pulling the covers off his face. The sight that greeted my eyes made my blood run cold. I’d watched this kid grow up over the past few years, but he was no longer the black haired boy I knew!

He was asleep in Thomas’s bed, his face half covered by his hand, but I’d know that face and those hands anywhere and it was Rob!!!

I ran screaming from my friend’s house, jumped into my car and tore out of her drive way, leaving a bewildered Carrie staring after me from her front door.

I drove as fast as I could back to my house only to find that someone had called the fire department. Oh, God! The bacon! I had left it on! Black smoke was rolling out of my windows and there were firemen with oxygen masks going into my house. As I lunged from my car to try to get into the house, a neighbor lady grabbed me. “Everything is all right. It’s just smoke. They got here before the fire started,” she told me. I was flooded with relief! One of the firemen approached me and removed his mask.

“This your house, Ma’am?” he asked. I just stood there in open-mouthed shock. Even the fireman looked like Rob! I just nodded in response, staring at him like an idiot. I examined the face and characteristics of the fireman Rob. I knew Rob’s every expression, every look…I knew the sound of his voice better than I knew my own. I had seen his face and heard his voice multiple times every day for 2 years now and there was absolutely no difference!

“You really should be more careful, Ma’am. It’s lucky we got here in time. A grease fire can be very dangerous,” he was saying to me.

I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle the hysterical giggle threatening to escape. It was true…I’d lost my mind completely. I was going mad and there was nothing that could stop it.

“Joe,” he hollered, “Call the ambulance! I think she’s in shock or something.”

Joe came from inside my house and removed his facemask. Oh, big surprise! He looked like Rob, too! By now, I was giggling hysterically.

“Going to the hospital? Oh, goody! Maybe they could help before I totally lost my shit! Oh wait, it was too late for that,” I thought and started giggling all over again.

One of the Robs opened my car door and sat me down in the driver’s seat with my legs out of the car while they used their radio to ask for an ambulance. The UPS guy, the mailman, the old man down the street, Thomas, and now these two…all of them looked like Rob, at various different points in his life. Not one of them over the age of twenty six, which was Rob’s current age. I looked around, seeing my neighbor lady talking to fireman Joe and quite obviously enjoying the view. The nameless fireman was looking back at the house, giving directions to the ambulance.

Except for the fact there were so many Robs around, everything else seemed normal. I quickly ran a mental check: I knew my name, age, address, the date and year. Would I know all that, or be this rational, if I was losing my mind? I didn’t think so. Now that I’d had a few minutes to think about it all, I’d calmed down. Something just wasn’t right, but I honestly didn’t think I was the one that was wrong. I quietly pulled my feet into the car and shut the door quickly, locking all four doors with the automatic door locks. The two firemen descended on the car telling me I’d be okay… that I shouldn’t drive in my condition. I paid them no attention and peeled away, leaving hot stripes of black rubber in my wake.

…To be continued… 😛

Much love to you all,

RobsFan~tasy

Wandering…through Twilight Giggles!

It’s the middle of the week and I had the blues. Let me get my harmonica out and play you a tune. Just kidding, but I was in need of some cheering up this week. (Having a pulled muscle for 2 months puts a damper on your life.) But I was in desperate need to kick these feelings. I have a Britpack show (or two) to go to this weekend! Yep, gonna see Marcus Foster perform and I will  update you all next week on the whole adventure. So I headed for tumblr (surprise, surprise) to look at Robporn and get me back to my happy place. What I found had me lit’rally laughing my ass off and I hope you to do too!

Who would have thought Edward was into the gangsta music? Rob, yes. Edward, even more surprising!

That’s funny ’cause I call mine Woody! 😉

Yum.

hehe, Daddy’s not gonna like that!

James, can I get a copy of that?

BURN!

Now that’s what I call an unfortunate head. (snickers)

Oh no he didn’t!

I kind of miss the fake lesbians! lol

And as far as newsworthy, how about the teaser trailer for BD2? It’s definitely a tease!

Now we just need the much anticipated Cosmopolis teaser!

Hope those put a smile on your face! And don’t forget to come back next Wednesday for an update on my Britpack Adventures. Especially since this man was seen out and about in LA yesterday 😉

robsfuturemate

Thanks to Twilight Humor and Iluvmormonvampires for the funnies!

Boo boo’s and Uh-oh’s

RobsFan~tasy

Good Morning Ladies! Y’all know I love the Twilight SeriesRight? Right! If you’re like me you watch one or all of them at least once a week. (Come on now I know I’m Not the only one! I watched New Moon twice last night and I watched Eclipse & Twilight last week. Ok, I watched Eclipse twice!)

Well, that being said, when you watch a show that many times you start to notice things. For instance I’ve only seen BD1 four times (so far) But I noticed the very first time that when they are in Rio, just hours after their wedding, Edward is NOT wearing his wedding ring! WTF? LOL

Ooopsie! No Ring!

and I’m sure you’ve all heard the chatter about how Edward doesn’t sparkle while he’s on Isle Eseme. Now Please know I am not criticizing the movies or anyone working on them, in them, or around them! This kind of thing happens and will always happen! It happened in Ben Hur and in The Wizard of Oz just to name a few! I just find it interesting when I see them and thought you all might too. Of course wth our Beautiful Boy being the main attraction (IMHO) sometimes they go unnoticed so here are a few for you to giggle at. Just click on the pics and they will all be explained.

Ooopsie! No Ring!

This last pic got me. I have always known there was something wrong with Victoria’s death but I could never put my finger on it. When I found this pic I was all excited, finally it would be pointed out to me, but noooo! The one pic that didn’t explain! LOL so after examining it like a “Find the Difference between these two pics” puzzle, I finally fgured it out. Do you see it?

Now I know there’s a ton more “Uh-oh’s” out there for the Twilight series. Do you know of some that are not pictured here? If so show me! I love this stuff! 🙂
Laters Babys,

RobsFan~tasy