Tag Archives: Water for Elephants

Rob Roles

*A Selection of Rob's Roles*

*A Selection of Rob’s Roles*

Let’s roll on through the Summer with Rob Roles.  We are usually all about Edward here on FanFiction Fridays, but this week he has been joined by a few other fascinating characters who we have been kindly introduced to by Rob.  A big, warm welcome to Cedric, Tyler, Art, Eric and Jacob as they make their FFF debut.

Welcome wishes and thanks go to the gorgeous and talented Planetblue for joining us today – it’s a pleasure and honour to have you here.


*Reviews by Cared*


Finding Himself by Minisinoo


Finding Himself ~ The-Boy-Who-Almost-Died has to figure out what it means that he didn’t. Harry’s tumultuous 5th year at Hogwarts is Cedric’s 7th and final. Bound together by shared trauma, both boys fall under Ministry suspicion … Who is Cedric Diggory? Cedric!Lives AU

Rated: Fiction M – English – Suspense/Romance – Cedric D. & Hermione G. – Chapters: 40 – Words: 350,952 – Reviews: 665 – Favs: 1,022 – Follows: 184 – Updated: 11-19-08 – Published: 10-13-08 – Status: Complete – id: 4594634

I’m so excited to share my love of this story with you today…it’s one of my all-time top 5 favourite fics.  Needless to say, the other 4 places are taken by beloved Twilight stories, you know, I even surprised myself by ranking another fic genre so highly.  Now that I think about it, I know why this magnificent novel, yes, novel, for that’s what it is, earned that coveted position.  I was stunned when I first read this story a few years ago, and the feelings invoked by it have not faded from my memory.  I’ve got to be honest here and confess to you, while I read and enjoyed all the Harry Potter books and saw all the films, it was the lure of Cedric that initially drew me to Finding Himself.  Don’t judge me – you cannot deny he was gorgeous in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. LOL


There are many reasons why Finding Himself is one of my favourites, but what stands head and shoulders above the others is the brilliant presentation of the absolutely beautiful love story depicted between Cedric and Hermione. Honestly, it rivals that of Edward and Bella, and in fact, in some ways it’s a lot healthier.  The romance is sweet, can be fun, and as they fall deeply in-love they remain their own people.  I admire the way they grow as individuals as they overcome their problems, and how their friendship with others is also enriched as their relationship develops.  The lemons in this fic are lovely, loving and imperative…as they say, it’s always the quiet ones!  “The Room of Requirement” comes in pretty handy, js.  Maybe I’m wearing rose lemon tinted glasses here because I’m so behind their relationship and truthfully, I’m in love with their love story.  Have a look at their first kiss…

He leaned back in and she really wished he’d just kiss her. She could feel his breath on her lips as he said, “Not in the least. Why do you think I asked you to Hogsmeade? Maybe they’ll leave me alone when they see I’m already very, very…very…taken.”

And she felt his mouth brush hers, faint as butterfly wings. It almost wasn’t a kiss, but it shook her from the roots of her hair to the ends of her toes. Then he was pulling away yet again. “Don’t do that,” she said, reaching out to grip the back of his neck and yank his head down forcefully. This time, there was no almost touch. His mouth hit hers hard; he’d nearly overbalanced and had to recover himself. Then she forgot about books and lockets and nicknames, and everything, really. Cedric Diggory knew how to give a kiss, all lips, a little tongue and complete immersion in the moment. It was very different from kissing Viktor. (And maybe she shouldn’t compare them, but couldn’t help it.)

Viktor had kissed like a Seeker, and she was the Snitch – elusive, precious, delicate . . . but his goal. His passion had overwhelmed, even if she’d never felt pressured to give him more than kisses. She’d felt flattered, swept off her feet, but not quite his equal, really.

Cedric kissed like it was a conversation – give and take, exploratory, sensual, even a bit sloppy because he wasn’t thinking of how it looked, only how it felt. He tried things that might have made her laugh – like sucking her tongue or nibbling her lower lip – but which turned her inside out instead. Cedric kissed like somebody who wanted to be kissed back.

If you are familiar with the Harry Potter series you will recognise Finding Himself as an AU rewrite of the Order of the Phoenix with a different focus and new storylines perfectly interwoven with the original.  In this world, Cedric didn’t die in the graveyard – he was hit by a dreadful debilitating curse that will eventually leave him paralysed.  18 year-old Cedric and the 16 year-old Harry have formed an unlikely friendship as they are forever bound by their shared nightmare encounter with *lowers voice* he who shall not be named.  The usual shenanigans still go on at the Ministry though, and the vile Professor Umbridge, in all her pink-suited glory, is still a sicko – this time Cedric is top of her most-wanted list.  Dumbeldore’s Army is still formed, as is S.P.E.W. – you couldn’t leave out that unfortunately named society.  The history and the ethos of the House of Hufflepuff is shown and it becomes obvious why it’s a House to be proud of…why it’s the House of a Hogwart’s Champion.


If you are not at all familiar with the world of Harry Potter, never mind, you don’t need to be.  Simply enjoy it as a story of “coming of age” set against the backdrop of a tumultuous time in the world, a time of parallel crises for both Muggles* and wizards.  A classic love story of two young people who hail from completely different backgrounds.  It’s about friendships and family bonds, and standing up for who and what you believe in.  It’s the tale of a noble young man hit by personal tragedy, falling in-love for the first time, being challenged to do the right thing…it’s the story of a young man Finding Himself.

*non-magical people

Story trailer video by Handmaiden Ande


Sequel can be found here, and one-shots here and here.



Infinite Visibility by TheFicChick


Infinite Visibility ~ “Bella, I’m not perfect.” “I’ve loved perfect before, and he broke me anyway.” (A “Twilight”/”Remember Me” crossover.)

Rated: Fiction M – English – Drama – Chapters: 8 – Words: 45,297 – Reviews: 590 – Favs: 330 – Follows: 455 – Updated: 07-07-13 – Published: 04-13-13 – id: 9198986

Infinite Visibility

We’ll let blood build a bridge over mountains draped in stars

I’ll meet you on the ridge between these worlds apart

We’ve got this moment now to live, then it’s all just dust and dark

Let’s let love give what it gives.”

TheFicChick says, “I play around with timelines a little bit here. In this story, the events of ‘Twilight’ and ‘New Moon’ take place in 1999, not in the 2000s, which is how that universe intersects with the ‘Remember Me’ universe.” Well, I say the universes of Twilight and Remember Me do more than intersect, they blend seamlessly together and they become a perfect whole.  Infinite Visibility is a wonderful and believable love story between Tyler and Bella set against the perfect mesh of canon from both original stories – my hat is off to TheFicChick and her way with words for achieving this so masterfully.

Edward pulled his New Moon disappearing trick and eventually Bella moved on with her life, as per his request.  She matured and developed into a lovely young woman and her desire for a complete change, a concrete jungle, led her to New York to attend college.  Edward has not been forgotten – her scars run much deeper than the physical one James inflicted in Twilight – but, with time and new experiences comes the epiphany that Edward was right…

That night is the first night since September that she dreams of Edward, the ethereal, self-proclaimed demon standing against a dreary backdrop, orchestrating his own isolation.

This is the last time you’ll ever see me. I won’t come back.

It’s the first night that she dreams the dream through and doesn’t wake up screaming.

It will be like I never existed. I promise.

It’s the first time in all the times she’s had the dream that she’s still standing when he walks away.

You just don’t belong in my world, Bella.

It isn’t until she’s bumping along in a cab headed for JFK the following morning that the realization comes: he no longer belongs in hers, either.

One thing about Bella that has not changed, however, is her love for the written word, and so she is enticed to the Strand Bookstore by its claim to have eighteen miles of books, only to receive the shock of her life when she asks…

“Excuse me; do you have Virgil’s Doomed Love?”

The boy turns to face her, and she sucks in a breath. At first glance, he’s too similar, too close a replica, too familiar, and all of the contentment that had cocooned her like cotton is torn away, leaving her feeling as though she’s been stripped and sucker-punched. She stares at him for a moment, mouth agape, before spinning and dashing up the long aisle, hearing a faint “What the hell?” coming from the boy behind her as she flees. Darting around the tables near the entrance and nearly tripping over a stroller near the checkout counter, she finally bursts through the exit and onto the crowded sidewalk.

“Watch it,” a guy with a steaming paper cup of coffee mutters as he sidesteps her, and she mutters an apology as she takes in gulping breaths, clutching one of the carts of discounted books with her bare hand, the ice-cold metal burning the skin of her palm. She lets the dull ache in her hand ground her as she navigates a sea of sensation: she feels unsettled, blindsided, as if she’s seen a ghost. It’s impossible. Patently impossible, because while the moment that she’d stared into the stranger’s face was fleeting, it was long enough for her to absorb details: the all-too-human flush of his cheeks, the blue-green of his eyes. Just a likeness, she tells herself as her breathing and her heartbeat try to regulate themselves. That’s all.

“Hey.” The voice floats over her shoulder, and her still-stuttering heart picks up the tempo, now positively hammering against her ribs as if fighting for its freedom. “Are you okay?” the look-alike asks, and she turns, half-convinced that her momentary vision had been a trick of dim lighting. Those blue-green eyes narrow, a heavy brow creased in concern.

Blue-green eyes, she wills herself to remember. Not gold. It is this detail she latches onto as she nods, but the boy is still frowning. “Are you sure? Because you kind of look like hell.”

A bark of surprised laughter escapes her lips as she stares at his face, and if she needed further assurance that the person before her was far removed from his vampire doppelganger, those rather blunt words were it.

The Edward look-a-like…who eventually persuades her to meet him for coffee… is none other than the utterly charming Tyler Hawkins.  This imperfect human is one of the good guys, he has a sensitive soul and even with a lot of baggage – or maybe because of it, he is perfect for Bella.  Their understanding of the other’s pain and the tender emotional connection they develop is lovely to witness.  To quote Kelsey, Bella’s roommate, “Every great love affair starts with something as innocuous as coffee,” and you know what – I think she is right.

This enchanting and sensuous story is creeping slowing towards September and I’m reminded of the powerful prologue (in an unknown POV), which causes me to pose as yet unanswered questions.

Stepping toward the nearest of the two square pools, I can feel the faintest spray on my face, very nearly unnoticeable. Closing my eyes, I let my hipbones rest against the bronze parapet, breathe in the faintly damp air. When I open them, a barely-there rainbow appears in the mist cast off by the falling water. The sky is a perfect, robin’s egg blue, its brilliance reflected in the gleaming new architecture bordering this now-open space. Mirrored glass reflecting light, reflecting perfect blue skies, reflecting billowing white clouds and bright spring sunshine. Perfect tranquility where there was once chaotic devastation.

I squint as I stare upward, the parapet unforgiving against my bony hips, and to either side of me, people reach out and touch engraved names with single fingertips and entire palms. I don’t touch the name etched in front of me; instead, I bring my palm up to my sternum and press it flat against the space where my heart beats steadily in my chest beneath wool coat and fleece top and cotton bra before sliding it down and beneath my arm, above xylophone ribs and inked skin. My face still tipped toward the sky, I close my eyes and remember. A perfect blue canvas marred by twin curls of acrid smoke, then a billowing cloud of dust, the everyday sounds of the city yielding to the roar of destruction and pealing screams of terror.

As I stand blind, hand registering only the faintest echo of my own heartbeat, I do what I’ve made it my life’s mission not to do: I look back.

I remember.

I don’t mean to sound cryptic; I genuinely have no idea how this story will end and TBH, I’m a little afraid that there may be heartbreak ahead – for me, as well as the characters.  Regardless, I’ve been captivated by this love story and nothing is going to stop me reading.  Don’t let it stop you either.





How To Be More by deb24601


How To Be More ~ Art, from How to Be, toils at the grocer’s, missing his ex-girlfriend, Jessica. He’s amazed when she shows up and determined to be the ‘more’ she’s asking for. Entry in Robnipulations You Fic it We Nip it Contest. One-shot.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Words: 5,393 – Reviews: 12 – Favs: 18 – Follows: 6 – Published: 07-12-10 – Status: Complete – id: 6134646

The story starts gently with Art at work a supermarket. Please note – I am not fantasising over Art’s delectable derriere delightfully protruding up in the air as he leans over to stick his head in the freezer.


*clears throat* As I was saying – this is how the fic opens…

Another day at the mind-numbing, soul-sucking grocer’s. Doing a job a monkey could do. Stocking shelves, pricing merchandise, and trying to avoid thinking… about Jessica. She’d dumped me, kicking me out of her apartment in the process. My parents aren’t terribly happy to have me home again. My music isn’t going well either and my mates are always frustrated with me.

Apparently I’m not much fun to be around.

Oh, Art!  If you’ve had the pleasure of seeing the film How to Be, you are probably nodding your head in agreement and smiling in recognition, as this is so typical of adorkable Art’s behaviour; deb24601 captures him perfectly in all his lovable quirkiness.  The How to Be film tagline ‘sometimes we all need a little help’ must have struck a chord with the lovely deb24601, as she, in a stroke of genius, uses Jessica (the ex-girlfriend – not to be confused with Twi Jessica of the IKR fame) as a conduit to do just that.  She presents him with a challenge, boosts his self-esteem, and then she sits lies back and reaps the reward. Lucky lady (Jessica not Deb) as Art rises magnificently to the occasion IYKWIM!

This hilarious one-shot has pervy old dears, and a hard, frozen penis, but even that’s not enough to stop this Art from being hot!  Now, there is a sentence I never thought I’d write. This Art is definitely more!

*reaches for frozen penis err…fan*




Imprudence and Gratification by Hank’s Lady

Imprudence and Gratification ~ Eric Packer, billionaire financier, is expecting his physician to give him his daily medical exam. Amusement and naughtiness ensues when Dr Black sends his son Jacob to undertake the exam instead. Slash one-shot.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Jacob & Eric P. – Words: 3,248 – Reviews: 13 – Favs: 9 – Follows: 4 – Published: 02-05-13 – Status: Complete – id: 8980853

While sitting in a darkened cinema munching on popcorn as I watched Cosmopolis for the first time, there was one question at the forefront of my mind.  No!  It wasn’t: Did Rob really pee in the limo?  Although… *snickers*


The burning question at the forefront of my admittedly, somewhat perverted mind was: How did Eric really feel about his daily rectal examination? …But then that made me wonder: Did he gain more than the satisfaction and relief of knowing his prostrate was normal?

In this hot Cosmopolis/Twilight crossover light-hearted one-shot, the young, gay, newly qualified, Dr. Jacob Black climbs in to the limo to perform the personal procedure as it slowly makes its way across town.

Clearing my throat slightly, I lowered his shorts to uncover firm buttocks, snapped on the gloves quickly and applied lube to the fingers of my right hand. My cock twitched slightly and I grimaced, trying to remember I was a professional and the sexy naked ass in front of me was part of my job.

Raising my left hand, I tentatively spread his buttocks to reveal the tight puckered hole, noting the area leading towards his scrotum was hairless and smooth as if he had carefully shaved it – or paid someone to do it for him. I circled his hole with a lubed finger and noticed him stiffen slightly, thighs tensing.

“Breathe out and relax, Sir, I’ll try to make this as painless as possible,” I said quietly.

‘And as pleasurable as I can manage.’ I squashed the amusing thought and reminded myself again that I was a doctor.

Mmm!  Who can resist a doctor with such a good beside manner? *cough cough*
r eric

If you want to discover how Hank’s Lady’s luscious vision of Eric feels about his err…close encounter with Jacob, hop in the back of the limo to take the ride too – it has blackened out glass, js.




Water for Elephants Oneshot by that kiwi chick

Water for Elephants Oneshot ~ “Water for the elephant, or alcohol?” Jacob asked with a smirk, balancing the bottle in one hand and the water bucket in the other. Rosie did her elephant smile and pointed at the alcohol with her long trunk” Jacob/Marlena, Walter their son & Rosie fluff!

Rated: Fiction K+ – English – Family/Friendship – Jacob & Marlena – Words: 1,182 – Reviews: 12 – Favs: 26 – Follows: 3 – Published: 05-24-11 – Status: Complete – id: 7017584

Have you ever watched that few seconds of home video at the end of the Water for Elephants film and thought Jacob holding Walter was the cutest thing ever?  I know I have.  This sweet and fluffy one-shot showcases a few precious minutes of everyday life for the Jankowski family; it’s just how I imagined it to be.  *Happy sigh!*

“Whoa this is so high!” The small child cried, clapping his hands together and wriggling around on top of the massive animal he was sitting on. “Good girl, Rosie.” He praised, patting her wrinkled grey shoulder.

Marlena smiled and snuggled closer into her husband’s side, feeling the weight of his chin on top of her head and his breath in her hair. He ran his hands down her side, letting them come to rest on her swollen belly. She placed her smaller hand atop his and smiled at the look of awe on his face when the baby kicked at his hand.

Queenie ran in circles around Rosie’s sitting form, trying to grab the attention she wasn’t getting. Jacob and Marlena were too wrapped up in each other and Walter was still babbling on to the huge elephant and hugging her neck.

“Come here, Queenie.” Jacob commanded, chuckling at the sparkle in the old dog’s eye as she leapt into his waiting arms. Her little stub of a tail wiggled back and forth and she nuzzled into her owner’s neck and snuggled into his arms.

*Made by twvezonika*

*Made by twvezonika*

that kiwi chick has captured the warm and fun-loving characters of Jacob, Marlena, and Rosie perfectly.  While it’s lovely to see the obvious deep emotions between all the humans and animals, it’s our beloved Rosie and her antics who steals the scene.  This one-shot is very short at 1,182 words, but that is all it took for that kiwi chick to put a smile upon my face.




Last, but definitely not least, is our beloved Edward, after all…

that’s why we are here.



*Review by Planetblue*

One Night Stand in Locked Down London by BlueIsSoul

*Made by Shahula*

*Made by Shahula*

One Night Stand in Locked Down LondonA disinterested, paranoid girl. A wealthy journalist with only one thing on his mind. Too much alcohol. A serial killer on the loose. Here’s the problem with a one-night stand in locked-down London.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Humor/Romance – Chapters: 4 – Words: 15,126 – Reviews: 215 – Favs: 328 – Follows: 669 – Updated: 06-15-13 – Published: 05-13-13 – id: 9290753

When BlueIsSoul asked me to pre-read her new story, she directed me towards an article that acted as the inspiration and appeared on Esquire.com. The piece basically centers on a guy who had the misfortune of finding himself after a one night stand unable to sneak out of the other party’s apartment during the terrifying lock down the recent bombing at the marathon caused. While the story surrounding the event is of course a tragedy, the article showed the odder side of what Boston inhabitants were going through while unable to leave wherever they had found themselves.

This got BlueIsSoul thinking. What if a British, cocky bloke of a fellow got stuck with a girl he thinks might be just this side of crazy, and caught in a similar situation? In this case, it’s an escaped serial killer that’s on the loose and wreaking havoc for the citizens of London, who are out and about, unaware they are about to be trapped.

We’ve read of the player Edward, and the arrogant Edward, but this Edward is in a class all his own. There are rules he feels men should follow, and he’s the best of the best.  He’s completely unaffected by the situation surrounding him and in fact, out drinking with his buddy Emmett when he finds himself in a bit of a predicament.

Edward’s problem is the girl that Emmett’s hook up has left him with; a Bella so paranoid about everything, she’s consumed with the thought that the serial killer is lurking behind every corner, ready to strike.

“Charlie – my dad – tried to take me to the doctor, because he thought it could be a real issue or something. I don’t go though. I mean, I’ll be labeled, and that’s when things become concrete. It’s almost like then I’ll really have something, you know what I mean?”

“Like a diagnosis?”


“…of paranoia?”

She nods. “Yeah.”

I take a sip from my pint. What do you say to someone who’s kind of admitted they choose not to go the doctor because they think they might possibly be crazy?


So I say just that.


“Then I fixate… on things, people,” she says conversationally, “men mainly.”


My psycho-chick-homing-device explodes.


There are alarms blaring and shit.

Get set, Edward. Go.

Run for your life.

I wipe my forehead with my palm. I’m a little sweaty. All of a sudden I think I’m finding it difficult to breathe.

I’m still here though.

He knows he should leave. He knows he should wipe his hands of her and follow Rule #3, the most important of his rules: You shall make sure that she is relatively sane before you take old one eye to the optometrist.

What ensues is some of the most fun, effortless banter I’ve read in a long time. An Edward who is strangely fascinated by a girl who seems so uninterested in him she’s quite disdainful towards the bugger, who she assumes the worst of based on very few facts and appearance alone.

Edward’s fascination grows as the banter turns more…sexual in nature, as Bella and Edward continue to drink long after their friends have left.

“Tell me,” she commands, like it’s her privileged right to know these things.

“It’s something I’ve always thought was real hot you know, kinda like–”

Come on Edward, fucking enlighten me before I fall into a coma. Stop with the pathetic, pussiness.

I catch a hint of a smile before it turns into her usual someone-just-killed-my-cat expression.

She’s teasing now.

“I like a girl with a potty mouth. Keep it coming angel.”


“What about it?” I’m so wity.

After some great back and forth I’ll leave for you to discover, and making her work for it, Edward finally admits to the good stuff.


I shake myself out the pep talk and gaze into her unsteady eyes.

“Okay. Um, so let’s say there are a lot of people who are there, but they don’t necessarily have to you know, participate.”

I watch her reaction, amused. Her eyes are now large saucers. “What do you mean?” It’s a whisper.

“Being watched when having sex.” My voice is gritty. “Rough, hard sex. There’s something illicit, something sexy about it. It turns me on.”


Bella, being Bella, doesn’t give in too easy, but Edward is persistent. The first chapter gives you a glimpse of what kind of a night he’s got in store for him (and a taste of the odd fantasy Bella has) when he pursues the one night stand against his better judgment. You, like me, will be enthralled with the journey and dying for the city to lock down already.

BlueIsSoul’s writing is snappy, fresh, and purposeful. Being from London allows for the fun British tinge she’s given this story, something I’m particularly enjoying. It surrounds everything, and places you directly on that side of the pond. You can practically feel the warm pint on your tongue and smell the fish and chips on the table as Edward and Bella get ready to have a night neither will be able to forget (or leave, as the title suggests).

Even though it’s only going to be a few chapters in length, it promises to pack a punch.



*Made by Betti Gefecht*

*Made by Betti Gefecht*

Pull your big-girl-knickers out of the drawer ladies, and put them on!

The Lemonade Stand are hosting a one-shot Angst Contest and are accepting entries until July 30th.

Click here for the details: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/4769441/

Follow them on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TLSAngstContest



So, what’s been getting you all hot and bothered this week?  

There is a gentle rock in the hammock with wet Rob for everyone who shares!



Filed under Because he gives us a Reason to smile., Bel Ami, Breaking Dawn, Cosmopolis, Edward A M Cullen, Fan Fiction Friday, Fan Fiction Friday Guest Review, Fan Fiction Recs, FFF Library, FFF Posts, Georges DuRoy, How to Be, Little Ashes, New Moon, Remember Me, Rob Pattinson, Robert Pattinson, The Rover, Twilight, WFE, Writing

Random Rita ~ Checkin’ That Ass!

Wet Rob Avi


See, I was just tryin’ to reorganize my Pinterest RobPorn collection and came across this photo of Rob during the WFE promo tour in Madrid!

Well, it sent me into a fit of giggles that just won’t quit!


Now, I ask you…is that boy checkin’ out his own ass in a mirror?

Happy Wednesday, y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Because he gives us a Reason to smile., Missing Our Boyfriend, Rita01tx, Robert Pattinson, WFE

Sensual Sunday ~ PCP, My Drug of Choice!

Wet Rob Avi

Good evening, Ladies!

{Sorry, I’m a little late today!}

Now, before you go thinkin’ I done lost my everlovin’ mind, I’m not talkin’ about illegal drugs!  Well, unless you consider Rob a drug…which you know he is LOL!

But, no! PCP = Press Conference Portraits!!!

Star Date:  April 3, 2011

Location: Los Angeles

Event: Press Conference for Water for Elephants


*Gasp!* Rita, are you seriously comparing me to an illegal drug???

Uuuuh! Yeah…I guess I am!


Well, color me confused…mind explaining yourself?

*Gigglesnort!*  You got all night, Rob darlin’?


*Sigh!* You’re about to embarrass me, aren’t you?

Pretty much LMAO!!!


*Deep breath!* OK…hit me!

“Is it in his eyes {Oh no, you’ll be deceived}”


Rita, if you sing the Shoop Shoop song, I’ll turn you over my knee!

*Pout!* Promises, promises!


*Grrrr!* I hate that stupid song!

“Is it in his face? {Oh no, that’s just his charm}”


What’ll it take to make you stop, Rita?

*Snickers!* Beggin’ will do nicely, sweetie!


Then pretty please, with sugar on it…fucking STOP!

Sugar? Ummm… “It’s in his KISS!”


OK! I’ll write you an I.O.U for One Kiss if we ever meet…how’s that?

*Squeeee!* {Rita does the Snoopy Dance of Joy!!!}  Heeey…wait a minute!


What’s wrong, Rita?

Well, crap! The chances of me ever gettin’ to collect is like a gazillion to one!


C’mon, Rita! A gazillion to one is still better than a gazillion to nothing, right?

Don’t have much choice, do it *Groan!*


Stranger things have happened but, no…not really!

Well, promise me this, then…


At this point, I’ll promise you anything to get off my dick!

*Gulp!* {Call the Robulance! Rita just nose-dived into the gutter!}


Focus, Rita! What other promise?

Oh, yeah! I’d like for all your people…you know, like Dean and Nick and everyone…


Yeah? {Where the hell is she going with this?}

I want each of them to carry a copy of that I.O.U. with them at all times…just in case!


You kidding me, right now?

No-puh! Deal or no deal!


And that’s it?

Yes! I don’t want anyone tellin’ me I can’t collect my kiss…if we ever meet! Agreed?


Agreed! {Good thing the odds are stacked in my favor LOL!}

Thank you, Rob! I know you are a man of honor, so I’m pleased with our deal!


Good! Now, back to your explanation of why I’m like a drug?

Damn, baby! I’m so busy imaginin’ kissin’ you, I plumb forgot!


Rita! You are one crazy lady…but you’re MY crazy lady!!!

Damn right, I am! And don’t you forget it!!

Anybody else wanna try explainin’ why Rob is like a drug to us? ‘Cause I KNOW I’m not the only one LMAO!!!


Night Raider


Filed under Addicted, Rita01tx, Robert Pattinson, Sensual Sunday, Stunning, WFE

Random Rita ~ Thursday Tumblr Trollin’!

Wet Rob Avi😀

Despite the RobDrought {yeah, I said the “D” word}, I’ve been spendin’ many happy hours trollin’ tumblr for new/old RobPorn!

Lots of cool gifs cross my path, but most of them are just too damn small!

So, when I saw this one from Rob’s promo tour of Water for Elephants, I squealed and ran here to share…cause that’s just how I roll LOL!


FingerPorn, NeckPorn, JawPorn, LipPorn, EyePorn…if he had a little longer hair, we’d have SexHairPorn, but I guess you can’t have everythin’!

Happy Thursday,  y’all!


Night Raider


Filed under Rob Pattinson

Sensual Sunday ~ The Last Time I Saw Sydney!


We have lift off, ladies!

Rob and Dean {good to see ya, Dean darlin’!} are wingin’ their way to Sydney, Australia as we speak!!!

LAX – Friday : October 19, 2012

Hell’n they probably landed already {they have!}, but I’m breakin’ our non-pap photo rule cause I’m just so excited that it’s finally happenin’!

Wooeeee! We’s gonna be rollin’ in RobPorn like Scrooge McDuck rolls in his money!!!

The one and only time Rob’s been to Sydney brought us some absolutely gorgeous RobPorn!

Star Date:  May 6, 2011

Location:  Sydney, Australia

Event:  Premier of Water for Elephants

Wow! They’re all here to see ME?

Yup! You didn’t think all your Aussie h00rs and angelz were gonna miss the chance to bask in your presence, did ya darlin’!! {And it wasn’t even for a Twilight premier LOL!} Ever notice how many women make up Rob’s entourage? I can understand Stephanie being there as his agent, but the rest?  Hair, make-up and wardrobe…maybe?

Eat your heart out, Rita! You’re just jealous you aren’t one of them!!

Hell yeah, I’m jealous! How ’bout I volunteer to lay out your pj’s at night?  Maybe brush your teeth for you and sing you to sleep?

Not happening, Rita! Now, stop trying to distract me, woman!

Sheesh! OK OK, I’ll shut up…for now {pouty face}.

Aaaah! Feeling love, love, love, love, love…!

Rob sucks up the energy of the crowd like a vampire sucks blood LOL!

The sweet sounds of success! There’s nothing like it!!

The Pretty {and boy, was he pretty in Sydney} deserves all the adoration we can give him!

Don’t Bogart that Sharpie, Dean! I need it!!

Rob does let himself get carried away when he’s wallowin’ amongst his fans…

Aw, come on! Just give me five more minutes!

jonesing like an addict for just a little more time with them LOL!

Just when I was having fun, damnit! He’s not the boss of me!

Anyone else would be completely freaked out by it all, but not Rob!

Let’s see how many female reporters I can confuzzle!

It’s his opportunity to dazzle us all and he never misses the chance!

Wait for it…she doesn’t stand a chance LOL!

Just when those reporter ladies think they’re gonna be cool with a face-to-face encounter…


he stuns them with That Look!!!

Come wiz me to the Casbaaah, my dear!

LMAO!!! One down…

Boobage! Sweeeet!

Oh, Rob! You dog, you!!!

Sorry! I can’t help being tall enough to look down her dress and…shit, they were RIGHT THERE!

Aw, baby! I wouldn’t give you hell for lookin’ at MY boobs and they’s bigger than Reese’s!

Hmmm, in that case, I might reconsider our…um, relationship!

OMG! Really, Rob?

No, not really!

Well, poodiddle! Way to dash a girl’s dreams!

Rita, Rita, Rita! Make me an offer I can’t refuse!


What’s the matter, Rita? Cat got your tongue?

DAYUM, Rob darlin’! If I didn’t think you were just funnin’ with me {again}, me and my tongue would be down on our knees IYKWIMAITYD!!!!

Here’s wishin’ Rob a Sunday filled with fun to make up for last time before Monday’s madness begins!!!! {Remember how pissed off he was about missin’ out on stuff like Jet Boatin’ and Shark Divin’ LOL!)

Happy Sunday, y’all!



Filed under Breaking Dawn, Breathless, Sensual Sunday

Sensual Sunday ~ It’s Not Easy Bein’ Green!

Y’all can just cart me off to the Funny Farm now ’cause I’ve completely lost it LMAO!

Of all the songs to get stuck in my head!?!  Of all the songs to relate to Rob!?!

And when I thought about Rob and the color green, I tried to find any photo anywhere of Rob wearin’ green…a color that just suits him so well!

Closest I could come to being convinced he was wearin’ a green shirt was for the photocall in Barcelona for Water for Elephants on May 1st, 2011…

It’s not that easy being green

Having to spend each day the color of the leaves

When I think it could be nicer being red,

or yellow

or gold

Or something much more colorful like that

It’s not easy being green

It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things

And people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re

Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water

Or stars in the sky

But green’s the color of Spring

And green can be cool and friendly-like

And green can be big like an ocean, or important

Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be

It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why

Wonder, I am green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful

And I think it’s what I want to be

Seriously?! Except for the above, and it’s still questionable whether or not it’s some kind of khaki color, The Pretty never…ever wears green!  Not in any photoshoot, personal appearance or pap photo {yeah, I checked)!  Only green I found in any of his films is this…

Am I wrong?

Happy Sunday, y’all!



Filed under Edward A M Cullen, New Moon, Rob Pattinson, Sensual Sunday, Twilight, WFE

Sensual Sunday ~ The Pretty in Paris!

Ah, ladies!

Spring is in the air and I hear tell that Paris in the Spring is not to be missed! Now, we’ve all been to Tokyo, Rome and Berlin with Rob here on Sensual Sunday, so why don’t we ask him to sweep us all off to Paris!?!?!

I don’t now about you, but my bags are packed and I’m ready to go!

Oh my, that IS a massive erection!

*Grrrrrrrr!* Don't even go there, little girl?

Eeeep! Busted!!! OK, OK…I’ll TRY and keep it clean, but it’s so hard!

Rita...I'm warning you! Don't do it!

Don’t do what? *whistling and twiddling my thumbs*

I know you, Rita! You won't be able to resist!

Resist what? Ooooh! You mean….

Go ahead and say it...out loud!

Ummm…that’s what she said? *ducks head*

Rita, you are incorrigible! I don't know why I put up with you!

Well, because you love all your fans, right? See? I’ve got proof….

Aw crap! I didn't mean to make her cry!

Don’t worry about it, Rob darlin’! She just loves you so much, it leaked out of her eyes!

But...I don't understand this! It's the characters I play, right? Not me!

Weeell, yeah, we love: Gieselher, Rawdy, Cedric, Toby, Daniel, Art, Richard, Salvador, Tyler, Jacob, Georges, Eric and, of course, Edward, but only because YOUR beautiful heart and soul brought them to life!

OK...that kinda makes sense, I guess!

Hey! You know, those natives who didn’t like having their photos taken ’cause they were afraid it was stealing their souls might not have been crazy, after all! LMAO!!

Rita! Once again, you crack me the fuck up! LOL!

Aw, Rob! Flattery will get you everywhere LMAO!

I'll remember you said that! Laters, baby! MWAH!

HOLY F*CK!!!!! And the man wonders why we can’t get enough! *THUD!*

Sorry, ladies!  Rob distracted me…again!  So, just to remind  you of the timeline, Rob’s been in Paris 3 times for personal appearances {no, I’m not counting this year’s Paris Fashion Week}…

New Moon – November 10, 2009

Water for Elephants – April 28, 2011

Breaking Dawn, Part 1 – October 23, 2011

That’s all, folks!

Happy Easter, ya’ll!



Filed under Addicted, Breaking Dawn, New Moon, oh lalala, Rob Pattinson, Sensual Sunday, WFE

Sensual Sunday ~ Rob…When I Think of You, I Touch Myself!

Hi ya’ll!

You’ve probably all seen the outtakes from Rob’s photoshoot by Mark Segal in 2008, right?  It’s one of my favorites…hard to choose, I know, but THIS photo reminded me of all the times Rob touches his face, especially with that delicious looking thumb of his!

Wonder what it tastes like?  GAH!

Click it!  It’s HUGE (twss)!!!!

Wonder if that bottom lip would feel soft soft soft on MY thumb!

Of course, when I heard this song the other day, it made me think of Rob.  What doesn’t LOL?

A quick search of YouTube delivered this lovely vid by unicorns429!

So, yeah, when I see photos of Rob touching himself, I can’t help wishing those were MY fingers stroking his face… or anywhere else, for that matter!

Would I like to be dipping MY fingers down his shirt?  HELL YES!!

Would I like that to be MY hand he’s holding? Stupid question!

I’d purely LOVE for those long fingers to be stroking MY neck…

Rob’s hand sneaking down towards MY ass?  Yes, PLEASE!

A full body touch from Rob and I could die a happy, happy hOOr!

Hell’n imagining Rob touching me ANYWHERE has me fanning my lady bits *phew!*

But that’s not gonna happen, is it?

Damnit, Rob!  Let a girl dream, will ya???

Happy Sunday, ya’ll!



Filed under Addicted, Fingerporn, Rob Pattinson, Sensual Sunday, Thumb