Tag Archives: Lolypop82

Rita’s Random Fic Recs!

ROB ATTACK

Evenin’, ladies!

Everyone enjoyin’ their summer? I swear, I have no idea where July went but I was determined to get this post out to you before August…looks like it’ll be by the skin of my teeth LMAO!

Now, you won’t see this very often…well, never, actually, but my first rec is an EPILOGUE! Oh, but what an epilogue it is! Recognize that mustache?ROB ATTACK(manip by Lolypop82)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9069505/24/Deviant

He pissed me off and then he turned me on. Spectacularly.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 24 – Words: 94,477 – Reviews: 10,558 – Favs: 6,005 – Follows: 4,236 – Updated: Jul 27 – Published: Mar 4, 2013 – Status: Complete – id: 9069505

Yay! Manchu and Half Pint are back and they’re not alone LOL!

“It’s been weeks, Bella! I’m dying over here.” I am. I truly am.

“I don’t know about you, but two close calls since the baby was born? Too many. Blame yourself.”

“I can’t help it if I have very virile sperm!” A wail comes from the monitor hanging off my belt loop and I sigh, knowing I’m beat. “I got her.”

“Thank you!” Bella sing-songs, the pleasure evident in her voice.

Walking dejectedly to the nursery, I smile big when I see the newest member of our quickly expanding brood crying and balling her fists up. “Shh, hey now, killer, Daddy’s here.” Lifting her up, I cradle her against my chest and kiss her head, inhaling that baby smell which makes me forget all my problems. Even being denied the beautiful curves of my wife.

“Did Mommy and Daddy wake you up? Daddy’s sorry, but he just loves your mommy so much he loses it sometimes,” I whisper against her forehead, placing a kiss and soothing her awhile before finally laying her on the changing table. “But don’t tell her, it’s our secret. Can’t have her thinking I’m wrapped around her finger.”

I blow a raspberry on her bare stomach and Viv gives me a gassy smile like she knows I’m a sucker and a liar as I place a fresh diaper on her before buttoning her up and placing her back in her crib. She fusses a little, so I grab the pacifier with the mustache on it and pop it in her mouth. She looks ridiculous, but thanks to hilarious friends and family, we keep getting them as gifts. She grasps my finger like she totally understands our conversation, and I smile down at her.

Her little eyes start to close so I stroke her baby fine hair until she settles. “Who am I kidding? All my girls are evil vixens. You’ve cast a spell on me.” 

How long do you think Bella can hold out against Manchu on a mission to get laid? How do they thwart his super virile sperm when they both hate usin’ a condom? Oh, you’ll have to read to find out *wink!*

Apologies to those of you who have not read Deviant *gasp* but spoilers were inevitable in this case!

~oOo~ROB ATTACKhttps://www.fanfiction.net/s/12547589/1/Burning-Saints

As this saint burns, so will burn my soul should I betray the oath of Omertà. I enter alive and will have to leave dead.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Crime/Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 6 – Words: 23,990 – Reviews: 773 – Favs: 439 – Follows: 810 – Updated: Jul 28 – Published: Jun 27 – id: 12547589 

It’s the 1950’s and Edward has just returned home after five years in Cuba.

He leads me to a roof access door and we climb the stairs until we’re four stories above Rush Street, looking out at the city. Em unscrews the cap and tosses it over the side of the building before taking a huge swig. “There are big changes comin’ for us, Eddie.”

“Yeah?”

He points to the skyline. “All this is gonna be ours.”

I say nothing, letting him go on with the crazy talk.

“And it’s all because of you.” He comes towards me and grabs the back of my neck. “You ballsy motherfucker, you.” Pulling me close, he lowers his voice, “I know what you did.”

“You do?”

Em nods. “Dad said you did the hit. I mean, he didn’t go into detail, but you know.”

“Yeah, well . . . ” I trail off and snuff out my cig as memories from the night I put two slugs in that bastard’s skull flood my mind. “It had to be done.”

“It was fuckin’ brilliant,” Em muses, offering the bottle to me. “You weren’t even an associate at the time.”

“Nope,” I say with a laugh, thinking about how I was just some spoiled prick barely out of college. “That’s probably why no one suspected.”

“No one did.” He steps close to the ledge. “It made sense at the time when my dad said he got you out of here for your safety. He told the rest of the crew that you left for school then went to help him with his interests in Havana.”

“Ma said he sent her and Es to the ol’ country for a while.”

“Yep.” He looks out over the street. “This place went up for grabs, Eddie. Paulie and Felix had a goddamn field day. Made real names for themselves.”

“I’ll bet they did.”

We’re quiet for a bit, staring out into the city listening to the trains and sirens in the distance and the bustling traffic coming from the street below.

“Did you want to be the one who did it?”

“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know. It was so fucked up, man,” I say before striking a match and lighting another cigarette. “We were down at the morgue, ID’ing the body. My ma was goin’ wild, just losin’ it. But Uncle C, man, he was just. . . ” I’m at a loss for words letting the smoke billow out of my mouth. “Next thing I know, your dad’s pulling me into an office, saying they’ve got the guy who did it, and offering me the opportunity to handle it.”

Em nods, knowing that my father never wanted me to end up in the family business. “So you stepped up?”

“Yeah.” I hold up two fingers. “Your dad made two phone calls from the coroner’s office. The first was to Philly to confirm who pulled the trigger.”

“And the second?”

My lips curl into a sick smile. “The second person he called was Chopper.”

“Chopper? Old man Aro?”

“Yep.” I take another drag. “The night of the wake, we left the funeral home, met up with Chopper at the back of the Yards.”

“No shit?”

“No shit, man. Chopper had that greasy fuck hogtied on the slaughterhouse floor. Your dad handed me a .22, I pulled the trigger and that was that.” I shrug, feeling no remorse for my actions. No regret. No nothing.

Em spends the next few hours filling in the gaps, telling me all about what went down while I was gone all those years. We empty the bottle going back and forth as I listen to who killed who, who heads up what now and a coded rundown of who’s who in the family.

“The books are probably gonna be openin’ up soon,” Em says, looking at me to gauge my reaction at hearing that the family will be bringing in new members.

I don’t comment since I’m probably not eligible because I haven’t made my bones yet. At least none that anyone can know about. 

Mobwards are so damned irresistible and LayAtHomeMom is givin’ us one for the ages!

~oOo~ROB ATTACKhttps://www.fanfiction.net/s/12540738/1/A-Woman-of-Conviction

Bella is a single mom of two boys trying to make ends meet. Edward is a successful business man. Can he help her? Will she let him?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Chapters: 6 – Words: 14,689 – Reviews: 283 – Favs: 214 – Follows: 465 – Updated: Jul 27 – Published: Jun 22 – id: 12540738

I’m always pleased to discover a new author and Alyscia came to me by way of Bernadette Allyson Aquino from FB group The No Rules Twilight fan fic Recs Club!

“Welcome to Paul’s Diner, I’m Bella and I will be taking care of you today.” I give them my best smile while I hand them the menus.

“Hi, thank you,” the pixie woman greets me.

“We have Pepsi products, tea, and coffee. Can I get you anything while you look through the menu?” I put my pen to paper, waiting for any responses.

“Diet Pepsi,” Pixie orders.

“Do the Dew, please,” Linebacker laughs at his own joke and the blonde scolds him.

“Jesus, Emmett, are you five? Diet Pepsi.”

“Sweet tea,” the shaggy blonde guy answers, eyeing the pixie.

“Coffee, black, freshly brewed too, please. Also, make sure the cup is clean,” the scowling copper-haired man demands in a tight velvet voice without looking up from his phone.

“Jesus, Edward, I’m sure they have clean glasses.” Pixie rolls her eyes at Scowling Guy.

“Alice, have you seen this dump? I can’t believe you talked me into this shit.”

“Yes, our place has some character to it, but I assure you that our food is amazing. Seth, our cook, is attending Seattle’s best culinary school,” I defend the diner and Seth.

“Sure,” Copper guys says skeptically.

“I’ll just get those drinks for you.” I put my pad in my apron and quickly go and get the drinks for them.

I grab all the drinks and put them on a tray and walk back over to the table. “Here we go. Diet Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, do the Dew for you, sweet tea for the gentleman, and your fresh coffee in the cleanest of the clean cups, sir.” I keep my smile fun and cute while passing the cups around. Most of the group chuckles, but mister grumpy raises his eyebrow as if challenging me.

“Are we ready to order?” I keep with my chipper self, ignoring his challenge.

“Yes, we are.” They all chatter away with what they want, and then I get to mister cranky pants.

“I want a sub, pepperoni, salami, ham, mustard and mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, and pickle on whole grain with provolone cheese. Do you think your cook can handle that?” He hands his menu to me with a cocky grin.

I raise my bitch brow with my own smirk. “I think you’ll find your sub more than satisfying, sir.”

I walk over to the window to put my order in to Seth. “Hey, for the sub give him the Bella special.” I wink.

I get to the window to pick up my order for the business group and smile, seeing that Seth did exactly what I wanted to mister grumpy copper hair.

“Here we go.” I hand the orders to everyone, the last one going down in front of him. I wait.

I hear them chuckle and laugh at him. He just stares hard at it, then looks at me with a confused expression.

“Did you seriously have my food made into a smiley face?”

“Yes, sir, I hope you enjoy your food. If you need anything, please feel free to ask.” I smile and wink and leave their table. I check my other tables and the boys, and before I know it the business group is stacking dishes, so I quickly get the check and take it over to them.

“I hope the food was up to your standards.” I put the check down on the table.

“It was the best I’ve had. This is going to be my lunch spot from now on.” Linebacker pats his stomach to drive his point home. The others nod their heads in agreement.

I wait for copper hair to respond but he keeps his face in his phone.

They give me a credit card and I quickly run it and bring their receipt and wish them a good day.

I start cleaning up another table and when I reach theirs I nearly faint at the sight of the tip. Five one hundred dollar bills with a note.

‘Best sub ever’

I sit down before my legs give out. I can get the kids clothes and more groceries. Someone upstairs is finally giving me a small break.

I’m such a sucker for a down-on-her-luck Bella catchin’ a break from a man of means…Edward, of course!

~oOo~ROB ATTACK(banner by Clo Rodeffer aka HeartForTwilight)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12547034/1/Shaky-Ground

Dr. Edward Masen, a lonely, broken man, is living in Seattle. Work is the only thing he knows. Dr. Isabella Swan just moved to Seattle, working as a pediatrician. It’s hate at first sight. Unfortunately, natural disaster upends their lives … will they survive? Full summary inside. AU/AH

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Hurt/Comfort – Chapters: 10 – Words: 26,407 – Reviews: 718 – Favs: 406 – Follows: 676 – Updated: 23h ago – Published: Jun 26 – id: 12547034

Tufano79 strikes again! Hell’n I’m beginnin’ to think she’s actually an Energizer Bunny in disguise *wink!*

“I love my job,” Dr. Edward Masen muttered as he sat in his Volvo. “I love my job. I really love my job.” One of the nurses waved at him as she passed him. He growled and ran his hand through hair. He did love his job, but he hated the vapid, awful nurses and single, female doctors, who saw him as a piece of meat. Someone to be conquered.

He was not some prize to be won, damn it. “Not today, bitches.” He got out of the car, swiping his messenger bag, white coat and lanyard with his ID card.

Walking into Harborview Medical Center, he dropped off his belongings in his rarely-used office and got ready for his twelve-hour shift as an emergency room attending physician. He focused his attention on doing his job, healing the sick and helping people. He kept his interactions with the female coworkers concise, but professional, though he’d rather not interact with them at all. He focused on his patients. He treated them respectfully and with the dignity they needed, especially when they were sick and scared.

He worked diligently, helping his patients and smiling warmly at them when they thanked him. This why he went into medicine, to help people. Not to fend off horny females, swatting them away like annoying gnats.

“Dr. Masen, we have a little boy with a suspicious rash,” said Shelly Cope, one of the charge nurses. “I’d send in one of the residents, but the boy is covered head-to-toe in this rash.”

“Thanks, Shelly,” Edward said, finishing his notes on his tablet. He handed her the tablet, getting the new one for the boy, Cole. He read the history and strode into the room. “Hello? My name is Dr. Edward Masen.”

“I’m Kathryn and this is my son, Cole,” the mom said. She was clearly worried and running her fingers through the boy’s hair.

“Why don’t you tell me the symptoms?” Edward asked, sitting down next to the quiet, sick little boy. Kathryn shared the symptoms and Cole piped up when Edward gave him a physical examination. “I think that you just have a mild form of malaria. It’s a heat rash.”

“I disagree,” said a petite, brunette doctor. She was dressed in a pair of gray dress pants and a light blue blouse, underneath her white doctor’s coat. She glanced at the tablet in her hand, wrinkling her nose. “Did you vaccinate your son?”

“Vaccinate?” asked Kathryn.

Edward looked at the young doctor. She was new, that was certain.

“A word, Dr. Swan?” he growled, glaring at her coat, seeing her name, Dr. I. Swan. The woman arched a brow, holding her tablet to her body. “Please?” They both gave Kathryn a clinical smile. Edward gestured to the hallway and glowered at the woman. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Dr. Isabella Swan. Shelly paged me and asked me to consult on your case,” Bella said, holding out her hand. Edward sneered at her, leaving her hanging. She put her hand down, placing both of her hands on her hips. “And I would appreciate if you would not swear at me.” Edward continued to glare at her. “Look, I don’t think that Cole has malaria. He’s running a fever, which is not an indicator of heat rash. He also has never been vaccinated.” Bella showed Edward the medical records, showing that Cole did not receive any vaccinations.

“Regardless, you should have approached me since I’m his physician,” Edward snapped. “It makes me look incompetent.”

“If the shoe fits,” Bella snarled back. “You didn’t look at the whole picture. Nor did you run any cultures. You were going to release this boy back to his mom with his this highly communicable disease. I ordered Shelly to take his blood and test it, just to verify my diagnosis. If you would pull your head out of your own ass, you would have done the same.” Before he could respond, Bella turned on her heel, gliding back into the examination room and explained, calmly to the mother what she believed her son to have.

Edward was panting in the hallway, wanting to strangle Dr. Isabella Swan, regardless of how gorgeous she was.

What the fuck?

Oil and water…cats and dogs…until an earthquake brings them together in a way neither of them expected!

~oOo~ROB ATTACKhttps://www.fanfiction.net/s/12584528/1/Rent-A-Vampire

In a world where it has become the norm to date a supernatural being, no self-respecting woman would turn up at a party without one, would she?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 3 – Words: 5,557 – Reviews: 135 – Favs: 98 – Follows: 214 – Updated: 12h ago – Published: Jul 24 – id: 12584528

My vampire rental arrived on my doorstep at twilight on what had been an unusually sunny day for September.

I opened my door and stared at the man whose only resemblance to his photograph was the uncomfortable expression on his face. It was as if he could smell something particularly unpleasant, such as dog excrement.

His eyes were shut tight so I had a quick sniff at my clothes. Not detecting anything untoward, I regarded the vision of beauty in front of me.

His long, bronze hair was in complete disarray, the very tips catching the last rays of the setting sun and forming a halo atop his head. His pale skin was flawless and smooth, his lips red and full – even though they were currently pressed firmly together – and his lashes were long enough to make girls the world over green with envy. He was obviously adept at applying his makeup for I couldn’t tell where he’d used it and where he hadn’t.

He took a deep breath in, sighed and opened his blood red eyes.

“Miss Bella Swan?”

His voice was deep and soft, and it wrapped around my name, enveloping it just like the red velvet of my cloak did my body on chilly evenings.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked.

I shook my head and came back to my senses. “Of course,” I said, realising my error and moving to one side. I waved an arm in front of my body. “Do come in.”

He glided past me, mumbling something about humans having no sense of self-preservation, and placed his holdall on the floor beside the sofa. He turned and looked around my apartment.

“You only have the one room,” he said.

“Yes. Well, this and a bathroom.”

“Where is your bed?”

“The sofa pulls out.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? Oh no! I didn’t think about where you would sleep.”

“I won’t be needing a bed.”

“Of course you won’t. Perhaps you’d like to hang upside down from one of the joists, or I could empty my blanket chest if you like. It’s quite long. If you bend your knees, you might just fit.”

“You really have no idea, do you?”

“Not really, no.”

“I don’t sleep hanging upside down. Nor do I sleep in a coffin. Vampires don’t sleep at all.”

“You keep going all night?”

He raised an eyebrow. “We have been known to, yes.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or blush. I did the latter. “So, what will you do while I’m sleeping?”

“Watch you.”

“No! No way! That’s creepy.”

“I’m a vampire. It’s my job to be creepy.”

“Please tell me you don’t mean that.”

“Isn’t that why you hired me?”

Had it not been for a very sweet PM from DataByteDL-FangirlinGrandma, I mighta waited until Moosals hit the complete button on her latest endeavor! Boy, am I glad she persuaded me not to wait…thanks, Dee darlin’ *HUGS!*

~oOo~ROB ATTACKhttps://www.fanfiction.net/s/7079270/1/I-m-Only-Sleeping

One second’s loss of control and all is ruined. Trapped in her own body Bella needs to find a way to make herself heard. A tale of love, loss and family. Jasper/Bella Friendship. Eventual Edward/Bella. Winner of an Emerging Swan Award

Rated: Fiction M – English – Hurt/Comfort/Friendship – [Bella, Edward] Jasper – Chapters: 45 – Words: 124,120 – Reviews: 1,974 – Favs: 934 – Follows: 423 – Updated: Dec 5, 2011 – Published: Jun 14, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7079270

Okay, so it’s another New Moon AU…shoot me LOL!

The scratching of Alice’s pencil halted and I turned to look at her. Her face was blank and her eyes glazed. She was seeing something beyond the lounge and judging by her emotions it wasn’t something good.

I suspected it was Edward, she had seen a few visions of him when he first left. She was waiting for the moment he decided to return to Bella, we all were, but as time passed the visions stopped. He had either found a way to avoid her sight or he had ceased making decisions altogether. That had worried her, and she had not spoken of it to Esme or Carlisle, they had been with him the longest and were both having difficulty dealing with his absence.

She came back to the present with a muffled cry, her emotions were a crippling mess of shock and horror.

The sound of her cry brought Esme from the guest room and Emmett from the kitchen. Only Rosalie and Carlisle were absent, Carlisle was at work and Rosalie was in the garage behind the house, she would not have heard Alice’s cry from that distance.

“Alice, what is it?” I asked. Pulling her into my lap and comforting her as best I could.

“Bella.”

The effect of that one word was instant. Esme clapped a hand to her mouth and Emmett shot around the couch to squat in front of us both.

“What about her?” he asked. “What’s happened to her?” He gripped her arm with such force Alice flinched.

“I didn’t look, the vision came to me on its own,” she said impatiently. “But that doesn’t matter, Bella’s been hurt, seriously hurt. I don’t know what happened to her, but she’s in hospital and it looks bad.”

Esme let out a small sob and wavered on her feet, Emmett moved to her side and put his arm around her shoulders, steadying her.

He turned to Alice. “Did you see Charlie or Renee there, if she’s in hospital they should be there, right?”

“I can’t see anyone else there, she’s all alone.”

“Try and search for Charlie’s future,” I suggested. “Maybe he was hurt too. It could have been a car accident or something like that.”

Again she slipped into the blank gaze that accompanied her visions but this time she snapped out of it much faster.

“I can’t see anything, there’s nothing but black for Charlie, and I don’t know Renee well enough to be able to pinpoint her future.”

“That’s okay,” I reassured her. “You can’t be expected to see everything.”

Emmett was calling the hospitals in the Forks vicinity trying to track Bella down. He finally found her in the Olympic Medical Center. He was currently trying to pry information about her condition, his wheedling tone slowly changing to one of irritation.

“Well fuck you too.” He finally roared into the receiver and threw it down. “They won’t tell me anything as I’m not ‘family’,” he sneered the word.

“Maybe Carlisle will have more luck when he gets home,” Esme suggested.

Just then we heard the squealing of brakes and the skidding sounds of Carlisle’s Mercedes making the turn into our driveway at high speed.

He ran through the front door and caught Esme as she launched herself into his arms sobbing.

He smoothed her hair and led her to the couch then crouched down to face Alice. “What did you see?”

Though he was outwardly calm his emotions were a raging confusion of fear and pain.

“She was in a hospital bed, her chest was bandaged and she wasn’t awake. There were machines and…” She lost control of her emotions and sobbed into my chest.

“Okay, it’s okay Alice, I will call the hospital and see if I can get more information. The rest of you, pack what you need, we’re going to Forks.”

Carlisle picked up the phone and the rest of us dispersed to gather anything we may need to take with us. I went to the safe in Carlisle’s office and grabbed the false ID cards and passports for us all. In an envelope at the back were two other sets of identification in the name of Bella Cullen and Bella Masen. I grabbed those too, it was best to be prepared.

When we reconvened in the lounge Carlisle was just finishing his call. “Yes, thank you for your help. We will be there as soon as we can.”

Carlisle hung up the phone and turned to us with a serious expression. For a moment I thought we were too late, that Bella had died. Apparently, Esme thought the same as she shook her head jerkily, whispering. “No, Carlisle, please don’t say it.”

He took her in his arms. “Not Bella, Charlie.” We let out a collective sigh of relief then immediately felt guilty.

Charlie was dead. Bella’s father. What had happened to them?

“Jasper,” Carlisle said turning to me. “I need you to get in touch with Jenks, we need a document naming us Bella’s guardians in Renee absence.”

“Where is Renee?” Esme asked.

“I don’t know.” Carlisle said rubbing his forehead wearily. “I spoke to one of Bella’s doctors and he said they hadn’t been able to contact her.”

“Oh, I hope she’s okay,” Esme fretted.

“We don’t have time to discuss this now,” Emmett said impatiently. “We need to go. Are we going to drive or get a flight?”

“Flying would be faster,” Esme said. “Alice can you check the weather conditions.”

She blanked out again for a moment, but came back with a relieved smile. “We’ll be fine. It will be early morning by the time we get to Forks and the day is overcast.”

I called Jenks and arranged for the documentation to be delivered to our Forks house the next morning. He griped about the speed but after some well chosen words and thinly veiled threats he was more agreeable.

It was already dusk here so we wouldn’t have to stick to the shadows at the airport. We gathered our bags and headed out to the cars when Rosalie spoke up.

“What about Edward?”

Shit.

OH,MY.GOD! This is such a great read! It certainly kept me readin’ into the wee hours for days on end LOL!

What stories have enthralled you through the lazy days of summer?

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

ROB ATTACK

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Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

ROB ATTACK

Evenin’ ladies!

Tonight, I’m sharin’ some the fabulous Christmas fics we’ve been blessed with this holiday season!

Oh, and you can thank Planetblue for kickin’ my ass back into gear…ain’t no way I could ignore her precious gift so first up is…

planetblue_christmastances_banner-by-lolypop82-001

{banner by Lolypop82}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12284423/1/Christmastances

“I like her, Emmett. And I like the idea of her.”

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 2 – Words: 2,872 – Reviews: 252 – Favs: 253 – Follows: 483 – Published: Dec 22 – id: 12284423

After sufferin’ a nasty break-up six months previously, Edward is dragged to a family Christmas celebration in Colorado. I say dragged ’cause he’s totally bummed at bein’ the odd man out…the last single Cullen, although Emmett already has a plan…

“Edward, I don’t get mushy often. This is something you know well.” He turns to face me, a dead serious look on his face. I nod, waiting to hear what words of wisdom my parent’s oldest child is about to impart on me.

“Listen to me. And listen to me good.” His eyes bore into mine, and he actually places his closed fist on my hand, as affectionate with a man as Emmett can get. I lean in, on instinct.

“I’m going to find you the hottest fucking snow bunny to throw around the sheets like a ragdoll, because if you ruin my vacation with your sourpuss, I will kill you.”

However, one of Santa’s sassy elves changes the game!

“You look like you could use a treat.” A girl elf pops up in front of me, waving a candy cane in front of my face. I go to reach for it, but she pulls it back. “Have you been a good boy or a naughty boy?” My eyes widen at her question, while Emmett stands next to me, laughing.

“Dude. Forget the snow bunnies.” Emmett grins and nods his chin towards the girl. “You should bang an elf.”

Go ahead and join the fun…you know you want to LOL!

~oOo~

My next offerin’ is a pure D accidental find! Well, I musta had the author on alert for her WIP but I swear I don’t remember when or why *headscratch!*

That bein’ said, I started readin’ Christmas Magic and now it completely owns me!

liljill4286_christmas-magic

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12280272/1/Christmas-Magic

Sometimes all it takes is a little Christmas Magic to make my spirits bright.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Chapters: 4 – Words: 15,834 – Reviews: 15 – Favs: 11 – Follows: 34 – Updated: 14h ago – Published: Dec 19 – id: 12280272

Edward wasn’t expecting his world to be turned upside down this past Thanksgiving but, boy…

Emmett’s little sister grew up to be hot.

“Bella, that looks delicious. What are you making?” My father leaned over her shoulder to gaze at the masterpiece in front of her and it was no secret that culinary school had been very kind to her. Whatever she was making was coming along perfectly, not a speck of anything out of place, all portions of the pie gleaming with perfection. I watched her lean towards her left, allowing my father to slide comfortably next to her. Considerably closer to her than I was.

“Oh, thanks, Carlisle. It’s nothing special. Just a Pumpkin Cheesecake.”

I felt my mouth water in anticipation.

“Hey, that’s Edward’s favorite!” Alice pointed towards me. “You’re going to have to try some.”

Bella’s gaze left the pie and went to look at me directly, a smile playing on her features again.

“Perfect,” Bella said, wiping her hands on her apron. She picked up the pie to bring it over to the counter to make room for the other pies. I willed my eyes to keep from swiping down her body, and only when I felt my eyes slipping was I suddenly bounced back with an intrusive thought.

Wait. This is Emmett’s sister. She’s off limits.

Good thing for our boy Bella doesn’t see it that way LOL! Enchanted already? I’m certainly giddy to see what happens when he goes home again for Christmas!

~oOo~

Now, don’t let the fact that this fic starts out with Tanya pickin’ up Edward’s kids from Bella’s house put you off! Although, sweet as she is, I still want to scratch her eyes out LOL!

lolo84_christmas-liaisons

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12283858/1/Christmas-Liaisons

‘Tis the season to be jolly. To give and to appreciate. To spend time with family and all that jazz. Not to wind up in bed with my ex-husband, which is exactly what I did, all because of a not so simple wish from our youngest daughter… E/B. Romance/Family/Friendship

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Family – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 2 – Words: 4,489 – Reviews: 65 – Favs: 103 – Follows: 201 – Updated: 6h ago – Published: Dec 22 – id: 12283858

Bella finds a letter to Santa from her kids and rushes over to Edward’s to discuss it with him only to find him outside doin’ yard work.

He hadn’t put on his shirt, and I hadn’t asked him to. But the fact he still had his tattoo of my name both turned me on and made me sad. He’d gotten it the day after his 18th birthday and a few days before he proposed. It was forever like we were meant to be and the sweetest thing anyone had done for me at the time.

“I should go,” I repeated, making a beeline for the door. This was all too much. Too many emotions hitting me at once.

As I reached the door knob, his hand clamped down around mine, stopping me.

“Was there anything else you needed?” he whispered from behind me, close enough I could feel his lips at my ear and chest at my back.

My entire body tensed.

“Edward,” I warned.

“Are you sure you want to go?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?” he moved my hair from one side of my neck to the other.

His lips were a perfect combination of hard and soft as he dropped a kiss to my shoulder, my neck, then right behind my air.

His moves hadn’t changed and apparently neither had my reactions to them.

His mouth lowered to mine at the same time I tilted my head up.

The frame on the wall next to us shook as we slammed against it, my arms in the air—trapped between his hands—nearly knocking it over.

“Oh, God!” I breathed out, knees buckling as his hands slid down my pants, fingers already at my flesh.

He was so slick, so quick, that I hadn’t even noticed when he’d unbuttoned them.

This was bad.

Really bad.

Oh, I beg to differ! I’d have to say it was good! Really good LOL!

~oOo~

What the hell is this one doin’ here, you may ask!

Well, Josie’s snarky, bad ass, tattooed, work boots and construction hat wearin’  Angelward qualifies for a Christmas spot in my book! See if you don’t agree…

tufano78_out-of-the-darkness_banner-by-clo-rodeffer

{banner by Clo Roddefer ~ HeartForTwilight}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12258504/1/Out-of-the-Darkness

Edward Cullen is a fallen angel, living among humans. He’s dark, snarky, tattooed and a total badass. Isabella Swan, a human, is in the wrong place at the wrong time. In her innocence, she manages to worm her way into his heart, bringing him back into the light and out of the darkness.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Supernatural – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 4 – Words: 9,534 – Reviews: 201 – Favs: 254 – Follows: 437 – Updated: 18h ago – Published: Dec 3 – id: 12258504

While workin’ a construction job for Emmett, Edward first sees Bella durin’ lunch with his coworkers…

Breaking me from my reverie, I heard a musical giggle. I turned toward it, seeing the most gorgeous creature I’d laid my eyes on. She was petite with long brown hair, pale skin and the curves of a beautiful woman. She was talking on a cell phone to another woman, sharing details about a blind date. A bad blind date.

I was inexplicably angry that this woman had gone out on a blind date and that it wasn’t with me.

What are you talking about, Edward?

I was a fucking angel. I didn’t do romantic involvements. Up until I was on earth, I was a virgin. But, once I jumped into the pool, I couldn’t get enough.

One night stands, sure. I may be an angel, but I’m still a man. A horny man, damn it.

But, this woman was not like the women I’d been with before. She was pure, innocent, and fucking beautiful. I shook my head, watching her as she continued her conversation before she walked to a nearby elementary school. I waited until she was inside before going back to my job. However, I kept my thoughts trained on hers while I was close by, just to hear the beautiful tenor of her mental voice and her kind nature as she taught her fourth grade students.

And the more he tunes into her, the more ensnared he becomes until he hears something that makes his neck hairs stand on end!

Help! This can’t be happening to me! Not again!

I knew it was Bella. Her voice was panicked and I could feel her terror. Closing my eyes, I listened for her. I got out of my car and into a nearby alley. Shrugging out of my jacket, I spread my wings and took off. I found Bella easily, near her school, around the corner from a resale shop. A group of men was surrounding her, pushing and tearing at her clothes. One guy had a knife and the others were punching her body.

Aw, hell no!

I wanted to rip them limb from limb and make them feel the pain that they inflicted on their victims. But, killing is a big no-no for angels.

Needless to say, our hero swoops in, kicks ass and rescues an unconscious Bella!

She was still unconscious and covered with bruises. I gingerly picked her up, holding her close to my body. I could feel broken ribs and blood filling in her lungs. Her beautiful face was covered with bruises and her clothes were in tatters. I unfurled my wings, taking off and flying back to my house. Landing carefully, I carried Bella into my unused bedroom. I changed her out of her ruined clothes and dressed her in some of mine. They were too big for her, but they were not torn and covered in blood.

Usin’ his healin’ powers, Edward takes her pain into his own body and leaves her to sleep under the watchful eye of his chocolate lab, Felix.

It took me an hour to heal all of her injuries. I collapsed on the ground, panting heavily and covered with sweat. Felix wandered over to me, plopping down next to me and eyeing our guest. She was resting comfortably and would stay asleep until morning. Healing also tired out the human. I leaned against my furry friend. He licked my nose, whimpering quietly. “I’ll be okay, Felix,” I said tiredly. “I had to help her.” He cocked his head, snuggling close to me and putting his head on my thigh. I leaned my head against the bed, running my fingers through his thick fur, watching as Bella slept.

I prayed she wouldn’t freak out. She was in a stranger’s house, in a stranger’s clothes with a creepy dog watching her every move. Oh, wait. It’s you who’s the creeper. You’ve only been watching her for the past three weeks, Edward.

I shook off my snarky thoughts. After my shower, I felt better.

I made some breakfast, eating some myself since I was weak from healing her. Protein worked the best, with organic fruits and veggies as well. Processed shit made me sick. After eating, I heard her shift in the bedroom and her thoughts become more coherent. I darted upstairs, anxious to actually talk to her, but prepared for her to freak out and blame me for what happened to her. I knew that I didn’t hurt her.

A few moments ticked by, and Bella was shifting on my bed. She moaned, rolling onto her stomach. However, she patted the pillows and she shot up, her hair a tangled mess and her mind confused. Where am I? This is not my bed, she thought. She turned around, sitting up and looking directly at me. Her espresso colored eyes widened. What happened? He’s so gorgeous, but who is he? “Who are you?” she asked before fainting dead away.

Not the worst reaction, I shrugged, but I was giddy at the fact that she thought I was gorgeous. It made my heart do a flip-flop in my chest and a smile to spread over my face.

tufano78_out-of-the-darkness_manip-002-by-clo-rodeffer

Hell’n I’m in love with Angelward already LOL!

Apologies for the long break but when your mojo ain’t workin’, it ain’t workin’ *shrug!*

What fics have had you completely spellbound while I was “asleep at the wheel?”

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

ROB ATTACK

26 Comments

Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ Friday Feature Fics!

Wet Rob Avi

Evenin’ ladies!

As you may {or may not} know, Jaxon22 has pulled all of her fics in preparation of publishin’ A Pound of Flesh in June of 2015!

While I am extremely happy for her, I deeply mourn the loss of Dancing in the Dark, which was still a WIP when she pulled it *sigh!*

It was one of my favorite Daddywards…I mean, doesn’t this summary just make you wanna scream like a fangirl??

“You can’t start a fire, you can’t start a fire without a spark. This gun’s for hire even if we’re just dancing in the dark.” Immersed in a world of dance, drink, drugs, and women, Edward Cullen is the ultimate bachelor. Until he receives a late night phone call that changes everything.

Rob Attack

Edward was a manwhore…a Magic Mike kinda stripper, and imaginin’ his hair, make-up and outfits {or lack thereof} was a huge turn-on, as well as how he handled sudden and totally unexpected fatherhood LOL!

Well, I read the WIP again {many times} and gnashed my teeth, wept and wailed until I remembered a similar summary and rushed to my TBR for a thorough search!

Yes! *fist pump!* 

Rob Attack

{banner via myffrecs.tumblr.com}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7520210/1/Fatherhood-Formula-and-Other-F-Words

When man-whore, foul-mouthed Edward’s life takes an unexpected turn, he’s left with a baby to raise. With the help of a friendly neighbor, he learns sometimes the unexpected could be the best thing that’s ever happened. All Human

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Edward, Bella – Chapters: 38 – Words: 142,732 – Reviews: 6,279 – Favs: 5,861 – Follows: 4,722 – Updated: Dec 2, 2013 – Published: Nov 4, 2011 – Status: Complete – id: 7520210

Chicks had a thing for doctors; it wasn’t a secret. I learned that fact my third year in med school. The scrubs, lab coat, fuck, the stethoscope… it all just beckoned them. They flocked to me, and dear God, I loved it. Like her, the girl under me. She wanted me for my profession. Her first words were, and I’m fucking quoting here: “Let’s play doctor”. Hell yeah, baby. We’ll play doctor. We’ll play doctor all fucking night.

It didn’t take long for me to blow my load. It felt fucking amazing. I passed out next to the chick, praying she’d be gone by the time I woke up. Thankfully, I was right. I didn’t see her again….

Famous last words LMAO! Yeah, he might not be a stripper but our Doctorward IS a First Class manwhore!

I made my way up to my apartment. As I unlocked the door, New Girl’s door opened, and she bolted out.

“Oh, good! You’re home. You uh… had a visitor, and since I didn’t want her waiting in the hall, I invited her in,” she said. “Please, don’t be mad.”

I cocked my head. “Visitor? Why would I be mad?”

“I didn’t know what she wanted, but I think you’ll be happy,” she said. “Maybe.”

A woman I vaguely recognized came waltzing out of New Girl’s apartment. I couldn’t quite place her, but I knew her somehow. She smiled, switching the car seat she was carrying to the other hand.

Chick that wanted to play doctor. “Yeah, sorry. What…what do you need?” I said, looking at the car seat with a blanket over it.

Please, fuck no.

“I have great news.” Somehow, I seriously doubted I’d find it that great. “You’re a daddy!”

What I love most about this fic are the beautifully crafted relationships between each and every character! Especially Edward’s relationship with baby Sofia, or Little One as he incessantly calls her {the only thing I found a tiny bit annoyin’} and Bella, or New Girl…the name he gave her before he really got to know her!

Rob Attack

{banner by IllicitWriter}

Know what else I love about this fic? There’s a SEQUEL!!!

Rob Attack

{banner by IllicitWriter}

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8669311/1/A-Few-More-F-Words

Fatherhood sequel. Five year old Sofia is starting school and Edward can’t help but feel his baby is growing up too fast. While he and Bella try to juggle a hyper little girl, careers, and their relationship, they find out their lives are about to change drastically once more. All Human.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 17 – Words: 65,594 – Reviews: 2,401 – Favs: 2,735 – Follows: 3,292 – Updated: Feb 1, 2014 – Published: Nov 3, 2012 – Status: Complete – id: 8669311

And here they go again LMAO!

“You’re…pregnant.” I smiled, laying my hand against hers. “With my baby.”

She laughed. “Of course it’s yours! Who else’s would it be?”

I pulled her into my arms and pressed my lips to hers. Our tongues moved together as my hand slid under her shirt and laid against her flat stomach. In just a few short months, I’d feel a baby move. My baby. I fucking hated that I didn’t get that with Little One, so I was already planning on making the most out of this. Bella, my wife, was having my baby. Little One would be a big sister, and I’d be a dad again. Maybe I wouldn’t be so freaked out over every little thing this time. Who the hell was I kidding? Yes, I would.

“I love you so much,” I said, pressing my forehead to hers. “Bella, I’ll never be able to thank you enough for loving me —for trusting me to be the man you thought I could be. We’re going to be parents again. Holy shit.”

She pecked my lips softly. “If this baby’s first word is a curse, I’m divorcing you.”

I laughed, picking her up off of the couch. “Sure, Nibbles, sure.”

I carried her upstairs, trying to be quiet so we wouldn’t wake Sofia. The kid had just become more of a cockblocker as she got older, so I didn’t get as many chances as I wanted to make love to my wife.

Awwww! From beginnin’ to end, I found these fics immensely entertainin’ and highly recommendable…hey, a big word LOL! Oh, and did I mention they are both COMPLETE?

So, Daddyward has kept me busy this week! Who did you enjoy???

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

26 Comments

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Random Rita ~ When You Can’t Choose Between the Light and the Dark!

Wet Rob Avi

Good mornin’, ladies!

Sometimes my poor bwainz just need a little vacation from all the drama and angsty goodness dished up by our favorite authors…not that I can stay away long, you understand LOL!

So, it was the summary that drew me to a fic completed in 2009 by an author I’d never read before. OMG! What a wonderful surprise awaited me in the lighthearted, super sexy romp that is…

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4815442/1/Naked-Desire

Bella is an art student at Phoenix University when she meets Edward Cullen, also an art major. What happens when they are paired together and assigned to do NUDE MODELING for each other? All human & TONS OF LEMONEY FUN! Over 100,000 hits!

Rated: Fiction M – English – Romance/Humor – Chapters: 15 – Words: 66,144 – Reviews: 930 – Favs: 1,502 – Follows: 614 – Updated: Apr 3, 2009 – Published: Jan 25, 2009 – Status: Complete – id: 4815442

In fact, Edward is absent from Bella’s first day in art class, meanin’ she has no idea what he looks like when the professor tells her he will be her partner for the nude modelin’ art project.

In the meantime, she, Alice and Rose are busily oglin’ the hot lifeguards struttin’ their stuff at the local swimmin’ pool. When Bella finally  puts two and two together and comes up with OMFG!!! It’s YOU! sparks fly in every direction!

If you can pick youself up off the floor once you’re done readin’, leave that woman some love for a job well done LMAO!

~oOo~

It’s not often I’d rec a brand, spankin’ new WIP after readin’ only the first chapter but, after this story had me peekin’ at the words on my screen from between my fingers from the first word until the last, there’s no way I’m gonna wait to turn you on to…

Rob Attack

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10317577/1/Buried

His reality was made of nightmares. She was plagued by them. Will she conquer her fears in time? Can he protect her?

Rated: Fiction M – English – Supernatural/Mystery – Bella, Edward – Chapters: 9 – Words: 15,623 – Reviews: 627 – Favs: 261 – Follows: 440 – Updated: 12h ago – Published: May 2 – id: 10317577

Buried is one of those “drop everything when it updates” stories that will haunt you from chapter to chapter! I won’t say anything more without givin’ away any important clues but just READ THE FIRST CHAPTER and tell me you think!!!

Happy Friday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

 

12 Comments

Filed under Fan Fiction Recs, Rita01tx

Random Rita ~ When You Just Can’t Wait to Start Readin’!

Wet Rob Avi

*Gasp!*

I’ve been waitin’ for this fic to start postin’ with bated breath!

It all started with a teaser banner by Lolypop82 posted on tumblr a couple of weeks ago and you know she don’t make banners for just any authors LOL!

The Northland Fires by Ta Paixao_Lolypop82 banner

The Northland Fires by Ta Paixao

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10058859/1/

“The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.” He found me on the ledge. He wanted to watch me jump.

Rated: Fiction M – English – Drama/Romance – Bella, Edward – Words: 2,957 – Favs: 1 – Follows: 2 – Published: 8m ago – id: 10058859

I haven’t even finished readin’ the first chapter and CAN’T wait until it’s complete, so jump on in and ride this train with me, especially you, my fellow AngstH00rs, ’cause it’s a dark one!!!

Happy Monday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

17 Comments

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Sensual Sunday ~ Born to Be Wild!

Wet Rob Avi

Good mornin’ ladies,

I’m breakin’ a rule today! We here at RA try very hard not to post pap pics of Rob.

However, when I came across these sneaky damn photos a while back, I was inspired to start collectin’ Biker Rob manips. See, I have a love/hate relationship with motorcycles!

On the one hand, they are beautifully crafted pieces of machinery. Some could rightly be called works of art. And don’t even get me started on the rumblin’, thunderin’ growl of a Harley Davidson! That sound makes my lady bits sing “Hallelujah” LMAO!

On the other hand, the f*ckin’ things’ll kill ya!

09Apr11_BDWrap_KS21stBD_003a

April 9, 2011…there’s just somethin’ sexy as hell about a man on a bike! Of course, if he’s already sexy as hell, it’s a lethal combination!

09Apr11_BDWrap_KS21stBD_003d

Rob’s a tall man, but that sure doesn’t look like a full-size bike to me LOL!

9a91ea1ca42ba203511eb3e2130f61e2

Now, THAT’s a bike!                      Get your motor runnin’…
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Head out on the highway…

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Lookin’ for adventure…

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And whatever comes our way!

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Yeah darlin’ gonna make it happen…

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Take the world in a love embrace…

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Fire all of your guns at once…

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And explode into space!

aa8c64833f4f2d4a302d99f5d3ad6097

I like smoke and lightnin’…

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Heavy metal thunder…

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Racin’ with the wind…

edwardbiketga

And the feelin’ that I’m under!

robert_pattinson_by_sprsprsdigitalart-d5iszvu

Yeah darlin’ gonna make it happen…

KDrobmotorcycle001

Take the world in a love embrace…

kerry delaney edit

Fire all of your guns at once…

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And explode into space!

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Like a true nature’s child…

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You were born, born to be wild…

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We can climb so high…

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I never wanna die!

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Born to Be Wild!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Night Raider

27 Comments

Filed under Artistic Genius!, Rita01tx, Robert Pattinson, Sensual Sunday

Sensual Sunday ~ Dear Rita!

Wet Rob Avi

Ladies!

You are NOT goin’ to believe this…hell’n you coulda knocked me over with a feather then this arrived in my RA in-box the other day!

Was this for real? Is someone pullin’ my leg?

Stranger things have happened, I guess, but WTF?

Dear Rita,

I hope you don’t mind me writing to you like this, but I’ve had such a bad week that I needed some advice.

mar27-1

First of all, just when I thought I was managing to snag myself some interesting roles out of the shadow of Edward Cullen, they go and drop me from Unbound Captives for being too manly and not Edward Cullenish enough! Bloody Hell, Rita! You’ve seen my long, bendy fingers and wonky legs…Do they look overly manish to you?

MySexyVampire_RememberMe OnSet

Then they go and nominate me for Worst Actor at the Razzies. Still, at least I didn’t win that one (but I do think they should have had a separate category for that bloody itchy wig I had to wear )!

NEWRobertPattinsonBreakingDawnPart2EdwardStill-1

Rita, I feel I’ve known you long enough that you’ll give it to me straight…well, you did offer something like that the last time I was in the RROP with you, remember? Do you think my fans will still love me after Twilight?

IRWL211

I’m sorry to be a bit of a Whinging Pom about it all but, what with the heat out here, and spending my nights watching reruns of Only Fools and Horses and Fawlty Towers, I think I might be feeling a tad homesick.

IRWL141

Yours Sincerely,

Rob

Somewhere in the outback of Australia

SomewhereInOz

(Sorry, can’t say more…you know how the paps are.)

DamnedPaps

{Rita bites down hard on her knuckles, squeeein’ herself blue in the face as silently as possible, and grabs an industrial strength ShamWow to sit on!}

Dear Rob,

You know you can write to me {or anything else you might want to do to me *THUD!*} anytime you want, darlin’!

SoapyMayhem xxx

Just remember that turnabout is fair play!

KerryDelaney xxx

Sweetheart, you were still just a kid when those people approached you for Unbound Captives. Your Edward Cullen, gangly 109 year old teenager, persona may have been how they saw you back then…

RobertPattinsonBTSx - Copy

but, honey, you’re all MAN now!

Francies67 532

So, let Zach Efron play Unbound Captives. We want to see you play the Sexy Beast we all know you are. I hear there’s a great movie in the works that needs a leadin’ man and we all think you’d be perfect for the part. It’s a rather large role and the lead character’s name is Christian. Perhaps you’ve heard of it…Fifty Shades of Grey?

MelbieToast Details color

As for the Razzies, your ridiculous wig absofuckinlutely deserved to be in the Razzie Hall of Fame, but that has nothing to do with your actin’. Don’t listen to those f*cktards who put that shit out there, baby! Your massive fanbase knows you are an amazin’ actor. WE will NOT be surprised to see you takin’ home an Oscar someday instead of presentin’ one to someone less deservin’!

Stars arrive for 81st Academy Awards

Rob, you can always count on  me to give it to you hard and straight…

Time to play

and believe me when I say your fanWOMEN, hOOrs and Angelz will follow you unto the ends of the Earth!

Rodzynkagraphics

Now, I know it’s been hot as hell in the Land Down Under, so just get yourself back here to the RRoP as soon as you get home…I’ve got just the thing to cool you down *gigglesnort!*

ICE CUBE copia

Feel better now, darlin’!

BIG Rob 021

I’ll take that as a “yes!” LMAO!!!

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Rita

Super huge thanks to ClaireBamboozle {Rob’s letter} and RF {BIG help with responses}!!!

Night Raider

24 Comments

Filed under Rita01tx, Robert Pattinson, Sensual Sunday

Monday Madness…Ring in the New Year With the New RA!

*blows kisses*

RobsFan~tasy

Hi Ya'all

Rita01tx

RF & Rita Co-post

*RF’s standing at the door greeting everyone as they enter*

“Yes, yes…that’s right, girls. Come on in and grab a seat. Here, don’t forget your shamwows. You’re gonna need them! Drinks are up at the bar, so just help yourself! Hi! How are you ladies tonight? Come on in!

*Rita walks in*

“RF, whut in the blue blazes are you up to now?”

“I told you I had plans and surprises for the New Year!”
“Yeah, so?”
*
“Look around, Girlfriend!”
*
“Holy crap! You got us a new background…and a new blinkie, too! Niiice!
*
“Uh huh! Mississippibellaslis was kind enough to do that blinkie for us. And that ain’t all…look up! See? There’s lots of new banners too!”
*
“Well, now! Who do we get to thank for the new banners?”
*
“Kerry Delaney and Jolori, made some, as well as Cared, TheRoseAndTheDragon, and Mississippibellalis made the animated ones.”
*
“I surely do like what you’ve done with the place!”
*
“Thanks BB, but I’m just getting started! We’re gonna kick it up a notch this year…beginning tonight!!
*
“Well, it looks like we got us a full house! Go for it!”
*
“Ladies, I know you are all excited about the changes, but if you’ll take your seats please? Dear RA friends! RA is ringing in the New Year with a New Look!
So, in celebration of a new year, RA’s new look, and a new career for Rob, it’s LADIES NIGHT and  you are all invited to PAR-TAY! Hang onto your knickers…we’re going in!”
*
resizedimage406456-ladiesnight
*

*

“Express”

It’s a cold and cRA!zy world that’s RA!gin’ outside
Well baby me and all my girls are bringin’ on the fire
Show a little leg, gotta shimmy your chest
It’s a life, it’s a style, it’s a need, it’s RA!

tumblr_m5oi11zjkm1qhvxmvo1_500

*THUD!* “Hit us with Fifty right off the bat, why dontcha?”

“Only the best for My Girls!”

E-X-P-R-E-S-S, love, sex
Ladies no regrets
E-X-P-R-E-S-S, love, sex
Ladies no regrets

tumblr_lxw5yaFxrN1r9madeo1_400

“Oooh! The things I could do to Rob with that tie!” *gigglesnort!*

“That’s it Rob, take it off! Take it all off!”

Been holding back for quite some time and finally the moment’s right
We love to make the people stare
They know we got that certain savoir-faire

rob_undone

“Geeze, I could get lost in those eyes…hell’n I AM lost in those eyes!”

“The man is soooo intense! Grrrr…”

Fasten up
Can you imagine what would happen if we let you close enough to touch?

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“Yeah, baby! Here I cum!”

“Back off Rita!! It’s Monday!!!” LOL

Step into the fantasy
You’ll never want to leave, baby that’s guaRA!nteed… Why?

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“Is it gettin’ warm in here?” *groan!”

“Getting warm?? Hell I passed warm about a mile back!”

It’s a passion, an emotion, it’s a fashion, RA!.
It’ll move you, goin’ through you, so do what we do, RA!
All ladies confident, flaunt it, boys throw it up if you want it
Can you feel me, can you feel it? It’s RA!.

motu

“I think my ovaries just exploded!” *GAH!*

“Oh! Jack Daniels Body shots off the Happy Trail…YES PLEASE!!”

Le Le Le Le Le Le Le
RA!
Le Le Le Le Le Le Le
RA!

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“You just had to give us a Tattbert…you knowz my weakness!”

“Yup! What can I say? I just couldn’t resist the pistol in his pants!” *Giggles*

We tease ‘em ’til they’re on the edge
They scream and moan for more and more they beg.
We know it’s ROB they come to see
Our pleasure brings them to their knees

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“What I wouldn’t give to run my fingers through that Sex Hair and down those abs!” * drool!*

“OH! Rob half naked in the kitchen! Too…Many…Pervy…Thoughts…Must…have…Whipped Cream Rob!!!”

Fasten up
Can you imagine what would happen if we let you close enough to touch?

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“Now, there’s MY fantasy…a session in the barn with Rob!” LOL!

“Woo Hooo!! I got some Dollars to stuff into that belt Baby!!

Step into the fantasy
You’ll never want to leave, baby that’s guaRA!nteed… Why?

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“The man DO inspire passion…understatement of the century!”

The man’s DOing things to everyone here that Should be illegal! Thank God it’s Not!” *teehee*

It’s a passion, an emotion, it’s a fashion, RA!
It’ll move you, goin’ through you, so do what we do, RA!
All ladies, confident, flaunt it, boys throw it up if you want it
Can you feel me, can you feel it? It’s RA!.

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“Gettin’ a little saucy there, ain’t ya RF? I’ll take it…uh, Rob that is” LOL!

“Weeellll, I said I was gonna kick it up a notch this year. Did I lie?” LOL

Le Le Le Le Le lele
RA!
Le Le Le Le Le Le Le
RA! [x4]

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“Must.Lick.Happy Trail!” *DED!*

It’s a passion, an emotion, it’s a fashion, RA!
It’ll move you, goin’ through you, so do what we do, RA!
All ladies confident, flaunt it, boys throw it up if you want it
Can you feel me, can you feel it? It’s RA!.

“Yeah girls, I know just how you feel!”

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“RF! You done went and made ALL our ovaries explode!”

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“Well, in that case… 

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MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL,

RobsFan~tasy XOXO

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40 Comments

Filed under Addicted, Artistic Genius!, Because I CAN!, Breathless, in my dreams, Monday Madness, oh lalala, Rob Pattinson, Shamwow anyone?

Sensual Sunday ~ The Birthday Hangover!

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Good afternoon, ladies!

Well, after a whole week of partying with our friends to celebrate Rob’s 26th birthday, I didn’t know if I’d even have the energy to  get out of bed this morning!

Hell’n I wonder if Rob survived his own birthday bash! Let’s go find out, shall we?

Knock, knock!! {cracks open Rob’s bedroom door} *Shhhhhh!*

Zzzzzzzz…..

*Whispers* Awwww, he’s still asleep! Just look at him…precious angel! But, not for long…

ROB! Wake up! You got company!!

Zzz…wha…? Rita? What the fuck?

Open them pretty eyes, baby!

Damnit, woman! It’s the ass crack of dawn…what’re you doing here?

You’re in my time zone, darlin’, and it’s way past NOON! I just came by to see how you was feelin’!

Like Hell, if you must know…can’t I just go back to sleep?

Anythin’ I can do to make you feel better, angel? Breakfast in bed, maybe?

*Groan!* God, Rita! Don’t even mention food to me right now!

Well, come on down to the kitchen, then, and I’ll make you some coffee…how’s that sound?

Strong and black, if you don’t mind, thanks!

Sure thing, baby! Comin’ right up!

Owww, my head is killing me!

You want a couple aspirin for your headache, darlin’?

You got some? Yeah, that’d be great…you’re a star, Rita!

No problem, hon! You startin’ to feel a little bit better?

Umm, yeah, thanks.  Rita? I appreciate all your help, but I really need to get my ass in gear!

*Gigglesnort!* You goin’ out lookin’ like that?  What WILL the neighbors think? BWAHAHAHA!

Huh? Aw, hell, Rita!

Have a good day, Rob! Laters BB! MWAH!!!

*Pssst!* Ladies! Don’t tell Rita, but her coffee sucks ass! Had to find a Starbucks FAST!!

Happy Sunday, ya’ll!

Rita

10 Comments

Filed under Because he gives us a Reason to smile., Bel Ami, Remember Me, Rob Pattinson, Sensual Sunday

Sensual Sunday ~ Rob…Let Me See You Stripped!!

NSFW!!!

Good morning, Angelz!

Ain’t gonna lie!  I’m waiting impatiently for a screencap…HQ still (preferably)…gif (even better) of Rob’s moonlit, thrusting bare ass from the first sex scene in Bel Ami!

Cause, fully clothed or buck nekkied, that man’s body is f*ckHAWT and I wanna see as much of it as possible!

So let’s strip him down, ladies, and see what he’s got…

Lemme just get his shirt off!

Oh, no...NO! You're NOT talking me into this one, Rita!

Aaaaw, come on, Rob!?!?!  What if I put on a little music for you, baby. Will that help get you in the mood?

Heeey! I really like that song! I can work with that, thanks!

Me too, darlin’…it’s what inspired today’s post! {There’s his beautiful nose!}

Still not so sure I wanna do this, ya know?

Just TRY, sweetie…we only want to admire your beautiful bod a little bit!

All right, then. I wouldn't do this for anyone else, Rita...just so you know!

Thank you, Rob…I really do appreciate you doing this for me! {I don’t care HOW many times I’ve seen this, I can’t get enough!  *GASP!* the Glorious “V” !!!}

More?

*Squeeee!*  Yes, please!!

Rita? You still there, Rita?

*Grooaaan!* Uh, yeah, baby…mighta fainted there for a second, but I’m good…

Can I put my shirt back on yet???

Well, I was hopin’ we could maybe check out your back, if that’s okay with you?  {HAPPY TRAIL ALERT!!!  *THUD* HOOR DOWN!!!!}

O...kay?

DAMNIT, Rob!  Stop teasin’! You KNOW what I want!!! *gigglesnort!*

Yeah, I think I got you figured out by now, Rita LOL! This what you're looking for?

Close…close!  But no cigar!  We’re lookin’ for THE ultimate shot of your back, baby!!!!

HOLY SHIT!  NOW, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!!

Rita, you crack me the fuck up! If we're done here, I'm going swimming with my girl! Laters, baby!!!

Thanks, Rob!  We can always count on you to “ahem” deliver!  LMAO!!!!

Now, each and every one of us has self image issues and Rob’s no different.  I’ve heard him complain of his too long back, wide, womanly hips and hard to maintain six pack, but, when you love someone as much as we love Rob, every little flaw he thinks he has is beautiful to us!

THIS is what I believe Rob looks like stripped…pure PERFECTION!!!!

Happy Sunday ya’ll!

Rita

21 Comments

Filed under Addicted, My Brand of Heroin, Rob Pattinson, Sensual Sunday